New Rules of Lifting for Women

I went for a run on the trails this morning. Didn't want to go, but I am so glad I made myself cause it felt SO GOOD. The temperature was right around 55, cool breeze - perfect weather. I really want to get some more running in this spring and maybe train for another 10-miler or half marathon. I've been off the trails out of paranoia because there have been a bunch of attacks on female joggers in Arlington lately. There was another one a couple weeks ago. Guess I'll just have to remember to bring my pepper spray and some whoop-ass hehe. It's not funny, though!

Weather yesterday was beautiful too. I walked down to the Lincoln Memorial and walked around the reflecting pool. Days like yesterday when I still feel like it's cool that I live and work in DC. Most of the time lately I'm just anxious and frustrated and wanting to leave here. I think that's one of the reasons why I haven't been sleeping that well lately. I lay awake and worry and feel anxious.

On New Rules for Women -- Laurie, I don't think it's a man/woman thing like the BFL for Women book which was a total SUCK. In fact, I think much of the front matter of the book is much better written than the original and provides more information. I think EVERYONE could benefit from reading it. I think the workouts feel less challenging because the program is written to appeal to all kinds of exercisers, especially women who have been working out for a long time, even using weights, but haven't moved past "doing the machines." For someone who's never touched an Olympic barbell, you can't just throw them into a program with all kinds of crazy supersets like in NROL!! I'm just enjoying it right now, I'm trying to be better about not needing to go balls out 100% of the time. Sometimes it's ok to chill out a bit in the gym, work on your form and enjoy not feeling so trashed after a workout that you could get a nap!! Anyway, it looks like the program is about to pick up a bit as I'm done with the first phase after tomorrow. Then I move on to a 3x6 rep scheme, which I'm really looking forward to!

Catch y'all later...

UFC and Sextuplets

I'm watching UFC fight night on Spike! Love it! I have no idea why I'm addicted to UFC, I just love this shit! These guys are animals. I especially like UFC All Access where they show their training - they are hard core, y'all!! One episode showed Wanderlei Silva doing his training with his nostrils taped shut, breathing through a SNORKEL!! OMFG! He was doing hard core tabata-type intervals, weights, sprints, drills, and THEN, he got in the POOL! Still with the snorkel on and started doing drills in the water! Bring it, yo! Here, I found a youtube, the snorkel training starts about minute 7:



Last night I was watching marathon episodes of Jon & Kate Plus 8. Have you ever seen this? They have two sets of multiples - twins and SEXTUPLETS! When I first saw this show a couple years ago, I thought, oh, that poor woman. Ugh! But now that the little ones are older - they're 3 - and they all have their own personalities, it actually seems kind of cool. I know, I sound insane. Maybe not having six babies At. One. Time. But having a big family - they just have so much love. More people = more love!

I'm still doing the New Rules of Lifting for Women workouts. I can't say they are the most challenging or engaging workouts I've ever done. I suffered through the original NROL workouts, and Afterburn, both of which kind of blow these workouts out of the water. It looks like they get better as time goes on, but in the beginning maybe just a bit too tame for me. I'm not giving up just yet! Maybe I'll add another set to make it 3x10 instead of 2x10.

Happy Tuesday, y'all. Hey, when is it Springtime??? So much for global warming..... LOL!

Routine, Workout, Movie reviews

I've been having a really tough time getting readjusted to my schedule again now that Adam is gone. We were staying up until 10:30 - 11, sleeping till 7 or 7:30 and I was not working out. Bliss! Now I have to go to bed by 9-9:30 and get up at 5:00?! Gak.

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I made it to the gym this morning and did a NROL4W workout:

(2x10)
A: Front squat with overhead press (killer) - 55#

B1: Step up - 25# db's
B2: One point DB rows (bent over rows balancing on one leg - total body exercise!) - 25# db's

C1: static lunge with rear foot elevated - 25# db's
C2: pushup (these are easy, I do 'em slow to make 'em harder)

D1: plank (60 sec)
D2: horizontal cable wood chop ('nother total body exercise!) - #2 plate on the cable machine

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It's getting rather a lot like spring here in DC. It's still a leeetle chilly - I went out today for a walk on my lunch break and was a bit cold in the wind, but it was sunny and lovely all the same. I am glad I will be able to resume walking on my luch break - I like to walk over by the White House or down by the reflecting pool by the Lincoln Memorial is also nice. My office is literally across the hall from the bathroom so if I don't make a point to go outside I could theoretically sit motionless all day. Except, you know, for the tapping of my fingers on the keyboard/mouse. Mouseclicks. I wonder how many calories that burns......

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The Other Boleyn Girl was not a good movie. Adam and I saw it while he was here. It wasn't terrible, but it was spoiled for me because I saw the first season of the Tudors on demand and it was really good, and the movie was just poorly acted and tried to cover too much history in a short time.

Juno, on the other hand, was really, really funny! We liked it. Well, except that I thought it was a bit flip on the subject of teenage pregnancy: she gets pregnant and it's all funny and fun and everything just goes right back to normal afterwards... But if you look past that, it had some great lines.

Happy Wednesday, kids!

What's News?

I got a great compliment this morning! I was in the squat rack, finishing up a set with 140#, and the trainer working his client in the rack next to me said, "That is some GOOD squatting! You squat better than 90% of the guys in here!" I was pretty flattered.

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I skipped my planned cardio yesterday, mainly because my bed just felt so good and warm and it was freezing rain outside. I also skipped my HIIT this morning because I ran out of time. When my alarm went off at 5 I realized I did not wake up in the night to pee and so had not taken my thyroid pill. I count on waking up (naturally) during the night to go to the bathroom so I can take my thyroid pill, which has to be on an empty stomach at least an hour before eating. So far, this has happened three times now since I've been back in DC - where I've slept soundly through the entire night and not taken my pill. It didn't happen once the whole time I was in Hawaii.

When it happens, I have to take it in the morning and delay the gym, since I don't work out on an empty stomach. I guess I could have gotten up anyway and gotten other things ready while I was waiting on the hour to pass, but it's much easier to reset the alarm for 6 and snooze a bit longer. I'll make up the HIIT on my next leg day, and yesterday's cardio on Friday. No biggie.

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The dentist was fine yesterday, except... how do I always manage to forget about how insanely AWFUL that water-pick thingie is???? It's AWFUL!! I was getting water sprayed all. over. my. face. Seriously I had water running down the side of my neck?! WTF is that??

He referred me to an oral surgeon to have one of my wisdom teeth pulled that is growing in a little bit on the top. Ugh. Do I really have to do this? Sometimes I think they are just scamming us all on the wisdom tooth thing to drum up more business! The thing is not causing any problems, but he says it probably will eventually and it will be harder to take care of as I get older.

He also suggested I talk to the oral surgeon about my salivary gland problem. He had the gaul to suggest that the pain was caused by me grinding my teeth at night and making the muscles in my jaw sore. This was after I had described how the parotid glands swell up like ping pong balls under my ears whenever I eat.

I didn't punch him in the face.

I calmly told him, no, I don't think that's the problem.

The hygenist told me sometimes people can get stones in blocked salivary glands and the surgeon would have more experience with it than they. She placated me with a goody-bag full of Biotene products and a prescription for at-home fluoride treatments.

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Today I am going to the optometrist. Tomorrow I have to have blood drawn for my usual thyroid testing and next Tuesday I go back to the cancer doctor to find out what manner of torture I will have to endure for my follow up scans. If I get a clean scan I will officially be in remission!!

On the Exploding Oven and other randomness...

Did I ever tell you guys about the day my oven exploded? Yeah. I shit you not. I wasn't there when it happened, thank god because I guess I could have gotten hurt? Although the glass was shatterproof and exploded into about a thousand little chunks instead of sharp shards. I came home from being out of town for a few days and discovered it. Behold:



I still don't really know what caused the explosion. I went online and found many stories of this happening to other people. A lot seemed to be GE appliances (which mine is), but there were other brands too. Apparently because the glass is tempered, any slight imperfection will eventually cause the glass to shatter. This happens to microwaves too, which you can imagine is far more dangerous than the oven because many people have their microwaves above their ovens at head level. There was a woman a few years ago who was injured when a microwave door exploded in her face while she was shopping in Sears. This could happen to you! Craziness.

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Adam and I hung out together on the webcam for about 2 hours yesterday. It was so good to see his face, I almost burst into tears. I miss him so much and the prospect of being separated for the next two years while he is stationed in Hawaii just seems so daunting and overwhelming. Sometimes I really want to just throw in the towel, quit my job and move out there. But I know I would regret that in the long run. And I would be really sad when he goes back to Durka-durka-stan again and I'm stuck at home alone all day with nothing to do except lay on the beach (hmmmm.... considering....) -- NO, it would get sad and lonely after only a few days of that. I need a job there or I can't go!

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I had a pretty good workout yesterday. I'm waiting on my New Rules of Lifting book to arrive in the mail so I can get some new routines. I've been on a "fat loss" type routine since basically this time last year trying to lose the 5 lbs I gained after cancer plus the 5 lbs I gained being a nincompoop with the vending machine (which equals just enough weight that most of my clothes don't fit anymore, which is why this is kinda bothering me because I really don't want to spend $1,000 buying new suits). Which just proves that if you don't dial in nutrition, no amount of exercise is going to make you skinny. Anyway, my point in telling you this is only to say that I'm changing things up at the moment to more of a bodybuilding-style split - 4 days of lifting, alternating upper and lower body with optional cardio. Last week I did no cardio, this week I'm shooting for two 15 minute HIIT sessions after my leg workouts and two 30 minute moderate intensity cardio sessions on my off days. So it looks like this:

Sun: 30 minutes on the arc trainer + kundalini yoga
Mon: upper body, chest focus
Tues: 30 minutes on the stepmill + yoga
Wed: legs, quad focus + 15 minutes of HIIT
Thurs: upper body, back focus
Friday: yoga
Sat: legs, hip and hamstrings focus + 15 minutes of HIIT

These workouts are heavier lifts with fewer reps. I figure I should focus on building some strength and muscle before I might have to lose a bunch of it going hypo again for my scans.

Here was yesterday:

warmup - squats, lunges, back extensions

deadlift (4x6) superset with dumbbell split squats (static lunge) (4x8)
DL: .........................SS:
10 x 65#....... ........10 x 25 # db's
8 x 75# ...................10 x 25's
6 x 80#....................8 x 30's
6 x 95# ...................8 x 30's
6 x 115# .................8 x 30s
6 x 125# .................8 x 30's

good morning (3x8) superset with calf press on the hip sled (3 x 20)
GM: .......................Calf press:
8 x 65#................... 20 x 180#
8 x 75# ...................20 x 180 #
8 x 85# ...................20 x 180 #

HIIT on the bike (I wanted to puke a lung!)

I should credit this routine to Jen Heath, whose physique I covet:

OK time to get up and get this party started!

Things I did not miss about Gold's in Ballston...

1. No one re-racks their weights. There are weights strewn around everywhere and you sometimes can’t find one or both of a set, especially 15-30 lb DB’s and 5 lb weight plates. Seriously, why is this so hard for people? I just can’t believe it half the time. When you leave plates on the bar, the next person who comes along is going to have to rack them in order to start their workout. It is so inconsiderate!

2. People who raid your bar when you walk off to do a superset. Because they can’t tell if you’re done. Because no one re-racks their weights. Especially if you sat there and watched me hunt for a 5# plate and you didn’t see me do a set yet. Yeah, you were sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME, don’t tell me you didn’t notice.

3. Punk ass trainers who wear waaay to much frickin cologne/aftershave (it’s a gym for chrissakes) and work their clients with the 7 # db’s on flat chest presses… or the bosu ball. Give me a break. Piss off already.

4. People who bring their coffee and the paper to the weight room in the morning and roost on a bench doing bicep curls. And speaking of bicep curls….

5. … wannabe’s who do bicep curls (aka Frat Curls) in the gadammed squat rack. For the love of god, get a clue. And get out of my way! I should not have to wait in line to squat because you’re in there doing curls. By the way, when IS leg day anyway?!

Working out at a military gym was soooo nice because none of these shenanigans goes on there. Sigh. I pay actual money to deal with that shit. Some day I'm going to have a home gym - Bliss!

DB Swings Rock!

I was doing 25# dumbbell swings this morning at the gym and man am I going to be sore! Those things are a killer total body exercise. I feel like I'm going to pass out. I would have used a 20# db, but they were all missing from the rack?? Stupid Gold's - that place is so trashed out all the time. What is up with people?? Why can't you just put your shit back where you got it from instead of leaving it strewn all over the damn weight room? Seriously, people drag db's all over the weight room and just leave them there when they are done. Same thing for O-plates, they leave them on the floor! Gah! The trainers are some of the worst, too.

Anyway, here was my workout (exercises are bodyweight unless otherwise noted):

Warmup:
2x10 - squat, pushup, wall stick-up, mountain climbers, lunge, spiderman lunge

Supersets - 3 sets of each

squat x 15
offset pushup x 8 each side

split squat with front foot elevated x 12 (10# db's)
inverted row x 12

stability ball side knee tucks x 6 each side
stability ball hamstring curls x 15

spiderman pushups (on knees) x 8 each
hip extension x 15 each

25# db swings 6 sets of 15 with 30 seconds trying not to puke...I mean rest in between

One of my colleagues is sick today with something ghastly. He looks like the living dead. People should not come to work when they are wheezing and oozing like that!!

Also, the weather turned cold and nasty today. The temperature is supposed to drop abou 20 degrees from this morning and it is windy and raining.

I'm looking forward to going home on Saturday! A whole week off - this is the first real vacation I have taken this year.

Valerie Waugman - inspiration

Check out Valerie Waugman's workout in this video.

Where'd I leave my lifting gloves? I've got a date with some iron!

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/valerie10.htm

Some day my arms will look like hers.!!!!

Out of the box progress

I have not blogged because I do not think anyone reads here! That and I have some things running through my head that I don't feel like I can talk about here. That and I am boring and have no life besides the gym and my job!!

I am doing 4 lifting circuits and 4 HIIT sessions per week in this phase of my workout. It is hard. If I want to have a whole day off, which I think I need, I have to double up two of those days with lifting/cardio... and after I lift, I just feel too wasted to get anything out of a HIIT session!

I did not get my HIIT session done yesterday after lifting. Once again, I just felt too tweaked, even with a serving of breakfast oats in me before my workout.

Today's workout
I did a treadmill session today: 25 mins, 5 one-minute interval rounds w/ 2 minute recovery.

My speeds were:
6.0/8.5, 8.6, 8.7, 8.8, 8.9!! Which is officially the fastest I've ever gone on the treadmill. And to be honest, this felt a little too easy so I think next time I will try all my intervals at the higher speed, and go up to 6.1 for the recovery.

I walked for a bit after this and did some stretching and some work with the foam roller (calves are knotty!).

Reflections on progress
As I was cooling down, I was thinking about how much progress I have made since January. I tried to keep up with physical activity while I was going through my cancer treatments, but I had to back off the intensity of everything. I still went in the weight room when I could and "lifted" really light weights, just to keep my body moving and my muscles remembering what they are supposed to do. I tried to keep running, then eventually had to stop that too and just walk or pedal on the bike. Before my surgery I was running about 30 miles a week. It was sad to watch myself detrain. I'll never forget going on a walk and my HR being like 175 just walking uphill and my HR monitor was beeping like crazy and I had to stop at the top and bend over to catch my breath and stop myself from passing out.

Before my radiation, I had to stop taking my thyroid hormone altogether and become severely hypothyroid. I won't go into what that was like, but it was not fun. It was hard to get off the couch. I couldn't remember whether I'd cracked one egg or three. Without any thyroid hormone, your body just starts to shut down because your cells can't get any energy! Once pedaling on the bike, I remember looking down at the display and I was pedaling at level 2 and barely like 50 rpm's or something and I felt like I was climbing Mt. Everest. I got off the bike and just cried.

When I started to get better, the first time I tried to do an "interval" on the step machine, I went for 1 minute at a moderate level 7 and then had to get off the machine because my HR just would not come down under 170 and it freaked me out! Of course, I almost passed out b/c all the blood drained out of my head once I abruptly stopped.

Aaannyyway. I don't want to belabor the unpleasants, I just wrote all that so y'all can get a sense of why I'm feeling proud of how far I've come!! It's been almost 5 months and I'm feeling really healthy, and I ran at 8.9 today!

Legs are sore! I'm progressing in my lifts and the single-leg exercises Cosgrove has me doing right now are getting "easier" - LOL.

Gym Faux Pas?!
Oh, I know gym people will appreciate this story...

So I'm at the gym yesterday doing OVERHEAD SQUATS (which I consider to be a pretty hard-core exercise!). I'm holding a bar OVER MY HEAD with my arms locked out, doing squats. And in the middle of my set, this scrawny guy comes up to me TO ASK ME IF I'M USING THE SMITH MACHINE.

Dude.

a) I'm doing overhead squats.
b) I'm doing overhead squats (no, I'm not using the smith machine, genius).
c) I'm doing overhead squats (are you CRAZY?! don't talk to me in the middle of my set! I could get HURT... or you might when I throw this bar at you!!!)

LOL!

Also, another fitness related rant? Can the sports store please employ SOMEONE who knows about lifting equipment??? I'm there looking to buy lifting straps (b/c I can deadlift more than my grip strength allows on some sets) and an employee comes up to see if I need help.

Me: "Sure, I'm trying to decide if I need these padded ones or if I'm fine without the padding... the padded ones seem a little big on my girly wrists."

Guy: "Um, when I used to lift," (ed note: he's maybe 18) "I just used gloves."

Me: blink blink... "Ok, thanks."

Eventually he went off to get his supervisor who didn't know anything either. Nice.

Ok, that's enough ranting for one day!!!

I'm all out of sorts...

We finally made it out to Sugarloaf on Sunday and did the 5 mile loop. It was so nice! The weather was perfect - a little windy and chilly when we started out, but it warmed up and by the end my t-shirt was soaked. The sky was so blue and clear, the view was amazing. Usually it's a bit hazy. That always wipes me out good though, and I was pretty baked the rest of the day!

And I woke up Monday morning with a serious pain in my right hip. Probably from the combination of jump squats followed by a 5 mile hike the next day. I decided to take Monday off from the gym, but I was still feeling it this morning!

Plus I had a really shaky workout. I kept feeling like I was about to pass out, and had to sit down and take long rests in between sets - definitely the worst workout I've had recently. I think I was dehydrated? My heart was just racing. I made it through. I also had trouble doing the cable rows because my arm is pretty bruised from where I had blood drawn on Monday. Seriously, I think this lady did it on purpose, I really felt it when she jabbed me! Usually you don't feel hardly anything, if the person knows what they are doing. It seemed like she stabbed the needle in harder than necessary and I was like, OW, that hurt!! And she goes, (in this sugary voice) oh, but I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm like, yeah... whatever. Anyway, it actually made the rows really painful to do!

AND, to top all that off? The mother of all zits has taken up residence RIGHT in the middle of my eyebrows. It never ends.

Lift Strong

As a cancer survivor and gym geek, obviously I am delighted to see this! Especially since I'm following one of Alwyn Cosgrove's programs right now!


I mentioned before that Alwyn is a two-time cancer survivor - he underwent a complete stem cell transplant in June of 2006. After recovering, he decided that it's time for the gym rats to join in the fundraising efforts to support cancer research, without which he would not be around to design brilliant lifting routines and amuse us with his often hilarious and always informative writing on fitness and nutrition.

He got more than 50 trainers and fitness writers to contribute to the book, LIFT STRONG, which turned out to be so long that he decided to release it on a special CD-ROM compilation rather than pass off printing expenses. The digital book is a collection of fitness training secrets and advice from some of the biggest names in fitness and also includes Alwyn’s email diaries documenting his account of everything he went through during cancer treatment. 100% of the proceeds go to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

It's only been a week since LIFT STRONG was launched and already they've raised more than $10,000!

There will be a cure someday. We will look back and be horrified at how we treated cancer "before" - by cutting into and poisoning the body. It's efforts like this that are going to get us there!

300

I've been hearing about this movie everywhere! I guess I'm going to have to see it, especially to check out how ripped those guys got! Here's the "300 workout":

Total of 300 reps, no rest in between sets:

Pullups - 25
Deadlifts with 135lbs - 50
Pushups - 50
24-inch Box jumps - 50
Floor wipers - 50
1-arm 36lbs Kettlebell Clean n Press - 50 reps
Pullups - 25

Holy cow!! Did you check out the floor wipers? I think if I tried those in my gym people would stop what they were doing and stare!! LOL! I wonder if I could even do those? Hmmmm....

Craig Ballantyne had this posted at Turbulence Training.

Spring is on the way!

I'm not sure what happened to this post. I tried emailing it to blogger, but I guess it got lost in the cyberspace. Soooo ... this was from Tuesday.

There are still random melting chunks of ice everywhere, but it's in the 40's today -- halleleuja!! I cannot WAIT until spring is here. It's bittersweet because several weeks of lovely, brilliant weather are followed by brutish heat and humidity beyond what is humanly tolerable. Sadly, our nation's capital is built on humid lowlands unfit for human habitation. If you don't believe me, come here in August and walk in the stifling sauna for 15 minutes! I can't wait to run outside again. In the summer, even running before sunrise leaves you soaked from head to toe, but I don't care! Anything but the Dread'!!

After the end of the wallowing, plus sleeping 10 hrs a day for THREE days in a row (yay for sleep!) I had really fantastic workouts two days in a row. I had a fully destructive leg workout involving squats, deadlifts, split squats and step ups. Then, despite sore legs, I completed my first HIIT workout! I've tried to do some intervals recently, to no avail. They've always left me hunched over behind the machine in a dizzy stupor. I finally realized -- duh -- I didn't START doing intervals at full throttle, and I can't expect to jump right back in and kick it like I did before the surgery. So I did a modified interval workout on the step machine - BFL style, where instead of level 5, 6, 7, 8, I hit level 5, 6, 7, then 7 again, four times. Not bad! Next time I will throw a couple of 8s in there and gradually work my way back up. I then jogged for 10 minutes at 6 mph, focusing on my form.

In the weight room, I've been doing a different workout each time I've been in. Mostly they've been high rep total body workouts with upper/lower supersets (like pairing squats with assisted pull ups). This week I'm going to do a leg day, and upper body day and a total body day, plus 3 days of some kind of cardio (not necessarily running unless it's nice enough outside cause the Dread' is making me batty). Leg day is done. Here's my upper body workout:

These are all 4 sets of 10 reps each, supersets with full rest...

Dumbell incline bench press (30's)
Seated cable row (number 5 on the machine, not sure of the lbs)

Standing shoulder press (15's)
Wide grip lat pull down (number 6 on the machine, not sure of lbs)

Close grip barbell bench press (55#)
High shoulder pull (30#)

Swiss Ball crunches - bodyweight - 3x15

I'm thinking moderate cardio tomorrow - maybe a 3-4 mile jog, then lift again Thursday. Friday is rest day. Saturday I may attempt the 6 miles I had planned but did not complete this past weekend - IF the weather cooperates. I will not run 6 on the Dread'. We went and saw Bridge to Terabithia yesterday, which was pretty good. Then we met friends for Vietnamese food. For the record (I'm sure I will probably offend someone here), I detest Vietnamese food. Especially pho (gak). And the person sitting across from me, of course, ordered a gigantic bowl of (you guessed it) pho. I spent the meal gagging privately to myself as that unmistakable odor of dirty laundry water wafted across the table into my face. Ew.

On the orchid, Chris, where do you come up with this stuff?! Since when do you cultivate orchids?! :) You're funny. I have determined that I have a phalaenopsis that looks like this. It is planted in bark in a container that allows draining. My main concern is that it is at work under the bright neon lights - is this a bad idea? Too much light? It will probably stay cooler in my office than at home, especially in the summer, but I'm worried about it getting too much light. I read that they like cool shady spots.

Sick and Tired

What? I have a blog? Oh yeah, I guess I could log on and write something sometimes!

The truth is that I've been in a pissy mood all week -- and what is it they say? If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say nothin' at all. Of course, I reserve the right to be a complaining, uptight bitch anytime I want! It's my blog after all... but I somehow don't feel much like sitting down to type it out when all I have to say is bah.

First of all, I've been busier than a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest. And that's partly because I apparently must now sleep for 9+ hours per day and fart around for another hour (at least) in the morning to be functional. And I've just been tired. I'm tired all the time, it seems. Definitely still hypo. Not as bad as when I had NO medicine in me at all, that was really hell. For one thing, I don't have the energy for my workouts. And my muscles get more sore, it seems, and it takes them longer to recover than before.

[On a tangent here, I was thinking grim thoughts and realized that without taking any thyroid hormone, I was pretty much DYING. I mean, it probably would have taken months before I would go into a coma or anything, but I would die without thyroid hormone... eventually. Ok, moving on...]

I'm tired of being sick. And I'm sick of being tired. I'm just sick and tired!!! Aargh! It's so frustrating because I look pretty normal, and I just want it all to be behind me already.

On the workout front, not much has been happening. I worked out a whole two times last week. Pathetic. It's part of my undoing - I start to fall apart when I don't exercise. I've been running some. It's sub-optimal, to say the least. My heart is just working so hard and I'm not running that fast, which means it's difficult to carry on for very long. Mostly my runs consist of moments when I feel ok, just ok, and moments when I am FREAKING THE HECK OUT BECAUSE OH MY LORD HOW AM I EVER GOING TO BE READY TO RUN TEN MILES IN LESS THAN EIGHT WEEKS. Which does not help the heart rate, I can tell you. Plus, it is really stinking cold here, people. It's going to be in the low 20s for a high all week. And I absolutely abhor running outdoors in the dark in the morning in those frigid temperatures. I abhor it just slightly more than I abhor running on the Dreadmill, which means that I run on the Dreadmill. And there is no joy in that, people. No joy.

I can report that I ran yesterday and it did not go too poorly. It was sunny and 32 degrees. Perfect weather for a Saturday winter jog. And my heart rate stayed around 158, which was happy. Evidently I can keep it close to normal as long as I maintain 10-11 mph on a flat surface. I saw something curious on the trail that sent me into a brooding pensiveness. There was a woman walking along, outside on the trail, for exercise, while reading a book. A large hard-cover novel. Strange. That's not the first time I've seen that in this city. I'll never forget the first time I saw someone on their lunch break downtown, strolling along a busy city street reading a book. I've seen people clearly headed somewhere - with a determined stride - on a busy sidewalk reading the paper or a novel. But this is the first time I've seen someone on the trail doing it. I have to just say, can't this city just chill the heck out? For five minutes?! Heck.

Part of my depressive, ass-dragging, bitter mood is probably caused by the fact that I'm now starting to deal with some of the emotional/spiritual repercussions of a cancer diagnosis, and everything I've been through in the last few months. Sometimes it's completely overwhelming. I've said before that cancer is a thief, and it continues to prove itself such. The latest in the list of things it has thieved away from me is my identity. My sense of self and purpose and direction. All that went up in the wind on October 19, when I found out I had cancer, and it's still swirling around up above me. I haven't had much chance to think about it while I've been going through all the immediate life-saving stuff. But now that that's over, I'm left with all these holes and pieces of my self and my life and I just haven't quite figured out how it all fits together anymore. There are holes that never will be filled, and some broken things will never be fixed, and some pieces just don't seem to belong anymore. It's not like I sit here and wonder specifically, who am I in this world? It's far more subtle than that. I feel like I'm just going through the motions of my former life, waiting for something. What does all that mean to me now? I'm just not sure. My perspective is so changed and shifted, and I'm still so dizzy from it, that I can't see the path ahead, or if I'm still on the same path, or even in the same forest.

Why do I do any of the things I do each day? What matters to me? How do I want to spend my time, my precious time, each precious minute? How do I want my life to look? There are many many moments when I just want out. I want to get away from this city, this rat race, this void of politicians and self-important people, this never-ending stream of demands and developments. Sometimes it seems so ... absurd. I feel like I'm standing still, submersed in water even, while the world rushes around me, absurdly, uselessly, wastefully. I just want to get away from it. I want a more quiet place. A more beautiful place. A less paved place. I want more laughter and joy, more adventure. If I thought I could find a job even half as interesting as what I do now, I would split in a second - back to the west, to the mountains and the desert. Near my family.

Sometimes I just want to not have to BE so much anymore. Not have to be so smart, and have so much information, or the answer. Not have to be going here and there, not have to eat just so or be awake or be interested or interesting. Sometimes everything seems so tiresome.

And I feel like a stranger in my own skin. This scar, which I see every time I look in the mirror. Purply red still. Forever there now. It makes me want to throw up sometimes when I see it and I think about it. And it hurts, in the morning especially. Tender like a fresh burn. It wakes me up sometimes. It will be there on my wedding day- a little smile reminding me of where I've been. Yes, I think about that, and feel sad about it sometimes too. And this body, which does not want to work as well as it once did - I feel too young to be broken. I feel jealous in the gym when everyone is pushing through their workouts and I have to stop every five minutes so I don't pass out. I want my body back - I want to trade in this ever-softening, weak, sad body. And I think of all the things this body has to carry me through in the future and I feel scared for it. Pregnancy someday... how will I get through that?! Will it just be a challenge instead of a joy as I always imagined it would? And don't even get me started thinking about all the follow-up and possible recurrences and retreatments and all... I will become a nervous wreck!!

So... that's pretty much all I've got to say. Not a whole lot positive - there's a lot of stewing and churning inside of me. It's made me withdrawn and isolated. I'm usually extremely introverted anyway, but this is a solitary and silent struggle magnified greatly. You know it's bad when you can't even open up to the internet. And internet, I know you're always there for me! I think about you all the time. What is the internet doing right now, I think, does it miss me? Does it even notice I've not been around? Here's hoping I have better thoughts to add to the ether next time.

You know you’re an addict when….

…. All of the sidewalks between you and the gym are covered in sheets of ice and you head out anyway, knowing that although this means that you are, in fact, insane, you will have the weight room practically all to yourself. Never did I think there would be someone crazier than myself out at that hour of the morning when, lo and behold, I see this guy coming toward me jogging in the slushy mess in the gutter. In shorts. I could not make this stuff up.

Do or do not; there is no try.

Exciting things are happening!! I made an appearance in the weight room yesterday! The Force was not with me. I think my muscles have run off with my taste buds and my saliva. They're all partying it up on the beach in Bermuda, drinking Mai Tai's, eating corn chips and looking sexy in a two piece.

So yesterday was leg day!! Wow. The loss of muscle mass in my legs is shocking, really. The whole time I kept thinking, don't overdo it... Still, I could not resist the magnetic pull of the squat rack. Squats are one of my favorite exercises. (I know, I'm insane.) I did some warm-ups sets and then repped 100# six times (all the while thinking, this is probably overdoing it...). I definitely felt like I had more in the tank, but I figured it's better to leave it there than blow it all the first day. You rarely know if you've overdone it until the next day when you can't sit down on the toilet without holding on to something! I'm not too sore today, so I think I found the balance.

I've started thinking about the Cherry Blossom 10 miler I'm running on April 1. That gives me 10 weeks from now to train for it. Should be about right. I'm planning to vaguely follow Hal Higdon's novice training program for the 15K (the weekly mileage goals anyway), although I probably won't do 5 days of cardio - I'll do 3 or 4 depending on how I'm feeling.

Novice runners: Training for Your First 15-K

Monday Tuesday Wed Thursday Friday Sat Sunday

Week	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	Sun
1	Stretch & Strengthen	2 m run	30 min cross	2 m run + strength	Rest	2 m run	30 min cross
2	Stretch & Strengthen	3 m run	30 min cross	2 m run + strength	Rest	3 m run	30 min cross
3	Stretch & Strengthen	3 m run	35 min cross	2 m run + strength	Rest	4 m run	30 min cross
4	Stretch & Strengthen	2 m run	35 min cross	2 m run + strength	Rest	2 m run	40 min cross
5	Stretch & Strengthen	4 m run	40 min cross	3 m run + strength	Rest	5 m run	40 min cross
6	Stretch & Strengthen	4 m run	40 min cross	3 m run + strength	Rest	6 m run	50 min cross
7	Stretch & Strengthen	3 m run	45 min cross	3 m run + strength	Rest	4 m run	50 min cross
8	Stretch & Strengthen	5 m run	45 min cross	3 m run + strength	Rest	7 m run	60 min cross
9	Stretch & Strengthen	5 m run	45 min cross	3 m run + strength	Rest	8 m run	60 min cross
10	Stretch & Strengthen	3 m run	30 min cross	2 m run + strength	2 m run or rest	Rest	The 15-K

I'll also do 3 days of weight training, two with no cardio. I'll alternate between two splits, either: legs, back/chest/tris, shoulders/bi's/abs/cardio; or legs, back/bi's/abs, chest/tri's/shoulders (cardio on one of the days, depending how my legs are feeling). Obviously I won't be regaining any leg strength until after the race - well, maybe a little, but my legs tend to get overtrained really fast when I log a lot of weekly mileage (cause I'm stubborn and don't allow myself enough rest!), so my leg days will be moderate weights, higher reps - lots of supersets (no rest between exercises).

And I'll probably peak at 10 miles in week 8, I won't wait till race day before actually completing that distance. I'm also skipping week 1... All this depends on how I'm feeling, of course!! :)

So the plan for this week is:

Sun - shoulders/bi's/abs, 2 mi run
Mon - 3 mi run
Tues - legs
Wed - chest/back/tri's
Thurs - 30 min xtrain
Fri - rest/stretch
Sat - 3 mile run

I've thought about a time goal, and while I'd love to try for 1:30, I think 1:40 is probably more realistic given my circumstances. In reality, my goal should be just to complete the race! But that's a given. If I have to walk half of it, I'm going to complete it, there's not a doubt in my mind.

The taste/saliva thing is getting better gradually. My neck hurts where the radioactive iodine was taken up by the remaining thyroid tissue, and my scar hurts too, especially in the morning. Other than that, I keep feeling better every day (for now!).

I have to report that the first couple times out in public after the RAI were strange! I felt really disconnected and out of it. That experience was completely outside the spectrum of "Things That Happen To People" - it was NOT a normal human experience at all! I think my coping mechanisms were a wee bit overwhelmed! But it's like overdoing it in the weight room - you rarely know your coping skills are overwhelmed until after the fact! It's not until you get some distance and start to process what happened that you think, huh, I was totally not dealing at that moment!

I moved around a LOT growing up. My dad was a fighter pilot in the Air Force until last year, and we moved every year or two. I went to three different high schools. Sometimes people ask me, "how do you cope with that?" The answer is, you don't. At least not while it's happening. You just go through it, and it sucks and you grieve and you cry and then time goes by and you meet new people and you learn a new place and your life expands to make room for the new experiences and that's it. When bad stuff is happening, we don't cope - we just breathe and get through it. My mom always used to say to me, "This too shall pass." And inevitably, sometimes unbelievably, it always does.

If your everyday life seems poor, don't blame it, blame yourself. Tell yourself you are not enough a poet to call forth is riches. For the creative spirit, there is no poverty and no poor, indifferent place.
-Rainer Maria Rilke

A Grand Adventure

Yesterday evening I met my cousin Cara and her husband Matt for a drink to celebrate (it was their wedding I went to back in October). They just moved here, which is pretty cool because we're the same age and Cara and I have always been really close friends. I was the very first grand-baby on both sides of my family, and she was born only 6 months after me. Our dads are identical twins, so we've pretty much grown up together, and we used to say we were technically half-sisters since we share the same DNA from our dads - that was before we learned about biology :) . But we DO look freakishly similar (as do my sister and I - we are mistaken for twins all the time). At the wedding, several people mistook me for the bride!! I guess we don't look that similar in this picture, but here's the three of us at the wedding. I just noticed that I totally have visible sports-bra tan lines and it looks like my dress is about to fall off in this picture!! Oh well, Katie and Cara look great.

I called it an early night and came home about 8:00. Adam is working the night shift this week, so he wasn't around... I rang in the New Year solo! But I was in bed by 10 and it was really no big deal to me. I got completely absorbed in this Discovery channel program about climbers ascending Mt. Everest, including the first man with no legs to make it to the summit, Mark Inglis. He lost his legs in a climbing accident and has two prosthetic limbs from the knees down. It was so amazing. I love stuff like that - adventures and physical challenges. It made me want to have an adventure of my own. I haven't done anything really adventurous in a long time - I've been so focused on my education and work the last few years (which I suppose is a big adventure in its own way!). I think it's time for a grand adventure! I've been feeling restless in that way since my cancer diagnosis. Not sure what yet, but I know there is a lot to look forward to in 2007! It's going to be a *great* year! I'm sure of it.

As for how I'm feeling on Day 3 off my meds... I am hesitant to even talk about it cause I don't want to jinx it, but I feel pretty darn good. Not great, but not bad either. I had a difficult time falling asleep last night - who knows why - but my mind kept churning and mulling and wouldn't quiet down. I kept thinking, I'm still not falling asleep... is this hypo-insomnia?? what if I can't sleep for two weeks?? what if I wake up feeling awful tomorrow?? etc... I did eventually fall asleep. So far my only symptom is mild lightheadedness, especially when I stand up, the world goes black momentarily. I had a couple of really spacey moments yesterday, but for the most part, I feel the same as I did on Friday. Oh, I hope it stays like this!!

I lifted chest, back and tris yesterday. It was a short, easy workout, but it was the same routine I did for those muscles last week. I felt a little shaky and lightheaded - almost like I was hypoglycemic - but the weights seemed to go up just fine. Today I went in for 30 minutes on the step machine and that went off just fine too. I didn't feel hugely energetic or like I wanted to do much more, but it wasn't much trouble to complete. Obviously I am not going to push myself at all, but I think it helps to stay active. Here's me pulling a dorky flex a few days ago (yeah, you like the sweat stain on my sports bra, right?! My biceps are definitely smaller... :) You can't even see the bandage over my scar - it is the same color as my skin. It's a Neosporin Scar Strip, recommended by my surgeon.


As for the diet, that's going fine too. I cooked some of that million-dollar chicken yesterday with some fresh basil, garlic, fresh tomatoes, non-iodized salt, and olive oil. I also had some fresh pork with herbs de provence, balsamic vinegar, olive oil and non-iodized salt. So basically I had to go out of my way a little, but I would have eaten similar things anyway. I also had a bunch of egg whites - I've eaten over a dozen in 3 days - fresh fruit (apple, peaches and blueberries), baby carrots, a huge salad with balsamic vinegar and oil, and several servings of unsalted walnuts. I generally try to eat like this most of the time anyway... I should note that treats are allowed and there are LOTS of dessert recipes in the Thyca LID cookbook - even for chocolate chip cookies and homemade breads. If I had a family I would probably try some of them out, but it's just me so it's easier to keep it simple. I stopped taking the astragalus herbs and acidophilus since I can't tell what's in them, but I'm still taking vitamin C and flax oil.

I went and picked up my real thyroid meds yesterday, even though I can't take them until after the RAI. It makes me feel better somehow knowing they are there and I could (theoretically) take them any time I wanted to.

Happy New Years everyone!!

Don't try this at home

I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas! I'm back at home in DC now and all the magic of the year is over. It was a fun vacation and really good to see my family. Now I'm into the final days of feeling something close to "normal" before I stop taking my temporary thyroid hormone in preparation for the next phase of my cancer treatment - radioactive iodine (RAI). I will stop taking the Cytomel on Saturday December 30 and start a special low iodine diet that will ensure any remaining cancer cells will absorb the RAI and be killed off. On January 9, I will go get a tracer dose of RAI so they can do a scan of my body to see where any cancer cells might be lurking. The scan is on the 10th of January. Depending on the results, they will decide how big a dose to give me. I'm really scared to go off my medicine because it will make me really hypothyroid and I don't know whether I will feel bad or not. I'm also a little worried about the scan. I hope it will be "clean" - no metastases - and I can have a small dose of the RAI. I'm so very excited for all this business of getting rid of the cancer to be over with (for now at least).

Since I started exercising again about a week and a half after surgery, I have tried to get some exercise 4-6 days a week. I've managed to do 30-50 minutes of cardio 3-4 days a week and lift weights 2-3 days. I've lost a good bit of both strength and endurance in the weight room. I haven't been able to tolerate lifting as heavily or for the same amount of time. I haven't had any rhyme or reason to my training, it's just been whatever I could tolerate at the time. Or was in the mood for.

In some way it's like a weird science experiment. I feel very detached about it all, like I'm just observing the process as my body systematically detrains. I'm getting softer and fluffier. My metabolism is slowing as my muscle mass and activity levels decline. Part of me is Really Bothered by these developments. I've never been a rail, but I was leaner prior to the surgery, and stronger. I could eat like a linebacker and maintain my weight. Now... ugh. And the other part of me? The part that is tired? Does. Not. Care. At all. We have to nurture that part a lot. It's needy and fussy.

I'm already thinking about my training plan for the 10 miler... and a new routine in the weight room... Hmmm...

It's all in your head

I went to the gym every day this past week except Friday! Admittedly, I didn't do much, but I was there! In the weight room! It's a good thing I didn't do anything crazy my first day back in the weight room like WEIGHTED WALKING LUNGES, cause then I'd really be sore.... of course that's what I did. Cause I'm all over it, I'm hard core! I...? Am invincible! Not to be confused with invisible... I only did two sets of 10 with the 20# db's. I was thinking, I'll just do something easy and see how I feel. The next day I could hardly sit down! You know the feeling. It was like the first time I ever lifted weights. I have lost some strength, but it's not too disappointing. It seemed like I could handle the same load, but not the same volume. Whereas before I would do several different compound exercises plus a bit of isolation work on bi's & tri's, etc., this week I was just doing one exercise, and that made me sore.

My plan is to try running today! I prefer to run outside, but I'm not sure about that. First, it's 21 degrees outside! And second, it seems safer to try it on the Dreadmill for the first time, just in case ... I don't want to get out there and not be able to complete the run and be stuck, sweating and cold a couple miles from home.

My recovery is going well, but I'm starting to feel the effects of not having a thyroid. My body is definitely out of whack. I think it knows that it was violated and is now lacking a CRITICAL gland. It's pissed, I think. The first few days I was taking the Cytomel, I felt fine. Great, in fact. But I think my own levels of thyroid hormone have dropped off now and I'm relying on the cytomel. It's temporary and short acting, and I can really feel it when it's time for another dose. The things that seem to make my symptoms worse are calcium supplements, too much dairy at one time (probably the calcium content), sugar, soy, and stress. I get tired, cranky, headache, can't think, focus, concentrate, and it's really hard to do tasks I've done a thousand times before. At work, I have to really think, ok, what do I need to do with this, what is this, or what is this person asking? It's scary. And depressing. I have mood swings where I just get completely overwhelmed and sad. I have to deal with this for the REST OF MY LIFE. And right now, it seems like I might never feel normal again. I am really trying to maintain a positive attitude. I believe that is so important, both in terms of health, and in life in general.

While I was recovering last week, I read Spontaneous Healing by Dr. Andrew Weil. He has some interesting ideas about how the body is able to heal itself, even from terminal illnesses in some cases. He talks about cases of spontaneous remission of all kinds of diseases and afflictions, including cancer. He also goes over different things you can do to increase your body's ability to heal itself. I already do many of the things he recommends. Although, he recommends people eat almost no protein (yeah, ahem... not this girl!) because it is harder for your body to digest and process and your goal is to free your body's systems for healing rather than filtering out all the toxins we put into ourselves. So obviously, organic foods, nothing processed or artificial, no sugars or dairy. He recommends various herbal supplements, meditation, visualization, and relaxation. And he also goes into how critical a role the mind plays in health and wellness.

Dr. Weil discusses his disillusionment with the traditional medical model and its pervasive pessimism and complete disregard for mind-body or wellness approaches. He thinks this indifference toward mind-body interactions is peculiar to American society. In many other countries, especially in the East, doctors are more inclined to view illnesses of all kinds as having a psychosomatic component. Belief in healing power can be a key to success. There is ample evidence of the placebo effect in medical research, and plenty of anecdotal evidence of belief in healing having powerful effects. I admit, that's one of the biggest reasons I chose the surgeon I did. She was the only one of the three I met who looked me in the eye and said, "We're gonna cure you." And believed it herself. Neither of the other two would even say, "You're going to be ok, we're going to take care of you and make you better."

Another correllation between mind and healing is total acceptance of self and one's illness. Dr. Weil says, "Most people do not go through life in an accepting mode. Instead they are in a state of perpetual confrontation, trying by the imposition of will to shape events and control situations... such an attitude is directly opposed to the way of life, and those who cling to it are doomed. Acceptance, submission, surrender are a mental shift that may be the master key that unlocks healing."

I've encountered the idea of the importance of the mind in shaping one's experience of life in other areas, notably in achieving goals. I started to get interested in the idea from reading fitness authors like Tom Venuto, and motivational writers like Tony Robbins and Steven Covey.

"The ancestor of every action is a thought." Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Man is what he believes." Anton Chekhov

"They can because they think they can." Virgil

In the world of fitness, the mind is recognized as a critical element in achieving goals - visualization, will, and belief are all necessary to running farther or faster, lifting more, losing fat, etc. I think the same is true of health, wellness and healing. Not that I'm saying you can just think yourself well, but as Tom Venuto says:

"If you are getting more of the same negative results in your life - such as the same health problems, or the same body fat continues to return even after you lose it, then you have probably been un-consciously running old negative programs and re-inforcing them with negative thought patterns.

Guess what? You're already using this force every day because you cannot turn it off. Whatever you are thinking and picturing in your mind repeatedly on a daily basis is already on it's way to you, so it's simply a matter of HOW you are using it, not IF you are using it.

What do you say to yourself every day? Do you say, "I am becoming leaner, healthier and more muscular every day?"... or do you say "I am a fat person - Ive tried everything, nothing ever works?"

The fact is - you can think yourself thin and healthy or you can think yourself obese and ill. Maybe not in the literal sense...but most certainly as the critical part in the chain of causation..."

Maintaining a positive attitude when dealing with something like cancer is a real challenge. I still haven't forgiven my cancer yet. It is still a thief. I am working on the acceptance thing, and taking each day as it comes - trying not to get overwhelmed. I think once I get past the radioactive iodine treatment and I get on my regular thyroid medication, it will get easier.

"In order to discover new lands, one must be willing to lose sight of the shore for a very long time."
Anonymous

Exercise and Thyroid Cancer

First, I added the pictures from yesterday, so scroll down and check them out (not for the faint of heart)!

When I first started this blog, I didn't intend for it to be a blog about thyroid cancer. I wanted to blog about fitness and health and life in general because I love reading other fitness related blogs (some of which are linked on the left) and I found the idea inspiring. Since my diagnosis, I've blogged about my cancer experience, and I plan to write more about it in the future... as well as more about health and fitness! (It's NOT all about the cancer!!) I hope that someone out there going through thyroid cancer will find their way here and that my experience and the links I put up for thyroid resources will help. If you don't know anything about thyroid cancer, you can go here to satisfy an initial curiosity. You can also go here and get a badge for your website to show your support for cancer research.

For me, talking with other survivors helps immensely in dealing with all of the emotions and questions. I found a couple of women who blog about health, fitness and thyroid cancer, (if there are any others out there, please email me and I'll add your link!!) and I even got to speak with one of them before my surgery. Danniela Nichols - IronSunshine - is an amazing Ironman triathlete and thyroid cancer survivor. You can read about her competing in IM Wisconsin last year here, and watch a video interview here. I emailed her and she called me and spoke with me about her experience. It really helps to talk to someone who knows what you're going through, especially if they have the same lifestyle you do. The fact that she is an athlete dealing with thyroid cancer is an inspiration to me, as anyone who's been reading here knows I've been terrified about what having cancer and no thyroid means for my fitness lifestyle.

Danniela told me that I would probably need to start monitoring my heart rate because the thyroid replacement hormone can make your heart rate speed up really fast when you're exercising. I'm not sure if I'm still in the throes of recovery, or if that effect is already taking place for me, but when I was on the step machine at the gym yesterday, my heart rate skyrocketed! I was feeling pretty good, going at a moderate intensity. Not quite what I would have done before, but not real easy either. So I started jacking up the intensity a bit, and my heart rate went up pretty high for me, and stayed up! I had to get off the machine to get it to come back down to a comfortable level. Soooo... I guess a heart rate monitor will be on my Christmas list for those HIIT sessions!

The cardio was good though. I'm still pretty sore in my neck, and I can't quite move my head around freely yet, but I'm going back for some more today! The only problem is that my energy did NOT last the day yesterday. I was done at about 4. So I need to keep the intensity really low this week if I'm going to make it through my work days! I usually work pretty long hours because of the nature of my job, but I'm going to have some projects that are not time-sensitive so I will be able to leave when I want to this week. But I'm hoping to make it to 5 at least!!! And I've got to walk a mile or two (depending) during the day in my commute and at work. I didn't try the weight circuit yesterday, but I'm going to give it a shot today, plus 30 mins of cardio again (no heart rate pegging!).

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, it's true."