Tuesday, December 29, 2009
I can't believe I have only 18 weeks left in this pregnancy... it sounds like such an impossibly short amount of time and I feel myself starting to hyperventilate about all the STUFFFFF! that we NEEEEEED! before we have a BABBY!!!! We can't have a baby yet, I'm not READDDYYYY! We don't even have a crib to stash her in! AAAAAAH!
Ok Mommy Friends... what are the items you found most necessary/useful that you wished people had given you before the baby was born or you found out you needed later on? I already have a list about 3 pages long, but I'm sure I'm overlooking some critical item that makes the heavens open and the light shine down during those early delirious days with a newborn.
This first picture is of her going to suck on her fingers.... it's TEH CUTE! Haha.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
At least we got lunch before the car died on the side of the road. Also photographic evidence of Santa's existence.
Mom and I took one look at the cab and started cracking up because - seriously? we have to ride in THAT? Hahaha. The guys were still loading the car on the back and Mom and I were taking photos with her iPhone of the cab and laughing our heads off. Poor Mom and Dad were all scrunched up in the back seat and all of us went bouncing down the road all the way back to Kaneohe.
First things first, though, we had to make monkey bread! It's a New family tradition to have monkey bread on Christmas morning. This year's turned out especially good, thanks to the lake of butter we cooked it in. I used this recipe. YUMMM! It didn't last very long. There was just a little chunk left that we ate this morning.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
We got to see her suck on her fingers - it was really cute. Everything looked good and normal still. She is still measuring small, though. Last time she was about 6 days behind and this time she was about 10 days behind. Which - broken record - THEY HAVE MY DUE DATE WRONG!!! I am even more convinced now that I ovulated on about day 24 of my cycle instead of day 17 like I originally thought. And they calculated my due date based on a day 14 ovulation. So all that means is I'm probably only 20 weeks instead of 21, and that the baby is NOT measuring small, she's measuring just perfectly normal. I'll post some new ultrasound pics as soon as Adam gets them scanned!
That is ALL BABY. It has nothing to do with those cookies. Shut up.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
It's nice to get away from the cold and sweaters that don't fit me. And every place being super overheated. Koreans think the heat is good for you so they keep everything really warm. I was hot the whole time we were inside anywhere.
We defintely, DEFINITELY are happy to get back to American food. Korean food is terrible. I am not even exaggerating. We only ate it a couple of times and then sought out non-Korean restaurants. Everything cooking smells bad... like boiling gym socks and rotten veggies. The two meals I ate Korean were served to us by our ROK hosts for the conference I attended. I had bulgogi and bim bim bap.
Ah, bim bim bap. I didn't starve the day they served us this because it came with some beef side dish and a fried shrimp that were pretty good. Every Korean meal comes with dozens of little side dishes of rotting vegetables and other curiosities that everyone just eats out of communally (eh, not me). Yes, that's an uncooked egg yolk sitting there. You are supposed to scoop a whole big pile of rice in that bowl and mix it all up. Yeuk.
Bulgogi smells terrible. The beef itself wasn't actually too bad, but everything served with it was not good. Halfway through our meal a waitress came by our table where a little cauldron of the stuff was simmering over a burner and poured in more broth, which looked like dirty laundry water. I was done eating at that point.
I have more pictures of the food, when I post our pics you will see. Half the time we were just like... what IS that?
We were happy to escape the horrible pollution. Hawaii's air is so clean compared to most places because the trade winds blow any pollution right out to sea. Seoul was so polluted you couldn't see buildings that were two football fields away on a bad day. As soon as we got into the outskirts of the city there was this acrid stench that actually burned my throat. Going along with that are the many other smells that Korea is famous for. Before I went several people told me that the whole city smells funny. I can assure you it is true. I think it's mainly kimchee? But also sewage, pollution, fish, boiling gym socks, etc.
I was not pleased to see that while we were away, the bugs and geckos were getting quite comfortable in our house. I can tell this because I found many poops and this grainy dirt that the geckos and bugs leave behind on the counters. There were three poops smeared on the bathroom counter and one ON THE TOILET PAPER ROLL. Smeared on there.
I'm in ur bafroom, poopin on ur toilet papers.
One poor gecko found his way into the kitchen sink and we finally figured out that he could not get out of there. Adam kept trying to catch him but he kept running into the drain and hiding out. Then one day he was sitting on our soap wand and didn't move at all... Adam says he had given up on life. He didn't try to get away when Adam got him out and put him in the little patch of ground cover in our front yard we call the Lizard Kingdom because so many of the buggers live in there. He's lucky he didn't get snarled up in the disposal.
And the bugs! The first night we were back, I got up to pee in the middle of the night, like I usually do these days now that my bladder can apparently only contain a tablespoon of liquid, and I was sitting there in the dark when I felt this PLOP on my head. MY HEAD! I about jumped through the ceiling, probably sprayed pee on myself, and started pawing at myself to get the thing off. I turned on the light to discover it was a giant cockroach. I didn't have anything to kill it with so I sprayed it with 409 and found it dead on the stairs the next morning.
And work. Work, work, work. I was not really happy to come back to work. Things are really busy right now for some reason. Almost a whole year goes by with me complaining that I'm too bored at work and now that I'm pregnant, suddenly it's like a firehose.
Still, we are glad to be home! It's Christmas time! My mom is coming in, and my dad will be here next week. Plus only a few more days until our next ultrasound and we get to see the little butter bean again!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Yesterday we did our tour of the DMZ and it was fascinating. We took lots of pictures and even shot some video footage with our camera. It's funny that the first thing we recorded was North Korea.
Today we are going to go to some markets to check out the shopping, and then see the Korean War Memorial Museum. I think tomorrow we plan on visiting some palaces and a historic village.
It has not been as cold as we expected. Which is good. Even still, the sweaters I brought to wear that were acceptable a week ago are not cute anymore. They don't cover my whole belly... Every morning when I look at myself in the mirror all I can think is fat guy in a little coat.
I feel like we have been here forever! Still a few more days to go till we are home again. I will be happy to sleep in my own bed. It should go much faster now that I am not stuck in meetings all the live long day. Adam's out of the shower so now it's time for breakfast!
Saturday, December 05, 2009
We dragged out all the Christmas boxes and assembled the awesome fake tree we acquired last year in a Black Friday deal for only $100. Pre-lit!
I unwrapped all the ornaments while Adam hung them on the tree. We don't have a ton of ornaments... just the ones my mom bought and saved for me while I was growing up. It's enough for now!
Mom and Dad will be here in just a couple weeks for the holidays!
Meanwhile we are getting ready to go to Korea tomorrow. Ugh! Packing. I hate packing. And laundry. It's especially rotten when I have to pack up a bunch of sweaters that don't particularly fit me. Bah.
It's because of this. 18 weeks! Um, or 17 possibly (probably). Either way it barely fits in my sweaters! I took this on Monday... it's almost time to take the next picture.
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
We have another ultrasound December 22 to follow up. I originally had it scheduled on the 15th, but the tech said I should come in a week later since it looks like the baby is a week smaller. Which just makes me wonder more... why don't they just recalculate the test?! Anyway, moving on!!
The other night Adam and I were getting in to bed and when he turned the lights out, it looked so bright in our room even though we had all the drapes drawn. I was like, what IS that? Is that the MOON? And Adam peeked out the window and said, Oh, Good Lord... those are the neighbor's CHRISTMAS lights. Seriously we felt like the neighbors of the Griswolds on Chevy Chase's Christmas when they got blinded by Sparky's Christmas light spectacle. Good grief.
Adam and I finally got to watch Food, Inc. It's been on backorder through Netflix for MONTHS. Maybe almost a year now we have been waiting for it to deliver.
We, of course, had already had our shackles raised after reading or watching the likes of King Corn, Fat Head, The Omnivore's Dilemma and Good Calories, Bad Calories. This movie would be a nice introduction, or just a complement to the other resources, if you've seen/read one or more of them.
I defintely spent about 1/3 of the movie with my eyes closed. There are some very graphic and disturbing images of feedlots and slaughterhouses that I just didn't want to internalize. I am aware the situation is not that great; I don't need to have the images seared into my brain for all eternity. If you can get past those scenes, the rest of the movie is really interesting and eye-opening.
The three things that really stuck out in my mind were first, that there seemed to be so much secrecy around food production companies. Like the meat-raisers wouldn't let the crew film inside the feedlots or chicken coops, and declined to comment for the film. Why shouldn't we be allowed to see and scrutinize where our food is coming from? Right shouldn't fear light. That's messed up.
Second, that so many of the world's problems seem to have a nexus in U.S. food policies. For example, U.S. subsidies of corn and soybeans put farmers out of work in developing countries and increase social and political strife. This is happening in Mexico - as a result of NAFTA, Mexico was flooded with cheap grain products from the U.S., putting many Mexicans out of work, and contributing in no small way to illegal immigration and crime problems. If you consider the healthcare debate, you could make a strong argument that if people were not eating so much cheap processed crap (with corn and soybean by-products at their heart) there would be a lot fewer health problems and a lot less cost for healthcare. Two of the three major health problems in the U.S. are largely preventable or mitigated through diet - heart disease and diabetes. It is possible to make candy and cookies that don't have that crap in it. Go look at the ingredients in the gourmet German candy and cookies in your grocery store and compare it to Oreo's or M&M's.
And third, that the U.S. government seems to be very complicit in perpetuating and even exacerbating the problem. A shocking number of big food company former employees and even CEO's are now running the FDA and other regulatory bodies meant to protect consumers. Of course business is business and the bottom line will always rule in that context, but the government has a responsibility to regulate their operations in order to protect people. This is one area where I am definitely pro-government intervention; I'm usually more of a laissez-faire type. For example, because of complicated regulatory loopholes, it's virtually impossible to shut down a food company for having multiple food safety violations (like e. coli).
Where we are going as a country on the issue of food production, manufacture, sale, etc is disturbing. The film ends with a list of things you can do to change the situation. You vote with your dollars, and if you are unsettled by what is going on, you can buy from companies that treat animals and their employees ethically, support organic and local agriculture, and eschew frankenfood ingredients like corn and soy byproducts.
Phew. The air is getting thin up here on this soapbox, I think I'll step off now. Watch the film and see for yourself!
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Note the caption on the photo - IT'S A GIRL!!!!! ---->
No question about it, that baby in there is of the Princess variety (just like her mama teehee). Poor Adam is already worrying about protecting her from TEH BOYZ. Haha.
Can you blame him?! Look at her wee little elf nose!
So, I debated about blogging this, but... well, the rest of my life is pretty much broadcast to the internet on this blog anyway so what the heck. At my 16 week appointment, I was offered a Quad Test. Basically it's a blood test that measures 4 proteins in mom's blood and indicates possible risk for certain abnormalities like spina bifida, Down's syndrome and Trisomy 18. The midwife explained to me that the test could be skewed just by having the wrong due date. I consented to the test, even though I KNOW they have the wrong due date for me. I did tell her at the time that I was positive they have the wrong due date because I didn't ovulate on day 14 like they use to calculate my due date. She just shrugged like lalalala - like all the other nurses and doctors I have told this to - just a pat on the hand and a knowing smile as if to say, "of course, dear, you think you know, but don't question the system..." And I just shrugged because I guess I assume too much about medical professionals.
I was not all that surprised when I got a phone call yesterday telling me that my results came back showing increased risk (relative to our age group) for Down's syndrome (although negative for the other abnormalities they screen for). The nurse told me that based on the test, the risk was 1/186 that our baby will have Down's. If the test is anything greater than 1/270 you get a positive result. I guess that's because it outweighs the risk of miscarriage from an amnio at that point... it's pretty much arbitrary. Even at 1/186, that's only about a 0.5% chance our baby will have Down's - not very high odds at all, but still higher than women my age in general.
Naturally we were very concerned and we were glad they could get us in the next day (today) for a detailed ultrasound to look at the baby's physical characteristics and get a better idea of the due date. If the baby has the physical characteristics common in Down's syndrome (like missing pinkie and nose bones, short leg bones, heart problems or enlarged kidneys), then we could opt to have an amniocentesis, which is more definitive because it looks at baby's chromosomes. However, the amnio has a risk of miscarriage. We talked about it and pretty much decided before we even went in for the ultrasound that we were not going to do the amnio in any case because we don't want to risk losing the baby either way - we are going to love this baby no matter what.
Of course I spent the afternoon consulting Dr. Google about the quad test and abnormal results and found literally hundreds of message board postings about women who had positive quad test results and healthy babies. That test has a very high false positive rate. In my opinion, any test that can be skewed with a matter of a few days (out of a 9 month pregnancy) is not that reliable. In retrospect, I was kind of wishing I hadn't consented to the test because it seemed most likely that it would cause a lot of unnecessary worry and heartache and everything would be fine with the baby.
So we went in for our ultrasound today. The technician was amazing! She was really interactive and talked the entire time, pointing things out to us and telling us what she was seeing. We got to spend almost an hour staring at our beautiful baby on the monitor! She was so active - kicking and squirming. Adam started calling her the Party Princess. She was practically doing somersaults in there. It was so cute and amazing. We could see her little heart beating and all the bones in her spinal cord and ribcage. We could see 10 tiny toes and 10 tiny fingers.
Basically she looked like the most perfect being ever to be conceived (of course- haha)! Everything looked very normal and nice. She had NONE of the physical characteristics of Down's - all the bones and organs were in place and looked right - the brain, the kidneys, the heart. Everything looked good. We were so relieved.
Yawning. So cute! She is bored of all this talk of Down syndrome.
The baby looked small-ish; she said about a week behind size-wise, but the actual measurements weren't enough to change my due date and therefore the quad results calculation would remain the same. The measurements were still several days off from the due date they originally calculated for me. By my calculation, based on when I ovulated, I am 18 weeks and 1 day. Which she said would be enough to recalculate the quad assessment. But since the computer didn't match that, she couldn't change it. And like I was telling you all before, I could have ovulated a week after that! (My temp shifted again and I thought it was the egg implanting, but it could have been ovulation). In fact, the latter scenario would make sense because the baby seems to be measuring about a week smaller, and when we took the HPT, it was very faint, which would have only been about 9 days after ovulation in that case - really early to detect a pregnancy. I even got a negative pregnancy test when I went in to the clinic! They had to do a blood test to confirm. Either way, THEY HAVE MY DUE DATE WRONG WHY WON'T ANYONE LISTEN TO ME??!!!! Whew.
The doctor spoke to us afterwards and told us that the baby had a small spot of calcification in her heart, which they see in normal babies every day. Alone it means absolutely nothing. However, if you are considered "increased risk" then some people think it might be a "soft indicator" of Down syndrome. If you believe those people, it could raise our risk to 1/93 - still only about a 1% chance, if you believe that calculation. The doctor did say that sometimes babies look normal on the ultrasound and are still born with Down's syndrome (the only way to know for sure before the birth is to do an amnio). Conversely, sometimes people get negative quad results and the baby is born with an abnormality. The thing is, even if your risk is 1/10,000, you could still be that one.
We are still a little concerned, of course, but after seeing how perfect she looked, and considering all the ovulation/due date snafu, we are not worried too much. All things considered, I think she is going to be born healthy and most likely ACTIVE!
Front view of her face.
Pointing. Or #1!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
I can't believe it's been a year since my folks were out for Thanksgiving last year. At that time, I had barely started my new job, we had just moved into this house, we weren't married yet and I was wearing a size 6. While it kind of feels like I didn't accomplish much this year, since I did spend large parts of it doing little more than working and watching tv, it's actually been a year full of just about every early adulthood milestone you could cram in. I moved across the globe, quit one job and started a new one, planned a wedding and honeymoon, got married, went on that honeymoon, and got pregnant. That's a lot.
One of the big milestones was shopping for furniture last year with Adam on Black Friday. We bought a U-haul worth of furniture and other stuff for the house and got great deals at all the sales. This year we were hoping to have the same luck buying baby stuff. We got up at 5 to head out, but we were disappointed to find that nothing was really on sale. We did buy a Pack n' Play - our first baby purchase! We also got a digital camcorder and I got a new computer since mine is on the fritz. Other than that, we just shopped around comparing prices and merchandise.
Yesterday we went to see Hawaii play Navy at the Aloha Stadium. Navy played a pathetic game and completely got spanked by Hawaii, and Hawaii doesn't even have a great record! We met up with Adam's squadron to tailgate before the game. One of the girls is pregnant and she was HUGE for being only 6 months. She said they are already talking about inducing her because her baby is growing so fast. Her ankles were so swollen they looked like balloons. I was horrified! I am really scared that is going to happen to me! I am nowhere near as big as her, but I still have 6 weeks to go till I'm as far along and who knows what will happen between now and then.
My belly is definitely growing. I'm enjoying feeling the baby kicking all the time now! Adam hasn't been able to feel it yet, but I think it's only a matter of him having his hand on my belly when the baby kicks, which is hard to time. I'm feeling much better too. I still have bouts of nausea or exhaustion or headaches now and then, but most of the time I'm feeling pretty good. Yay second trimester. Even my cravings have calmed down and I'm eating salads and meat again. However, I still worry about my weight gain!
We are packing to go to Korea, which is a pain because we have to drag all of our winter gear out of the boxes in the closets. I've gained enough weight since we moved here and with the baby that my winter coat really doesn't fit me anymore. I mean, I can put it on, but it's tight across the shoulders and barely buttons in the front across my boobs and belly. Trying on my sweaters was depressing. Some of those were so baggy on me just last year that I hardly ever wore them and now they just fit! Uuuuughhhhh!
In fact, I think I am going to wear one of Adam's coats since I still have a week to go before we leave and we'll be there for a week - I'm guessing MY coat would be pretty tight by that point. And I'm such a baby about the cold that I can't risk not having a warm enough coat. I can't believe we are going to Korea. I can't believe it's December again. I can't believe my coat and half my sweaters don't fit anymore! I'm just looking ahead to what changes next year will bring....
Monday, November 23, 2009
He brought back a box from Afghanistan, but it wasn't presents for me. No. It was protein powder. He brought another case of (free) protein powder home with him.
He has brought home cases of protein powder before. It makes him really happy. Just look at his face! It's something of a sickness for him, needing all this protein powder around.
I am so glad he's home. What could be better than the sight of this in the kitchen when I come downstairs every morning?!
17 Weeks. And I still do not look justifiably pregnant, despite the growing size of that belly!
Friday, November 20, 2009
By: Dr. Paul Hsieh OpEd Contributor
November 16, 2009
Suppose the mafia came to your town and forced everyone to purchase all their meals at mob-approved restaurants. The mafia would also select the menu items.
If you liked broccoli but their vegetable choice was spinach, then tough luck. Everyone would also have to purchase dessert, whether they wanted it or not. And if some customers couldn't afford the high-priced meals, the mafia would force you to "contribute" to cover their bills.
Most Americans would be outraged at such violations of their basic rights. But this is precisely what the president and Congress want to do with health insurance.
Read the rest right here. (It's very interesting as it discusses the state of health care in Massachusettes, where residents are required to purchase health insurance... *hint* - the plan is failing miserably, costs are skyrocketing, and it's becoming harder to get care, not easier.)
The good news is that Adam is coming home today! YAY. I'm going to pick him up at 4 from the hangar. I can't wait! Poor guy has been traveling since MONDAY! I can't imagine. I would die. Like literally, just fall down dead.
I'm definitely feeling the baby move every day now. Not all the time, but every so often during the day. I've really had some growing pains in my stomach this week too! I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or girl so I can start buying twee little clothes!
Anyone else going to see New Moon this weekend?! I'm excited. I will probably drag Adam to see it with me. He actually liked the first movie - afterwards he was like I want to be one of those vampires :) haha ME TOO.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
And really I want to let go of this feeling because it eats me up inside. Sometimes I am just seething for hours about it. But I don't know how. I don't know how to not hate this person, unless I avoid them entirely which is impossible. I have plenty of good reasons which I'm sure you would all agree warrant my emotions. And yet, I also feel bad that I feel that way.
Have you ever hated a person? What did you do?
Work is driving me freaking nuts.
That is all.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Tomorrow is my four month appointment! I'm so excited to hear the baby's heartbeat again. And also worried that everything is ok. All I have to say is there better be a baby kicking away in there or I am getting fat for nothing. Ha. No ultrasounds this time, just the doppler.
And another pap smear (TMI). Because who doesn't want to get their hoohoo cranked open by a stranger twice in one month what the hell?! No seriously, it's because last time I went in they "didn't get enough cells" on the culture.
I really think I felt the baby move a couple of times yesterday and today! Last night I was laying in bed and I felt all this thumping around right by my bladder. Honestly it felt sort of like gas bubbles, but also not, and it kept happening in the same spot. And then I felt all this pressure off on one side, like the baby was all squished up in a corner. Wheee! Then I felt another thump today. I don't know if it was really the baby or not, but it was like nothing I've ever felt before. Like a muscle twitch, kind of, on the inside.
Gah, work. GAHGAHGAH.
Monday, November 16, 2009
The other day I was on my way home from work and I saw a rainbow. It was the third one I saw that day! And I thought, you know, there are some really great things about living here. I should blog about that so that everyone doesn't think I'm just a complaining uptight bitch who will never be happy. Of course, just then I hit a traffic jam and I was like, oh, right. This. And suddenly I couldn't remember any more reasons I like living here.
There is a traffic jam about once a month on my route home - not normal traffic, but some random jam because Hawaii accident responders can't seem to keep traffic moving while taking care of business. They will just up and close the entire road if they feel like it and you have to turn around and find another way home. On that particular day, it was because the overzealous foliage on the mountainside by the road spit up an errant tree which was blocking one entire lane of traffic. A tree! Just fell off the hillside into the road.
Anyway, here is the list:
- I see rainbows pretty much every single day.
- I see the ocean every single day.
- I have a view of the ocean from my office window.
- I see the beautiful mountains every day.
- Flowers bloom year round.
- My job is not hard, and it's not stressful most of the time.
- I have time to work out in the middle of my workday.
- I can usually leave the office by 4:00 - earlier if it's an aloha Friday.
That's all I came up with before I started seething with irritation.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
They gave me the regular shot too, in the other arm. The swine flu one didn't hurt at all. The regular one hurt and my arm got really sore a couple hours later and has not stop bothering me! It kept waking me up all night long whenever I would roll over onto it. Bah. Normally I never get a flu shot and I never get the flu. I would not get one this year either except for being preggers and the pigflu situation. Now I feel all smug and responsible.
It feels like the weekend, even though I only worked 2 days so far. Ah the perks of working a federal job - you get all the federal holidays off. It's been a wonderful, cool, breezy, alternately rainy/sunny day. It is 4:30 and I am still in my pajamas. I am sad I have to go back to work tomorrow. That is all the news that's fit to print.
Monday, November 09, 2009
And worst of all!
Today when I got home, I found THIS waiting for me cheerfully on the carpet:
I cannot be expected to touch that thing, even through 52,769 layers of toilet paper. No. I will not. But it can't just STAY THERE!!! For like 10 more days what am I going to DOOOOOO!!! So you need to COME THE HELL HOME! Now!
Ewwwwwwwww. Ew. No seriously ew.
I suppose I should be happy that it helpfully keeled over all on its very own without me having to jump up on the couch and spray Raid all over the living room.
So. Let's talk about the pig flu. I'm a'skeered y'all. People all around are dropping like flies and every door handle and elevator button looks like a petri dish crawling with germs to me and OMG WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIEEEEEE!!!! I happened to hear on the radio on Friday an announcement that the vaccine is available in Hawaii now, so I decided to call today and find out how to get me some. But it's too LATE!
No sooner had I hung up the phone when my boss came in and said he would be out tomorrow because his daughter has the flu and he is going to take her to the doctor. AND? One of the Generals went home at lunchtime with flu symptoms! This was right after he held a Directorate-wide meeting this morning that pretty much EVERYONE attended! So the flu has landed at PACOM, and it's probably too late for me to get vaccinated, because as I discovered, it takes like 2 weeks to become immune once you get the damn shot.
I can do nothing but wring my hands and pray that I will not be felled in my delicate status.
All this swine flu hyperventilating actually led to a conversation with my coworker about poop. Hehe POOP.
He told me he was in that meeting and probably got exposed to the pig flu and I was like, but you washed your hands, right, since then? And he gave me a "look" and I was like, WHAT? YOU DID NOT WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER GOING TO THE BATHROOM??? And he told me he had not been to the bathroom all day, since he left home in fact (this was at 4 pm). I fell on the floor and died of shock.
This eventually led him to admit to me that once? He did not poop for TWO WEEKS.
Me: Wow. Wasn't that... uncomfortable? Were you not... concerned??
Him: Well, yeah, I did start to get worried, actually. But MAN! When I finally went? It was like a LOG.
Me: AAAAAAHHHHHHHRRRHHHHZHAHHHH. TMI! TMI!!
Him: I mean! That thing was like... having a BABY or something!! A LOG!
Me: NOOOOO. I do not want to hear any more about this pooping!
Him: Seriously, like, I should have been DILATED for that log of poo.
Me: Dude. STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR LOGPOOP! (Log O' Poop? Pooplog?) Am scarred.
In reality, I love to talk about poop, and I do so whenever I have the chance. It's one of my favorite subjects, and Adam will attest to this. Eating apricots? POOP! Tummy hurts? POOP! Gecko? POOP! That's the thing about Geckos. They eat all the spiders, but they poop on EVERYTHING! They pooped on our couch! AND on the projector inside our TV! They somehow manage to poop ON THE WALLS! It stays there, stuck. A poopsmear on the wall. How do they do that? They have magical pooping abilities.
Teh belleh continues its outward expansion.
Pretty soon I will have my own gravitational pull.
Just in case y'all thought I might be making this stuff up, behold exhibit A. Below is my pre-pregnancy bra, 34C. Above? Yeah. That happened like literally overnight. Like I peed on that stick and WHOOPS! 36DD. To my childless friends: you have been warned.