One Month Old

Avery is one month old today! It's hard to believe it was four weeks ago that I was at Tripler Hospital in labor with her. I mean, on one hand, it feels like I've been doing this gig FOREVAH. Especially since there's often little distinction between night and day... I sleep when I can and nurse all day and all night, so it seems like one long continuous day sometimes. The passing of time is really evident when you look at her, though. She's getting so big! She's already outgrowing the three outfits that fit her in the early days, and developing this little personality more every day.

At one month, Avery is fond of:

Being held. All the time. No, really. If you think I'm kidding about this, come on over and we'll put you on the baby-cuddling schedule! Right now she is napping in my lap. As long as someone is holding her, she will sleep for 4-5 hours at a stretch. But if you put her down, she'll wake up in 5-10 minutes. When Adam is not working, he stays up all night with her and carries her around as he does his computer work, watches tv, goes to the bathroom, etc. When he's at work, my mom will take her from her 9 pm feeding until 12 or 1, and then I get her the rest of the night. I have tried unsuccessfully to put her down in the pack n' play and the cradle, but the longest stretch of sleep I've gotten from her was about 90 minutes in the cradle, and that was with me rocking her every 15 minutes or so when she started to wake up. I've resigned myself to co-sleeping at this point, even though I don't *really* want to. When she's snuggled up next to me in bed, she will sleep for about 3-4 hours and nurse twice in the night at 12 or 1 and again at about 4. Then again at about 6 or 7, after which she will nap again for several more hours. As much as I thought I did not want to be a co-sleeper, it is really sweet having her snuggled up with me in bed (even though I don't get very restful sleep!) she is so precious laying there with her feet curled up in my belly and her little hand on me. How can I fight it.

Sleeping with her arms over her head. This is a baby who doesn't prefer to be swaddled. We've tried swaddling her in a variety of special blankets, but she always manages to get her arms free. It's supposed to help them sleep better, this swaddling, but I think Avery wakes herself up struggling to free her arms!

Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
Exhibit C:
Pooping and peeing with her diaper off. Oh, it's the best of times! She does this so frequently I'm beginning to wonder if it's something about the diaper that she DOESN'T like pooping and peeing in. The best way to do it is to wait until the big person finishes wiping your bum, and then just before the new diaper gets in place, you rocket poop explosively across the entire dresser, splattering the curtains, the camera, the diaper caddy, mommy's hair (because I'm bending over her when it happens), several clean diapers, and all down the back of the dresser. Then to really seal the deal, you have to pee all over yourself while the large people are trying to clean THAT mess up. This means you get a new outfit out of the deal.

Grunting, snurgling, and carrying on, asleep or awake. She carries on so much that we call her the Dragon, as in "don't wake the Dragon." Just from listening to her you'd think I gave birth to a velociraptor instead of a sweet little pink-cheeked babe.

Avery does not like:

Her carseat. Oh, it's fine if she's sleeping when she goes in it, but rest assured on the way home from your adventure she will be overstimulated and will not want to nap. No, she would rather grunt and become increasingly frantic with the kicking and arm waving and struggling against her situation until she escalates into the most heartwrenching sobs, complete with pouty frowny face and now REAL TEARS! I know, can you believe she's crying real tears now and it KILLS me, she looks so pitiful and there's nothing I can do because we're in the car!

That's pretty much it for the dislike column. Well, she hates being even a tiny bit hungry. Don't try to change her diaper or take your time getting situated with the nursing pillow and a glass of water if she's ready to eat or else she will squawk with righteous indignation. And then when she gets to the boob, she will pant and snuffle and wag her head back and forth until she latches on like a little carnivore devouring a hambone.

Look at those cheeks! You can really tell she's chubbing up! Compare to one week old:

Avery's Birth Story Part Two

The baby is almost three weeks old, oh my heart! I have to say I am so glad she's here on the outside already and I'm not still waiting on the birth, suffering my endless anxieties over the whole thing. I'm so glad it's over already! Now I can spend my time obsessively reflecting on what a mind-blowing experience it was.

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I remember watching the Business of Being Born in the very early days of my pregnancy. I highly recommend the movie if you are considering an unmedicated birth because there is lots of footage of peaceful home births that will inspire your confidence in your own abilities to ... um... survive?... the birthing process.

Of course, being that it's her film, one of the women whose home births is featured is Ricki Lake. You can watch the footage of her home labor, including when she actually gives birth in her bathtub. Her birth is not one of the peaceful ones. During her labor and birth, she is downright out of her head - she is stalking around the house like a madwoman, yelling that she wants to go to the hospital and get an epidural, yelling that she can't do it, she can't take it anymore, etc.

When we watched it, I remember thinking, HELLO DRAMA! I also smugly told Adam I didn't think I would be anything like that when I gave birth. Just judging by my personality - I'm a pretty even-keeled, rational, level headed person - I figured I would be more like one of the serene women quietly laboring while they swayed around their living rooms and then squatting to silently push the baby out on their kitchen floor. HA.

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I think I mentioned before that I started to lose my mind when we were in the triage room waiting to be admitted to the hospital. The pain and pressure were quickly becoming overwhelming and my contractions seemed like they were coming one on top of the other, never really letting up.

They wheeled me down the hall to my room and I got up in the bed, still wearing my pajama top and the paper around my waist. The nurse came in and introduced herself, and I immediately disliked her. She had this tone about her that just didn't seem very kind or helpful. She started asking me a bunch of questions about Lord Knows What, and meanwhile I'm in the throes of contractions piled up on top of each other and trying mightily not to be snappy towards her. I can't be sure, but I think she asked us several times about cord blood banking. Good grief! We don't want to bank the baby's cord blood! Stop asking!

Another nurse came in with an IV lock and I asked if I had to have it. The nurse said I had to take it up with the midwife. The nurse also told me I had to have 10 minutes on the fetal monitor every 30 minutes. Later when the midwife came back in she told the nurse I didn't have to have the IV, and she could just to the monitor for one contraction, not 10 minutes. I ended up consenting to the hep lock anyway, because the nurses told me if I wanted any pain medication I had to have the IV, and if I couldn't keep water down I needed IV fluids. Well, I was still feeling super nauseated and close to yakking every contraction... plus, I was really thinking hard at that point that I might want some pain medication. So I told them they could set me up. So began what could have been the worst 20 minutes of the whole ordeal!

I can't say for sure, but I think the nurse who was trying to start my IV was incompetent. I was yowling in pain from a) contractions, and b) her literally digging around in the back of my hand trying to get the needle in my vein. She never did succeed! She put the thing in and it was hurting so bad, I was yelping and telling her it really hurt. I don't know what the heck they were thinking. She went ahead and taped it off and they tried to start a bag of fluids, but the needle wasn't even in my vein so nothing was going in. It was really painful! Then they left it taped on my hand! I was so overcome by the contractions I hardly knew what was going on or cared.

Poor Adam nearly passed out, though! He said later that watching that nurse dig around ineffectively in my hand, and the blood pouring down, and me yowling in pain, and he had his legs locked and his jaw clenched - it just made him lightheaded. He said looking back he should have said something to her like, hey I don't think that's working.

So I was still sitting there in the bed, still wearing my own pajama top, with an ineffective IV taped in my left hand, and telling anyone who would listen that I wanted some pain medication with every contraction. The pain was much more overwhelming than I imagined it would be. I knew it would be painful, but I thought I would be able to manage the pain better and not feel so completely overcome by it. And my contractions were happening so fast I really never felt like I got a break from the pain, it was just one big gut-rending contraction. I was groaning loudly through every contraction, and as soon as the peak of it was over, telling everyone who would listen that I can't do this anymore, I need pain medication!

The nurses were more than ready to drug me. I'm sure it's much easier and less annoying for them to have a woman labor with pain medication than without. After all, they can talk to you and do all their procedures and monitoring and make nice pretty contraction charts on the machine without the patient writing in pain, occasionally ripping off the fetal monitor because GET THIS DAMN THING OFF ME! and making all kinds of noise. Luckily, the midwife had come back in and convinced me to try laboring in some different positions before going ahead with the pain meds.

She wanted to check me again before I got up, and I was only 5 cm dilated! I was so disappointed, as I really felt like my labor was incredibly intense and more progress should have been made by that point. Again, I should have remembered our Bradley training that dilation doesn't really matter that much because it can happen all at once really quickly. But the nurses are trained to think one centimeter per hour, so they kept telling me it was going to be a while longer before we would meet our baby. I kept thinking - and saying - I can't do this! The midwife suggested I get on the birthing ball and then try getting in the tub.

I didn't feel like I could MOVE, let alone get out of bed and get on the birthing ball, but I was really at the end of my coping abilities and nearly out of my head, so I let Adam pull me out of bed and into the bathroom. I sat on the birthing ball, leaning my arms and head in Adam's lap as he sat on the edge of the bathtub and the nurse ran a hot bath for me. The room had a huge jacuzzi tub in it, and even though they don't usually let you get in the tub after your water has broken, the midwife ok'd it for me.

As a side note, I never would have thought I would be completely naked in a room full of people I don't even know, but amazingly, I DID NOT CARE ONE IOTA! Yes. Things you should know about giving birth naturally: you will be naked in front of strangers and not care. They will see all your lady parts, in gory detail, and you will not care! You will in all likelihood poop and/or pee in front of these people and you will not care. You might even poop and/or pee on YOURSELF in front of them and YOU WILL NOT CARE!! I know this blows your mind right now if you've never given birth and you're thinking oh no, not me, *I* will care, that is horrifying! You must trust me on this one...

I labored for 15 or 20 minutes on the ball, then got out of my pajama top and into the tub. Oh man, it was immediate relief. Being in the tub actually slowed my labor down, but that was a good thing at that point because I was totally overwhelmed. Right away my contractions spaced out to being a minute or two apart, so I could actually get a break in between. And it's kind of amazing how you feel totally fine between contractions. Of course, you feel like an elephant is stepping on your pelvis DURING the contractions! Which is why I kept asking for the epidural every time I had one!

I was really trying to remember the relaxation skills we had practiced, so I was focusing on relaxing my face, arms, legs, etc, during every contraction. But they were too painful, I couldn't help but tense up. I was moaning and trying not to be tense. I was trying to imagine my cervix opening and the baby coming down. Adam kept reminding me I was doing this for the baby. I was so out of my mind, though that there weren't any rational thoughts happening in my head. In fact, looking back I was somewhat surprised that all the spiritual preparation I had done pretty much went out the window. It didn't even occur to me to pray or to give a single thought to God or the circle of life or what an intensely spiritual experience giving birth really is - bringing a soul into this world. I had spent so much time thinking about how I would meditate on these thoughts during the birth as a means of coping with the pain, but I am disappointed to say that in the heat of the moment, it didn't even come into my head. All I could think about was I can't do much more of this, make the pain stop. It didn't help that the nurse kept telling me I would probably be there until lunchtime! Holy shit, I thought, if I'm going to be doing this for another 5 hours I really will not make it. I think there was a little voice in the back of my head though that told me it would not be that much longer, because the nurses kept telling me - we know your support people are trying to help you stick to your unmedicated birth plan, but if you really want pain meds, we will give them to you - and something in me kept pushing it off (even though I was irrationally asking for relief every few minutes!).

I was probably in the tub for at least 45 minutes. As time went on, I was feeling intense pressure in my lower back and hips. It felt like a huge bowling ball was sitting in my abdomen, pushing on my tailbone and my hipbones. Since I was laying back in the tub, I tried to get on my hands and knees in the water, but my legs kept cramping up in that position, so I just sat upright. I could really feel the baby's head coming down, and I could feel my contractions sort of changing to where I was kind of pushing a little bit when they hit. I never felt that intense urge to push that some women describe. It was more of a gradual urge that built up over time. I told the nurse I thought I was pushing a little and that I could feel the baby's head coming down. She wanted me to get out of the tub so they could check me.

I got out, dried off and put on a hospital gown and somehow made it back into the bed where the midwife came to check me again. NINE CENTIMETERS!! Only one more centimeter to go! Holy cow, I went from a 5 to a 9 in an hour! NO WONDER it was so painful and intense. I was sitting there cross legged, and the pressure was KILLING ME in my back and hips. I tried to get on my knees leaning over the back of the bed, but my legs were cramping again, so I just sat there indian-style for a while. (Don't forget this whole time, the moaning and frantic requesting of pain meds was ongoing. Once I heard I was nine centimeters, though, it was like the point of no return in my mind. Even though I asked and was offered pain meds a few more times, I knew in my head this was it, I was going the full distance without, like it or not!)

There were a LOT of fluids coming out of me. The nurse said pretty soon I would need to pee as the baby's head came down and put pressure on my bladder. Right after she said that, sure enough I had to go. But there was no way I could get up to the bathroom. She brought a towel over and stuffed it between my legs and said, there, just pee! I was like, right here in the bed? On myself? She said yeah don't worry about it, there's all kinds of mess already in that bed. Well, the next contraction that came I could hardly even help it. The pressure was so great, I don't know if I could have NOT peed. Remember what I said before, though... at that point I did not even care!

I was complaining about the pressure in my back and hips, so the nurse set up the squat bar so I could pull myself up on it and showed Adam and my mom how to apply counterpressure on my back. I was really pushing now, the moaning I was doing with each contraction turned to primal grunting as I held onto the squat bar leaning over Adam's arm. Instead of asking for pain medication, I started yelling "push on my back!" whenever a contraction hit. That counterpressure really helped. I labored like that for a while - maybe 30 minutes or so? The midwife came back again and I told her I had been pushing through contractions. I couldn't help it! My body was taking over and doing what it needed to get that baby out. She said she wanted to check me and see if it was time to start pushing for real.

Well, I didn't want to lay back again because of the pressure on my spine and hips, but I had to so she could check me. Ten centimeters! Ready to go. Suddenly there was a small flurry of activity as they changed the position of the bed, got the table with all the birthing instruments on it ready, and got the fetal monitor back on my belly (HATE!). I didn't really want to push leaning back, it felt more comfortable to be upright and I think I would have preferred to push in the squatting position. But I was kind of along for the ride at that point and the midwife felt that the baby's head would clear my pelvic bone better if I was reclined.

So Adam was on my right side with the midwife. He was holding my right leg up and my mom and the nurse were holding my left leg. I remembered learning how to push in the birth class, but it wasn't at all how I imagined it would be. First of all, I didn't feel a really overwhelming desire to push. I mean, when a contraction came, I pretty much couldn't help but bear down, but actual pushing, no. The nurse and midwife kept telling me to push through my bottom and not in my face. I could feel a difference when the pushing was really effective versus when I was just straining to no avail, but it seemed like I didn't really have control over it one way or the other. I kind of felt like I wasn't doing a good job of it - the nurse and midwife kept saying, PUSH! PUSH! PUSH THROUGH YOUR BOTTOM! And I was like, I am doing all I can! Actually I wasn't forming any coherent sentences. I was grunting and yowling like a madwoman.

I could feel the baby's head as it was crowning - the so-called ring of fire. Remember when kids would give you an indian burn on your arm at the playground? Yeah, it's kind of like that, except it doesn't go away! The whole time the baby's head is pressing against the exit, it burns. This phase of labor is kind of a blur for me. It really only lasted about 30 minutes or so... I don't know how many times I pushed... maybe 7? I remember being really exhausted, and worn out from the pain, ready for it to be over already. I had no idea of where I was progress-wise. Once the baby's head was showing, it felt like she should be out already, but when the contraction ended, there we were still waiting.

At one point the midwife told me to reach down and feel the baby's head, but I was like no, I don't want to I just need to stay up here and focus on getting this baby out! I was in another dimension. I'm pretty sure the next contraction was the last one - I pushed with everything I had and let out a wall-rattling scream as her head came out and I felt my skin ripping open. Her shoulders were still in there and I think I yelled, "get her out!" and then suddenly everyone was saying, "look down, here she is!!" and I opened my eyes and looked and there was this little blue gooey creature halfway out of me with the midwife supporting her head. I said, oh my god! and reached down and grabbed her under the arms and pulled her up on my chest and suddenly it was over though I could hardly believe it. I expected to feel a huge sense of relief once she came out, but I didn't even know it was over until everyone was yelling at me to look down.

Once she was up on my chest, though, my brain finally connected, and I thought, it's over! Thank God it's finally over! She was crying the tiniest little kitten mewls and blinking at me like, "whaaat...??" I kept asking if she was ok because she was so quiet, only letting out the softest little cries. She was fine. APGAR scores were 8 and 9. Our Little Elf was finally here! But it wasn't quite over for me yet.

Intermission

I would finish the birth story if I could keep my hands off this adorable little bean for more than 5 minutes while I am awake! In the meantime... hey, did you know what is more painful than your skin tearing apart when a baby's head emerges from your nether region without any pain medication, and then getting stitched up afterward when -ahem- that local anesthetic DOES NOT REALLY WORK, YO. What could be more painful than that?? When the wound gets infected! Yes, that happened to me, BECAUSE OF COURSE IT DID.

I was feeling better at the two week mark - mostly healed in fact - when all of a sudden I got a whole bunch of pain and some swelling building up a couple days ago. It got bad enough yesterday that I actually went and sat in the emergency clinic for three hours to be seen and discovered that yep, I've got an infection going on. TMI for sure, but hey, it's the biggest news going on 'round here. [If I was going to write about our days, it would no doubt go like this: today I nursed Avery every 2-3 hours, and I managed to get 2-6 hours of sleep somewhere in there, and she pooped and peed all over herself while getting her diaper changed, blew out another diaper, and dirtied every outfit that fits her with either poop, pee or urp. The end.]

Who the heck knows how it happened because I assure you my hygiene has been impeccable and I've followed all the hospital's post-birth instructions. I've even managed somehow to shower just about every day in between nursing sessions. But happen it did. And it's so painful that the doctor gave me vicodin! They didn't even give me that after the birth! But I haven't taken any of it because evidently I prefer to suffer rather than expose my preshus babe to narcotics. Where is my medal??

Anyway, so yesterday I almost died. Of pain. Today I am sort of kind of feeling a little better, after nearly 24 hrs of antibiotics. Mom is out at Vitamin Shoppe getting us some probiotics because don't you know the next thing will be a yeast infection or worse - thrush.

Having babies! Don't you wanna?!

Avery's Birth Story Part One

Friday, April 23, Adam and I both had the day off work. Mom and I ran some errands during the day, and I felt no different than I had any other day in the past week. Mom had been insisting for the past week that we go to the beach and take some pictures of Adam and I together to document the last days of my pregnancy. We didn't feel rushed to do it because my due date was still a week off, and I wasn't really having any indications that labor was imminent. Finally on Friday afternoon, she persisted enough to get us over to the nearest water access to shoot some photos and these pictures were taken. Little did we know I would be in labor less than 6 hours later!
Afterward we went to a nearby waterfront restaurant and had a yummy dinner, then returned home to watch some DVR stuff and chill out. While sitting there on the couch, I continued obsessing over when the baby would come, and whether anyone really thought there was a chance I could still be pregnant a month from then, like perhaps I HAD ovulated on day 24 and I WOULD go 2 weeks over my due date... after all, my belly was not extremely gargantuan yet. I wasn't having any early labor signs as we sat there, unlike the previous few nights when I had regular contractions that lasted several hours over the evening and then petered out when I went to bed. Friday evening? Nothing. I had no clue that I would go into labor that night! We went to bed around 9:30, not knowing we would get only a couple hours of sleep.

Around 11:45 I awoke to a squishy sensation between my legs. I got up to go to the bathroom and there was a little mucous on the tissue. Par for the course, I thought, and actual labor could still be days away. But as I stood up, I felt a little gush of fluid. Having read enough birth stories on the internets, I knew that could be my water breaking. Or, it could just be some extra watery discharge meaning nothing. I decided to get back in bed and try to sleep.

After about 10 or 15 minutes, I felt another gush as I lay there, and I got up to go to the bathroom again. There was still not that much fluid coming out, though it was enough to necessitate a wardrobe change. At that point, I was pretty sure it was my water breaking, but I wasn't having contractions so I decided to ignore it for the time being and try to sleep some more.

As soon as I lay down again I started having contractions. I knew right away they were different from the Braxton-Hicks contractions I had been having. They were lower down and more of a crampy feeling. I felt a few more small gushes as they were happening. I probably lay there for only 10 minutes or so before I started timing them because they seemed to be coming regularly. Sure enough, they were 5-10 minutes apart. I lay there timing them for 30 or 45 minutes and they were becoming closer to 5 minutes apart regularly.

It was around 12:30 at that point and I decided I better get up and get some things together since I wasn't sleeping anyway. I decided not to wake my mom or Adam yet, thinking of our Bradley class training that the average labor is 17 hours and not to pay attention too soon. I figured it would probably continue like this through the night before getting into active labor and I might as well let my support system sleep until I needed them.

I went into the nursery and turned on the closet light and started pulling a few baby things out to bring with us to the hospital. A footie sleeper, a gown, some mittens and socks and a cap. A couple burp cloths and receiving blankets. I set out the breast pump and some accessories in case someone needed to come home and get it (in case the nurses thought the baby wasn't getting enough colostrum, they will let you pump to bottle-feed instead of giving the baby formula). Somewhere in the middle of that my mom woke up and came into the nursery to see what was going on.

I said, I think I might be in labor, but I'm not totally sure. I told her my water broke and I was having regular contractions for over an hour now. She said, you're in labor. I told her I was just getting some things together and she should go back to bed, I would wake her in a little while if things progressed.

After that I went back to our room and went in the closet to pull some stuff together for myself. I set out a couple nightgowns that I didn't really plan on wearing but wanted to have just in case, as well as a going home outfit - nursing tank top from Target the day before, lounge pants and a sweater. Then into the bathroom to get some toiletries - travel size shampoo, toothbrush, contact lens stuff. I didn't pack anything, I just set it on the dresser. Having finished the task, I decided to lay down again and see if things slowed down or what.

I lay there timing contractions and they were about 3 minutes apart at that point and becoming stronger. We learned in Bradley not to head to the hospital too early - not until having contractions about 3-5 minutes apart and showing clear emotional/physical signs of being in active labor (seriousness, concentration, no longer hungry, needing to stop and breathe through contractions). Well I was laying quietly in the dark so I wasn't sure about the physical signs, but after about 30 minutes of timing on my cell phone and debating, I figured I was to the point where I should wake Adam (who, by the way, slept through all my rummaging and organizing!).

I poked him awake and said, I think I'm in labor. Being a guy, he wanted to know what evidence had brought me to this conclusion, so I told him my water broke and I was having contractions about 3 minutes apart and contracting for the last couple hours. He said he was going to get his watch to time them and I told him he better think about getting some things together for the hospital. I continued laying there, breathing through contractions until he came back and timed a few himself and confirmed they were about 3 minutes apart. Meanwhile he was going about the room gathering a few things for himself. At one point I asked him if I should take a shower and he said, do you feel like it? I kind of did, but I was thinking maybe it was time to head to the hospital and he agreed.

I told him to go get the suitcase out of the hall closet and turn the light on so my mom would get up and get herself ready. He packed everything I set out, as well as his things, and went to get the cameras and car ready. I got up and brushed my teeth, put my contacts in and puttered around the nursery and our room for some last minute things. I was to the point where I actually had to stop what I was doing and breathe through the contractions. They seemed to be coming pretty quickly and stronger.

My thought process at that point was totally calm and rational. I felt no anxiety or even excitement - just matter of fact-ness. The pain was becoming fairly intense, but still totally manageable. I felt in control and confident. By the time we got into the car, the contractions were coming every 2.5 minutes and lasting for about a minute fifteen seconds. I was pretty sure I was in active labor at that point, since there was little else I could do other than breathe through contractions and wait for the next to hit.

Luckily the hospital is only a couple miles away from our new house, AND it was about 3 in the morning so there was no other traffic on the road, because that drive over was tough. Every bump and jump intensified the pain and made it harder to manage. We pulled up to the hospital and someone fetched a wheelchair since I didn't think I could walk all the long way to the labor and delivery area. Adam put me in it and my mom went to park the car. At that point it really started to hit me - we were going to have a baby. Soon! But I didn't dwell on those thoughts because I was totally focused in the moment and getting through each contraction. I was using the relaxation and breathing skills we practiced in Bradley.

Adam wheeled me through the hallways to labor and delivery. When we pulled up the nurses looked up and seemed kind of surprised to see us and were like, what seems to be going on? In my head I was thinking, I'm in labor, obv. Looking back, it's probably because we didn't call in to ask if we should come to the hospital. We felt confident from our class that we were to that point, but I remember the midwife saying, oh, I didn't hear from you all earlier, and we said, it's been going really quickly. I had only been in labor about 3 hours at that point, but I knew it was going to be a relatively fast labor.

They put me and Adam in a triage room and I changed out of my pants into the paper wrapper they always give you. Then the nurse came in to hook me up to the fetal monitor. I was really thirsty from all the breathing I was doing, but when I drank some water, I started to feel really nauseated and nearly threw up. The nurse was poking on me and trying to get the dang fetal monitor in place. I definitely didn't want that thing on me - having contractions was enough without a huge elastic band pressing into my belly. She was asking me a bunch of questions too, but I was to the point where I was like, quit talking to me! Can't you see I'm in labor! If you ask me a question in the middle of a contraction, I'm going to ignore you.

The midwife came in to check me and I had to lay back, and man, that sucked. Having contractions while laying on your back is NOT COMFY. She checked everything out and then did who-knows-what where it felt like she crammed her entire hand in my special lady area... I think she must have been sweeping my membranes? Because I felt her finger sweep around my cervix... around what must have been the baby's head there. It was not pleasant and I yowled when she did it. She emerged from my nethers and proclaimed me 3 cm dilated with contractions 2 minutes apart. I think normally they would not admit you if you are only 3 cm dilated, but I guess since my contractions were so close together already they decided to go ahead and let us stay.

The whole while this was happening, I was having contractions that sometimes seemed like they weren't stopping, and feeling really nauseated. The pain was really intense and it was at that point I began to lose my mind. They left us alone at one point and I said to Adam, I don't know if I can do this. I wondered if I was close to transition since I felt very disoriented and out of control, and I felt a huge sense of self-doubt. All things we learned in Bradley are signposts of transition.

Looking back I know I wasn't in transition because I still had about 4 hours of labor left to go before the baby was born. I think it was because I was only 3 cm dilated when the midwife checked me. Until hearing that, I thought I was much farther along based on the emotional and physical signs of my labor. Three centimeters is early labor territory! You can walk around 3 cm for days before giving birth! I should have known, though, from our Bradley classes that dilation doesn't really matter that much because you can go from a 3 to a 10 in a hour. However, at the time, hearing that I was filled with dread and doubt because I thought, if this is early labor and I am handling it like this, there is no way I am going to make it through this unmedicated.

The nurse came back with a wheelchair and asked if I could get in it. I said yes, but I had a lot of fluid coming out of me. She just laughed and said, there's going to be lots of fluid coming out until the baby is born, don't worry. I got in the chair with the fetal monitor still strapped to my belly, wrapped in a piece of paper from the waist down, and they rolled me down the hall to my room.

Part Two.  Part Three.

One Week Old

We survived the first week of new parenthood. It has been a wild ride! Life at the moment revolves around little Avery. And for me that means being in the nursing chair most of the day ... and night. That sleep deprivation thing is for real, y'all. I have no idea how anyone would do this alone. I am so lucky and thankful to have my mom here helping me - she is a saint. She has been making me food and sitting with the baby while I sleep. Adam had to go back to work starting on Friday, so he's been gone all night (the hardest time) and sleeping most of the day. I'm up with Avery most of the night, with some snoozing, and then mom has been taking her in the early morning and letting me sleep. I've been trying to bring her into bed with me because she wakes up if we put her in the basinette, but I'm still not able to get much sleep if I do that because she makes little noises all the while, and I worry she is going to suffocate - on the blanket, my shirt, my boob, or roll over into the mattress. I suppose the more I get used to her it will get easier (right? right??)

Also? Breastfeeding? Is hard. It's clearer to me now why so many people don't do it. For one thing, it's painful at first and I don't care what anyone says about it not hurting if you're going it right. You have to get used to someone sucking on your nipples 24/7, it's gonna hurt a bit. And I'm the only one who can provide that for her, so there's no breaks! When baby wants to eat, I'm up nursing.

I had a minor meltdown a couple days ago when I was just sitting there holding her and started to cry. For no good reason... just the dropoff of all that post-birth adrenaline and hormones, feeling overwhelmed by this giant spanse of emotions, being tired, etc, etc.

Still, we are loving parenting the Little Elf. She is so cute and sweet! We have dozens of pictures of her sleeping. She doesn't spend much time awake, except to say, "I'm hungry!"

Look how she is changing in just a week! Her cheeks are starting to chub up.

And she smiles all the time in her sleep. It is the cutest thing - we usually don't manage to catch it on camera!
Our first outing in the sling! So tiny and precious!

Ok, the little one is letting us know it's time to eat again!

And then there were three

To our great surprise and delight, Avery Lynn was born at 8:44 on Saturday morning, April 24. She weighed 7 lbs 1 oz and was 17 inches long. We are so smitten with her! Life has been revolving around the Little Elf since the moment of her birth.

My labor was short and intense. My water broke around midnight Friday night and the contractions began shortly after that and went to being only 2-3 minutes apart within a couple of hours. I managed to have the natural unmedicated birth I wanted, and for that I am very thankful. Avery was so alert during the first couple hours after birth, and we were breastfeeding before they even took her away to be weighed and measured. I have been reliving the birth to the point of occasional torment and I need to type it all out before I forget, as it's already becoming a blur replaced by the warm glow of my sweet baby's face.

I am shocked by how incredibly and deliciously beautiful she is to me. She is so miraculously tiny and perfect I cannot stop staring at her. She has the most adorable pink rosebud mouth, and this full head of hair that slays me dead whenever I see it.
Every time I see the little swirl on the back of her head my heart shatters into a million pieces and whenever she's up on my shoulder I nuzzle the back of her head and want to stuff her in my nose the smell is so wonderful.
When she nurses, I just stare at her and she seems like such a small, vulnerable creature. There is nothing more heartbreakingly precious than watching a newborn nurse. Her tiny, skinny tummy pressed up against me, her legs scrunched up in the fetal position, her wee little toes curling. I try to memorize every crease in her impossibly small hands, the curve of her ears, her delicate hair. She seems like she's changing so much already since we were in the hospital.

She sleeps most of the time, but she's becoming more interactive every day. When she sleeps, she dreams and makes the funniest faces. She smiles, or scrunches up her little brow, or makes shapes with her perfect pink lips. She's hardly been put down since she was born.

I can't believe how intensely I love her and what an overwhelming expanse of emotions it is - elation, gratitude, fear for her safety, and sadness that she is going to change so fast and grow up so quickly.

You are so loved baby girl!

What I'm up to these days

Mainly I've been obsessively reading birth stories on the internet (hello Babycenter forums) and focusing on how many people give birth before or after their due dates. It's nearly impossible to tell because it seems like about 70% of the ladies announcing their births were induced early for one reason or another, or had scheduled c-sections. It seems like the majority of them give birth around 39 weeks, but like I said, artificial inductions ahoy.

I've been having quite a few contractions, but nothing painful, and certainly nothing labor-like. I realize you can have contractions for *WEEKS* before the actual birth, and I am mentally tormenting myself with thoughts of going two weeks past my due date. Nay, two weeks past what my due date would be if I actually DID conceive on day 24 of my cycle instead of day 14. Surely this will not happen to me, internets? Seriously, do you think? That would mean I would not give birth until... May ... 24! Holy shiz, it cannot be so. Let it not be so. Mom tells me she went two weeks past her due date.

According to our Bradley class and the interwebz, the average length of a pregnancy is actually 41 weeks and 1 day from last menstrual period. [Even though very few women actually have 28 day cycles and ovulation is unpredictable.] However, the interwebz are very clear on the fact that there is a big ol' bell curve and a pretty wide window of "normal" gestation length. Normal, full term babies can be born at 36 or 37 weeks, or at 42-43 weeks. The latter is really uncommon, mainly because most docs will induce before then. The point being that even if you KNOW for sure when you conceived and can therefore estimate your due date accurately, your particular body/baby could be several weeks faster or slower at gestation than that.

Basically I wish I was in labor right now, and just about every other thought in my head is wondering when it will happen and what if it doesn't happen EVER AND I STAY PREGNANT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. Totally normal stuff here.

I'm also still working, even though everyone is like, "you're still working?!" Well, yes, what else would I be doing? To be honest, I really wish I could stop working, but I do want the majority of my maternity leave to be after the baby is born and the idea that I might stay pregnant for several more weeks keeps me at my desk. I am tired and unmotivated and my brain is squishy and won't concentrate on much other than BABY, BIRTH, BABY, BIRTH, BABY. I suppose I would be doing the same thing at home, but at least I wouldn't be stuck in this chair all day going bleary eyed, staring at the computer and having to drag my exhausted butt out of bed at 6 am. WOE!

What I haven't been doing very well is keeping up with my workouts. During the move I basically did not go to the gym or do any formal exercise. I think I was getting enough anyway. But since then, I just haven't had the motivation or energy for it. I think I did 3 days last week and I've done 2 so far this week. Maybe I will drag myself over there after I post this... My inclination is to lay around on the couch and maybe that is what my body needs to be doing, even though I keep hearing about this walking thing and how it's supposed to hasten labor. You know what is almost the hardest part about it? Chainging my clothes. Getting into and out of pants is awkward and uncomfortable!

So. That's the news. I wish it was more exciting and included pics of a squishy pink newborn, but alas, I shall continue waddling ponderously through these last days of pregnancy (please let it be days and not weeks!).

38 weeks of pregnant glory + nursery!

Still here y'all. Still large in circumference. 38 weeks!

The house is definitely ready to accept a baby. I know I don't NEED any of this stuff, but it sure was fun to set up the nursery, and I think Mom had a good time too. Check out that adorable wall sticker we found! It's so cute!

This child already has more clothes than ME, thanks to her Yaya! Baby girl clothes are irresistible.
View of the nursery from the door.

And the other side of the room where we stashed our second guest bed, and where the Bear Family lives. Yes, I already had all of those teddy bears, none were bought specifically for the Little Elf, although she is now inheriting them! The largest in the middle was my mom's teddy bear when she was little!

Come baby Seiler, we're ready for you!

Congrats to my buddy Chris!

One of my oldest friends in the world just had his baby a few days ago! Yeah! Congrats you guys! Mom would also like to send her sincere congratulations to you and also tell you that she doesn't remember any of those shenanigans at all (ed. lie!) - only what a nice young man you were (ed. LIE!). No really. In all truth, we actually don't remember all of those things, although there was a particular incident when I was tied to a tree that sticks prominently in my mind. Also the scrunchie stealing. What was with the scrunchie stealing?? Oh, and the breaking in to our house and stealing our phone. And mom does remember the marker incident. She would like you to remember that karma is a boomerang. Thank goodness you outgrew that.

A few things, in no particular order.

* It is sad that my work computer is running such an old version of Explorer that I cannot read the New York Times. It crashes every time I pull up articles. Yes, I work for the government. The AMERICAN government.

* We had bacon and cheese sandwiches the other night and I must say they were delicious. Mmmmm, bacon.

* I will be the only person in my office next week. We shall see how THAT goes.

* My mom thinks the baby will be born on May 7.

* We are nearly done with the house and have only to hang pictures, put away the office, and find homes for an armful of random things that are floating around on the counters. Even the nursery is almost done, just need to hang pictures. I will get some pics up this weekend.

* Adam is working all weekend. He has worked the last three weekends in a row. I'm ready for him to get a day off so he can get himself settled and comfortable in the new house.

* I need to chill the eff out. I've been on high stress level for the last two weeks with the move. It's slowing down somewhat, but I'm ready to be all finished so I can resume my position on the couch eating bon-bons and getting my feet rubbed.

* I wish I could say I feel very ready to have this baby any time, but I feel like I need another week or so at least before I can relax enough to have her. In truth, I feel like I may NEVER be READY. I was reading this post by Jonniker and so much of it is so, so true for me. I haven't hated pregnancy really, and I can't say I've been miserable, but I have spent the majority of the time with a fair amount of anxiety about the whole process, about having an actual baby and whether she will be ok, about whether I'm prepared or how I will handle this major life change, about how singularly alone and responsible I feel in many ways, about the birth and whether it will go the way I want/hope, disliking more than half of the attention I have gotten (the "just wait" comments - you think you can't sleep now, you think you're uncomfortable now, you think you have problems now; the assvice from everyone, the "twins" comments), the emotional rollercoaster... and I truly hope that all dissipates for me as it did for Jonniker once the Little Elf is here in our lives. So the irony is: although I hope things are better and wonderful once she is born, I am often terrified for her to actually BE born. I want it to happen NOW, today! So I can finally MEET HER! Yet I am simultaneously terrified enough to want it to not happen (yet? soon? ever?).

* My feet? Are swollen. That is all.

37 weeks, New home!

I feel so out of the loop! I haven't been on the computer to look at blogs or my personal email in over a week! I've been going crazy trying to get all the boxes unpacked and everything settled. Y'all, my feet are really sad... they are so swollen. A few days last week being on my feet on the hard floors in the kitchen all day unpacking, I thought my feet might actually explode. It's pretty horrifying. And my hands are also so swollen that it hurts to make a fist first thing in the morning.

But our new house! Ahhhhh... I love it so much. I really, really do. We are close to being unpacked now, and even have the nursery mostly set up. I can't wait to post pictures because it's so cute. We found these wall sticker things and put some of them up and it's so bright and pretty in there. And it's AIR CONDITIONED! And only a few miles from work for both of us.

Mom is here right now and has been such a huge help with unpacking and organizing and running errands. I think she might leave this weekend, although I was asking what if you leave and I go into labor next week?! I'm full term now and pretty much ready for this baby to be on the outside. I'm in full-on waddle mode, and what with the swelling extremities now I'm pretty much over it. I still feel really good though overall, and I'm still working out in the gym even though I get lots of funny looks. I was moving boxes and furniture around the house and I thought my mom was going to have a conniption, but I'm like, what do you think I do in the gym?! :) Hey, at this point I almost don't care if I go into labor "early".

Happy Easter!

I guess I should jump in here and say something before everyone starts to think maybe I did actually go into labor! No, we're still here. Just getting ready for our move. Adam is working today so I'm on my own for Easter. Mom was supposed to come out yesterday, but we had a family situation and she needed to be there. She might be out here in a couple of days. I'm really hoping because I don't know how I'm going to get everything settled by myself! A is off Mon, Tues and Wed. They are going to pack up all our stuff on Monday and drop it off at our new house on Tuesday. Wednesday we have to do the home inspection for our old place and turn over the keys, and then Thursday he is back at work for like 14 days in a row!!! Which means I will be mainly on my own to get this house unpacked unless Mom comes out. That pretty much sums up what's going on out here. I will post 36 week belly pics later... jeez, can you believe that?! 36 weeks! Before I was worrying that the baby would stay in long enough for us to get moved. Now I'm worrying that she is going to stay in TOO LONG. Like I might be pregnant forevah. I hope she comes out before I hit 40 weeks. Another month seems like an impossibly long time.

35 weeks. Apparently all I can talk about is my circumference.

35 weeks. Frankly, I have no idea how some of you (you know who you are) managed to continue running 5+ miles through the last month of your pregnancies. I am beginning to suspect you are some kind of super-human cyborg, because I cannot see how that would be possible otherwise. It seems like all of a sudden - overnight, in fact - the mere act of moving around in a mostly normal fashion has become overwhelmingly difficult. Maybe it's the way I'm carrying or maybe I've just reached that hellish point in late pregnancy that everyone talks about how you just want it to be OVER ALREADY... I don't know, internets. But I can tell you that the sheer act of achieving an upright position has me grunting and heaving, and many everyday activities (getting in and out of the car, rolling over in bed, bending over to pick something up, walking up the stairs...) cause such discomfort as to actually be borderline painful. I have all this pressure / weight / laxity / whatever in my hips and pelvis and it makes simply walking around a feat of exertion. I have to waddle to and fro just to propel my enormous circumference from the couch to the fridge. Another 5 weeks?! Ye gods.

Also? My feet (and hands, face, everywhere else) are swelling on a regular basis now and it doesn't really matter how much protein I eat. I can hardly get my gym shoes on my feet anymore. I've given up wearing anything near professional-looking footwear at work and started schlepping around in flip flops. No one seems to care or even notice in the slightest.

Every task takes me twice as long as it used to. Adam and I spent the weekend getting ready for our move (on MONDAY HOLY MOTHER OF GOD) and I hardly did anything, yet I think I overdid it. I washed all the windows and dusted/cleaned the living and dining rooms, and vacuumed the downstairs, and it took me HOURS to complete all that. By the early afternoon, I felt like I was about 100 years old, hobbling around with nearly arthritic hips. How in the world I am going to survive the actual move is beyond my comprehension and I've decided to simply not think about it and let it happen.

And the heartburn OH MY GAHHHD. I have to stop eating 3-4 hours before bedtime, and definitely cannot eat anything heavy or I will end up with wicked heartburn the moment I lay down to sleep. I can literally feel the stomach acids bubbling up into the back of my throat and it hurts!!!

We are going to our last Bradley class tonight - can you believe that?! 12 weeks of birth classes, already over. I'm really glad we did the class and I would definitely recommend it to anyone if you are planning a natural birth. I feel as ready as I think I could. I barely feel anxious or fearful of the birth anymore. I feel nervous about the various things that could go wrong - I certainly haven't gotten to a place where I've resigned myself to whatever might happen (c-section, etc). I am keeping an open mind that there may be situations in which I will decide to have an epidural, however, if something goes wrong and prevents me from being able to even attempt the unmedicated birth I've been planning for, I will be upset about it. I'm not thinking about it too much. I'm content to wait and take each moment as it comes.

Now if the baby will indulge me by staying in a couple more weeks, but not much longer! God help me if it's the middle of May and I'm still blogging my many complaints!

34 weeks of pregnant glory

Hoo boy. I'm tired y'all. TI - YERD. 12 hour workdays will do that to ya. It was only a few days for a conference we were running, but man it feels like I've been at work every day for a MONTH! My eyes were so bloodshot and glassy today that people were asking me if I should really still be working. I don't feel as bad as I look! Plus, I'm not THAT huge... I mean, really, I think the belly is quite big enough, don't you?, but it's not like people are starting to worry my water might break on their shoes or anything.

Yep. 34 weeks. Almost 35 at this point. This camera angle makes my butt look deceptively small. Only 2 weeks till I'm full term! Only one more week till we move yippee! It's really getting hotter here and I'm having a hell of a time sleeping at night, so I'm super excited to get into our new home. Plus Adam will be done with his month of night shifts, so we will actually get to see each other and sleep in the same bed at the same time again. I told him I couldn't sleep last night because the baby had the hiccups the whole dang night and he said, "I still like her." Hahaha, he amuses me :)

More reading on Obamacare

These articles are from various places around the web. Some draw parallels between the healthcare bill being debated right now and Massachusettes' healthcare system, which already undertook many of the same reforms in the Senate bill, and which is failing miserably.

How Obamacare is like the failed Romneycare in Massachusettes.

"In the past three years, insurance premiums in Massachusetts have increased by 8-10% each year, nearly twice the national average."

Yes Mr. President, A Free Market Can Fix Healthcare

"As [free] markets make health insurance more secure and medical care more affordable, fewer people will fall into this vulnerable situation [of not being able to afford care], and it will be easier to care for those who do."

Medicare denies the most claims

"Critics of non-government insurance complain that such companies deny claims, and imply that this would never happen with government-run insurance such as Medicare. According to the American Medical Association’s 2008 Health Insurance Report Card , the health insurer that denies the most claims is Medicare. This is compared to Aetna, Anthem, Cigna, Coventry, Health Net, Humana, and United Health care. 21% of Medicare’s claim denials had the following “reason code description”: “These are non-covered services because this is not deemed a ‘medical necessity’ by the payer.” It was the 2nd most common reason."

Poor face greatest difficulties getting care in Massachusettes

"One in five adults said they had been told in the last 12 months that a doctor or clinic was not accepting new patients or would not see patients with their type of insurance. The rejection rates for low-income adults and those with public insurance were double the rates for higher-income residents and those with private coverage."

Obamacare is Economically Unsustainable

"This bill adds a new health care entitlement at a time when we have no idea how to pay for the entitlements we already have. The full 10- year cost of the bill has a $460 billion deficit. The second 10-year cost of this bill has a $1.4 trillion deficit."

Obamacare is constitutionally suspect

Patients waiting up to a year to see a family practice doc for a routine visit in Massachusettes

“It’s a recipe for disaster,” Dr. Sereno said. “It’s great that people have access to health care, but now we’ve got to find a way to give them access to preventive services. The point of this legislation was not to get people episodic care.”

Although supporters of the Massachusetts plan had hoped it would save money, the opposite has occurred. The state expects to spend $595 million more in 2009 on its health insurance program than it did in 2006 — a 42% increase.

Why I will be glad to move: Reason # 3,768,932

You guys. The other night, when I was home ALONE because A was at work, I had to confront a GIANT COCKROACH. I was in the bathroom doing my bidness, and the toilet paper roll ran out. Luckily I didn't need any more at the moment because I would have blindly reached over into the cabinet from my perch on the commode to retrieve a new roll, and grabbed a handful of cockroach instead. Because it was perched directly on top of the spare rolls. As it was, I bent over and stuck my face in the cabinet, the better to get the full effect. And he was clearly enjoying the toilet paper for it's intended purpose... he had already managed to poop all over two rolls! I'm reluctant to use the Raid anymore, but how the hell else are you supposed to kill these things? I would have needed a shovel to knock this thing out!

Behold. The poop. What is with the critters and their pooping on my toilet paper?! If it's not the damn geckos, it's the roaches.

There he is. I guess you can't really tell just exactly how enormous this roach is... trust me, it was about the size of my PALM. It took several squirts of the Raid to knock it out. The first squirt didn't phase him at all. He was clearly ready to shake it off and trundle back to his hidey-hole to spawn more of his disgusting ilk to torment me. And look. He pooped again on the floor as he was dying.

I called A and was like, "You need to come home and take care of this shit, I cannot be expected to handle all this smiting and cleaning of roach poop on my own in my current state." Of course his job doesn't work like that so he told me to just leave it there and he'd take care of it when he got home.

Well how could I go to bed, knowing I get up to pee about 5 times a night, and knowing the filthy corpse of that thing was going to be just laying there by the toilet - possibly undead and able to scurry up my leg, or perhaps his friends would come for him... no. I had to clean it up. But y'all know I won't touch that thing through 15 layers of paper towel and a rubber glove, so I used a cardboard box to scoop it up and dispose of it. Then I had to clean up the toilet paper and disinfect the whole area.

It was traumatizing.

A thinks I'm a little crazy but I have myself convinced that our new house will not be plagued with the insects and geckos our current house is full of. It's new construction! Do not attempt to shatter my fantasy.

Look! I'm pregnant and out in public! At the Polynesian Cultural Center over the weekend, where we went to walk around and go to the luau and the show with the firedancers! And I began to worry that I might actually go into labor early because I was having so many contractions - probably from the heat and all the walking around everywhere. SEE! I should not be expected to exert myself in so many ways in my delicate condition!

33 weeks of pregnant glory

The problem with reading other people's pregnancy blogs is that your sense of the reality of the process gets disoriented. I love to read about other people's pregnancies on their blogs... but you can read through the entire pregnancy and postpartum period in an hour or two. Your brain starts to get impatient with the process as you start imagining having the Little One in your arms!

I like this picture because even though I am finally looking as enormous as I feel, you can see the faintest hint of muscle definition in my arm - a memory of what once was. 33 weeks omgomgomg. It seems like I have both an interminably long and impossibly short amount of time left, depending on my mood. My feet and legs are swelling a LOT lately, exacerbated by sitting all day at my desk, and every time I look at them I nearly hyperventilate at the thought of spending 7+ more weeks in this condition. Same thoughts when I am struggling to shave my legs, or heave my circumference to and fro as I try to find a comfortable sleeping position.

But then? When I walk past our "nursery" (aka, the area where we haphazardly dump all the baby stuff as we acquire it), my heart races as I contemplate how much there is to do before the baby comes and how there is not. enough. TIIIIIIME! When I think about the birth, and nursing, and poopy diapers, and doctor appointments and potty training and puberty and college tuition, I practically have to lie down so I don't have an anxiety attack because DEAR LORD I WILL NEVER BE READY FOR THIS WHAT WAS I THINKING?!

The iconic Mother. I bestowed her with some leis in the hopes that she will be generous with the graces for me.

Ehhh.... I just can't help myself.

This article over at the Gold Coast Chronicle is one of the best succinct arguments for why Congress needs to go back to the drawing board with the healthcare bill. And while you're at it, check out the 50 Fallacies on Healthcare. Look, obviously we need to do something, but the direction they are headed now is just WRONG in my opinion. Quoting from the article:

Instead of “universal health care,” America needs free market reforms such as allowing patients to purchase insurance across state lines and using Health Savings Accounts for routine expenses.

Insurers should be allowed to sell inexpensive, catastrophic-only policies to cover rare but expensive events.

States should repeal laws forcing insurers to offer (and patients to purchase) unwanted “mandatory benefits” such as in vitro fertilization.

Such reforms would respect individual rights, greatly reduce insurance costs, and make insurance available to millions who cannot currently afford it.

Do we want to enlarge an already-bloated welfare state so that it can further violate our rights in the name of “universal health care?”

Or do we want a limited government that will respect our rights and allow individuals to prosper and thrive? America’s future is at stake.

Not to mention using legislative gimmicks like reconciliation to jam through one of the most important pieces of legislation in memory... it's a major process foul, Obama. And now the Slaughter Solution on top of it? What happened to the democratic process? It's bad enough all the pork and ridiculous horse-trading that has already been done, but now to try to bulldoze over the opposition by bending the rules? It's sickening. Quoting from here: "The Democratic Majority cannot deny that they are turning the process of our democracy on its head in an effort to achieve a highly unpopular, partisan objective."

I urge you, if you disagree with the chocolate mess Pelosi et al are trying to shove through Congress, to write your Congressmen and tell them to vote NO on the healthcare bill. They are still short of the votes they need for a majority. If your Congressmen are on the fence, it's even more important to write and tell them your views!

Breathtaking stupidity, 32 week midwife visit

Oh my. Y'all should go read this article. My mind? Is officially blown. I mean... I don't even know where to start with this one.

I've seen that show about the ladies who don't realize they are pregnant until they give birth, so I am aware that occasionally women don't know they are pregnant until the baby suddenly pops out into a grimy McDonald's toilet. Or something. Whatever, it happens.

But most of those girls say things like, "I felt totally normal, I barely gained any weight, I had no idea I could be pregnant!" Yes, it's hard to get your brain around -- if you've ever been pregnant before, it's hard to imagine that you wouldn't feel the baby or wonder why you can't bend over at the waist anymore.

This woman? She actually felt "off" enough to go to the doctor MULTIPLE TIMES! I guess I can sort of understand a little that maybe she herself did not realize the reason she felt weird was she was pregnant. She was overweight and menstrual periods can be wonky and disappear for a while. But you guys, the doctors diagnosed her with gout or maybe IBS, we don't know but don't worry about it take two tylenol and take it easy for a while. She went more than once and no one thought to do a pregnancy test?

And then! She goes into labor! And goes back to the doctor because, Yo, something is really not right with me. And the doctor finally, FINALLY realizes she is preggo, but tells her she's only 3 months along and sends her on her way! She goes home and gives birth to a nine pound baby a few hours later! The stupidity is breathtaking. It's unbelievable to me that even without ultrasound the doctor couldn't realize through a manual exam of her abdomen that she had a NINE POUND BABY in there. Even if she WAS overweight. Goodness, can you imagine suddenly just giving birth?! With no forewarning whatsoever? What a shock that would be.

+++++++++++++++

I had my 32 week midwife visit today. I really hope this midwife is the one on duty when I go into labor! I like her a lot. The visit went well. I am measuring right on schedule. I asked her about the baby being breech and she felt with her hands and couldn't say for sure but she didn't think the Little Elf was breech anymore. We'll find out next week when I go in for my ultrasound. The baby's heartbeat was louder way down by my pelvic bone so she thought the hard round babypart by my bellybutton was probably baby butt.

I've gained exactly 20 lbs so far which means I'm gaining the textbook pound a week right now. It seems a little crazy to me because I'm eating way better now than I was for the first 20 weeks or so of my pregnancy when I had all sorts of cravings and aversions. But I guess your body knows what it's doing with the weight gain and as long as I keep it sane, I'm not going to worry about it. Apparently half a pound of the weekly weight is going on the baby at this point as she puts on fat. The other half lb is fluid retention - blood, amniotic fluid, water retention - and fat on mah bum. If it keeps up to the end, I will have gained about 28 lbs total. I'm still eating pretty much whatever I want, but luckily I'm wanting more fruit, grilled meats, veggies, yogurt, cheese and nuts instead of cereal and french fries!

She also confirmed that my 3 hour glucose test was normal. In fact, she said all four blood draws were well below the top of the normal range. So. I admit I'm happy I can still eat Girl Scout cookies whenever I want without worrying too much about my blood sugar.

32 Weeks, 30 Years

I suppose it would have been more poignant to turn 30 weeks on the same day that I turned 30 years, but it'll have to do. Man, I cannot believe I've been on this earth for 30 years! It seems incredible. I'm glad to say that I'm happier right now than ever before. I have a pretty little baby on the way, an amazing husband, a great job and a charmed life. What more could I ask for?

Guys, check out my Christmas Cactus! It is my one gardening success. The majority of the plants I started out with when we moved to Hawaii have succumbed to one sad fate or another. But the Christmas Cactus is blooming all over the place! There are four flowers on it now, and I counted four more buds about to pop out. All this little guy needed was a bigger pot. It was totally root bound in its original container, but it didn't bite the dust, it just held on until my mom finally repotted it for me, and now look at it!

Dear lord I hope so...

We've always known the Little Princess is an active baby. At our very first ultrasound at 12 weeks - back when she still looked somewhat more like a tadpole than an actual human - we could see her launching her little peanut self repeatedly off the side of my uterus with her legs like a Mexican jumping bean. I felt the first fluttery goldfish movements around 16 or 17 weeks. Since then, she's grown even more active, kicking and squirming with gusto around the clock. Lately, though, now that she's getting bigger and running out of room, the sweet thumps and swirls have turned into something more akin to a rabid ferret in a burlap sack. She likes to enthusiastically pedal what I can only imagine are her feet, and sometimes if she's positioned just right, she stomps on my bladder with enough force that it causes me to pee a little. I can't be held responsible for this, internets, I'm sure you understand.

31 weeks. Although I'm now nearly at 32... only 8 more weeks to go. I'm shocked that I haven't started to panic, considering that my cousin gave birth at 35 weeks and that is only 3 weeks away from now. And we have nothing for the baby but a carseat and a crib that sits in about 30 pieces in our guest room. Which we will be packing up into boxes and moving across the island in a month's time. My poor cousin had nothing either. Well, at least her nursery was done and ready to accept a scrunchy little newborn. But she was supposed to have her baby shower right before she ended up going into labor (it was canceled because of the huge snowstorm in the DC area).

Speaking of moving, the best news ever: our condo is rented! YAY! That is a huge relief lifted off my mind knowing there will be someone in here as soon as we leave and we don't have to fight with our landpeople about whether we owe them rent... I haven't been blogging about THAT saga, in case we ended up going to court with them, but now I don't have to worry about it! And we don't have to show the place or keep posting it on craigslist or worry about whether the toilets are clean in case someone wants to stop by.

Conversation at work yesterday, with that old guy who was constantly making the twins comments:

Old Guy: So when are you actually going on your leave?

Me: Well, it depends how I feel, but I'm hoping to work until my due date.

Old Guy: And your due date is when?

Me: April 30, officially. But I'm thinking it's not going to be until the first or second week of May.

Old Guy: ... this year?

Me: ........

Only nine more weeks to go - EEK!

Time seems to be flying by these days. Partly because I'm working a lot right now, I'm sure! In the beginning of this pregnancy, the time was just dragging. It seemed I would never reach the magical 12 week point, then it seemed I would never get to halfway. Now it's going by too fast! I'm feeling more and more pressure to get baby stuff and get it all organized, but I can't do any nesting really until after we move! Three weeks before my due date OH MY LANDS. Please Baby Girl, stay in full term.

My house is dirty and the bathrooms are starting to disgust me, but moving day is on the horizon and I have housecleaning "senioritis"... I need to clean them though because now we have potential renters tromping trough to see the house and I really do want the landpeople to find a renter before we leave.

We bought our carseat so at least there's that. We still have no diapers or onesies, and no nursing paraphenalia, but at least we can bring the baby home from the hospital. Speaking of nursing, I noticed a bit of colostrum in the shower the other day and ... well... it really kind of freaked me out! Dude. I guess I need to get used to stuff coming out of the boobs...

Adam is starting his month on the night shift today. He was still sleeping when I left for work this morning, and he'll be gone by the time I get home. I will see him for about 15 minutes tomorrow on my way out the door. So it goes. The weird part is going to be this weekend when he crawls in bed with me around 6 in the morning and sleeps most of the day while I go about my weekend. It's going to be interesting figuring out the baby routine with this weird schedule... especially if I go back to work full time.

Work. Meh. They gave me a parking pass so I can park near the building instead of having to waddle up the ginormous hill to the parking areas every day. I slipped and nearly fell on my arse about a week ago, so it's high time I started parking in a reasonable spot instead of the in the ridiculous joke of a parking regime they have here. However. That privilige will go away as soon as the baby is born. The idea of lugging a breast pump up and down the hill every day, in addition to my gym bag and lunch... god. It makes me want to sit down and cry.

So I will be going to our birth class alone this evening. We are talking about possible complications in labor and how to deal with them... basically getting educated on knowing when we need interventions and when we can still try to give birth without. Obviously there are some circumstances that would necessitate medical interventions, and it's important to know when to continue to advocate for yourself for the birth you want, and when it's time to fold the cards. Last week we talked about writing a birth plan, and the week before was second stage labor. I'm feeling more confident about the birth as the weeks go by. Now I just need this baby to get into the proper position and we'll be ready to go!