Thursday, April 30, 2009

Stream of consciousness between 12:38 and 12:52 on Thursday the last day of April 2009

Sadness. It's only 12:30 and I've already read all my emails, the news, the blogs, eaten lunch, and walked to the far away water fountain to fill my water bottle. Twice. I'm booorrred. I'm going to Miami week after next and I don't want to. I hate traveling for work. I hate this joooob! I feel bad for saying that because at least I have a job - so many people are getting laid off right now.

I keep thinking I need to start getting up early to work out before work again. That used to be my routine, but since I've been here we stay up later and I sleep later and then work out during my work day (usually). But it's way less consistent. Something about waiting till later in the day, my motivation for it starts to evaporate around 10. I don't like having to change out of work clothes, get sweaty and then try to rinse off/clean up as best I can and put work clothes back on and go back to work. And the end of the day? Yeah it sounds like a good idea, but who really wants to go do ANOTHER thing you don't really want to after you just got done doing NINE HOURS of things you don't really want to? It seems silly to spend an hour of my morning working out when I can take the time out of my work day and have that extra hour of free time. But at least in the morning I actually want to work out, even if it is really hard to get out of bed to do it. And then I have the nice shot of endorphins to get me through till lunch.

This is my biggest problem right now. Go ahead and punch me in the face if you want (hypothetically). That and how I need to find another activity outside of eating to entertain myself with. I am going to enter another Turbulence Training contest, which starts on Monday, since that seemed to give me a lot of motivation for weight loss last year. Yes, I hate that I'm doing this AGAIN when I spent May-August losing the same weight last year. Apparently I have even more to lose this time though... I got on the scale at the doctor's last week and practically had a hernia - evidently I've gained 26 lbs since I moved here, not even shitting. And I was still about 7 lbs over where I really wanted to be when I moved here back in November last year. I doubt I'll be able to lose 26 lbs in 12 weeks. I lost 12 last year and then a few more after that. I still find it hard to believe that I've gained that much weight. I mean, I don't think I LOOK like I've gained that much. But I haven't gotten the gumption to get on my own scale at home yet. I will do that on Monday. I'm going to go ahead and start the contest on Monday even though I'm going to Miami the following week. It will help me stay on track. So if I *really* have 30 # to lose to get to my ideal weight (i.e., where I feel most comfortable and ALL my clothes fit and I can walk into any store in the mall and try on clothes and not feel like omg nothing fits), then I expect it to take 30 weeks which would be the end of November. No I do not actually believe I have that much to lose (wishful thinking?). ANYWAY. Yes I am bored enough to have just spent 20 minutes of my life blogging about this.


Black Daffodil Films said...

hahaha...feel better now?

Good luck with the were so proud of yourself last year..its alway so nice to feel accomplished.

Craig Ballantyne, CSCS, MS said...

C'mon! You can do it! looking forward to seeing you in the contest.