Avery stops nursing and breaks her latch to smile up at me, her eyes shining. She waves her foot in the air, inviting me to play our game, and I oblige by pretending I'm not going to kiss her foot, then capturing it and showering it with kisses all over. "I'm going to kiss ALL of your toes!" I tell her. "Muah, muah, muah, muah, muah!" And she giggles into my breast. Satisfied, she turns her body towards me so we are tummy to tummy and continues nursing. A memory of her newborn days bubbles up and I reminisce about nursing her in bed in the early morning, her arms pinned to her sides in her swaddle and her tummy pressed against mine, surrounded by a nest of sheets and pillows. I remember thinking, I want to remember this always. The way this feels. But already I kind of forget. Laying there, her whole body used to fit above the bend of my legs. Could she really have been so tiny? It seems impossible now, holding this big baby, her legs stretched out over the arm of the chair. She is the same to me from day to day, and yet, she has changed so much.
Someday she will be grown, I think to myself, and suddenly a wave of sadness passes over me. I miss her already. I stroke her hair and her dimpled arms and her butterball legs. She reaches up a chubby hand and pats my face, then stops nursing to say, "Mmm-mah!" She resumes nursing matter-of-factly.
I am wearing the carpet thin, walking circles in the dark carrying Avery, waiting for her to be asleep enough to lay down. I'm humming, but my mind is churning. I think of Adam downstairs watching tv and feel jealous and resentful. My back aches. My right arm is numb. Why am I doing this? How much longer till I can go have my tea? How much longer till she outgrows this? Avery stirs in her almost-sleep and turns her face towards me on my shoulder. In the light from the hallway I can see the pale moon of her baby cheek, the fringe of her eyelashes, and the soft pout of her lips, her bottom lip is sucked in slightly making the shape of an upside down heart. Suddenly I am overwhelmed by the urge to kiss her sweet face, to nuzzle her neck and smell her head.
I stop myself - she is almost asleep and I don't want to wake her. Adam. Tea.
I try to memorize the weight of her in my arms and the mold of her body against my torso.
I think I can lay her down now. As I shift her weight, she stirs again and wraps her little arms around my neck. I hesitate. She doesn't want me to leave her. I could stay, I could sit with her in the rocking chair and hold her while she is sleeping, listen to her breathing. Instead I lay her down and she stays asleep. My wistfulness is replaced by a triumphant feeling. Success! I am free for the moment to join Adam downstairs.
Later, he and I climb in our bed together and turn out the lights. I lay awake in the dark thinking of her. Is she ok? Is she safe? Is she warm enough? I think I cannot sleep, but when I hear her sharp cry on the monitor, I am jolted from a dream. Secretly I am happy that I can go gather her up and snuggle her down next to me in bed. I think, someday she will sleep on her own all night. And I miss her again, though she is right there. I am curled around her protectively. She nurses and starts to fall asleep so I unlatch her. She rolls over and puts her diapered bottom against my tummy. My heart is full.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Colds, naps, playgroup
Possibly the greatest injustice of motherhood is that when everyone else gets sick, you take care of them, and when you get sick? You still take care of them. That's my round-a-bout way of telling you that we're all getting over colds, thanks to Adam who brought home the latest bug. He works in a windowless office (literally) and doesn't get enough vitamin D, so you can't be too surprised. This was
Avery's first time getting a cold though. Even though I've been sick SIX times now since October (!!!) she never got even so much as a sniffle (yay breastfeeding!), but I guess that couldn't last forever. She had that fever thing a few months ago, but that was her only symptom. I'm not sure if I prefer the fever or the cold! The fever was kind of scary, what with the limp and listless baby and all, but the runny nose and inability to breathe is annoying!
Anyway, so, sick husband all weekend, sick baby starting Monday, sick me starting Tuesday. Happily it wasn't a bad cold at all and I was mostly functional throughout. Cause like I said, no one took care of me (boo hoo). Speaking of colds, though, I have to tell you all about this awesome iPhone app I discovered (or Droid if that's your poison). It's called LactMed and you can look up any drug and whether it's safe for breastfeeding.
Avery has started to branch out socially. Our next door neighbor has a three year old and if she sees him outside playing she wants to go over and join in. So we met our neighbors, yay! Anyway, she told me about a playgroup the YMCA holds so we went to check it out on Thursday. I was a little squicked out by the state and general stickiness of all the toys, but Avery thought it was great fun and careened around playing with everything for about five seconds each.
The only way we were able to go is because I was trying to solve our sleep problems by forcing Avery down to one nap. With her napping around ten every morning, we haven't been able to go to any playgroups or meet ups. And I spend too much time fighting to get her to sleep three times a day (two naps and night). But it didn't seem to have much positive effect. She was more tired and easier to get down, but slept even less than before, so I think we are back to two naps for now, and I'm back to spending several hours walking the child around until she falls asleep every day.
Sorry this is so disjointed. Adam and I are trying to watch True Grit in 20-30 minute intervals while Avery takes her catnaps, and it's on in the background right now so I've mostly lost any unifying thread in this post. I have several posts floating around in my head, including one on co-sleeping and one on vaccinating - why we are not.
Avery's first time getting a cold though. Even though I've been sick SIX times now since October (!!!) she never got even so much as a sniffle (yay breastfeeding!), but I guess that couldn't last forever. She had that fever thing a few months ago, but that was her only symptom. I'm not sure if I prefer the fever or the cold! The fever was kind of scary, what with the limp and listless baby and all, but the runny nose and inability to breathe is annoying!
Anyway, so, sick husband all weekend, sick baby starting Monday, sick me starting Tuesday. Happily it wasn't a bad cold at all and I was mostly functional throughout. Cause like I said, no one took care of me (boo hoo). Speaking of colds, though, I have to tell you all about this awesome iPhone app I discovered (or Droid if that's your poison). It's called LactMed and you can look up any drug and whether it's safe for breastfeeding.
Avery has started to branch out socially. Our next door neighbor has a three year old and if she sees him outside playing she wants to go over and join in. So we met our neighbors, yay! Anyway, she told me about a playgroup the YMCA holds so we went to check it out on Thursday. I was a little squicked out by the state and general stickiness of all the toys, but Avery thought it was great fun and careened around playing with everything for about five seconds each.
The only way we were able to go is because I was trying to solve our sleep problems by forcing Avery down to one nap. With her napping around ten every morning, we haven't been able to go to any playgroups or meet ups. And I spend too much time fighting to get her to sleep three times a day (two naps and night). But it didn't seem to have much positive effect. She was more tired and easier to get down, but slept even less than before, so I think we are back to two naps for now, and I'm back to spending several hours walking the child around until she falls asleep every day.
Sorry this is so disjointed. Adam and I are trying to watch True Grit in 20-30 minute intervals while Avery takes her catnaps, and it's on in the background right now so I've mostly lost any unifying thread in this post. I have several posts floating around in my head, including one on co-sleeping and one on vaccinating - why we are not.
Saturday, July 09, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Babies need their mothers!
Via Melissa McEwen, the following article:
The video "shows babies who, when left undisturbed on their mothers' bodies immediately after birth, find themselves, crawl to it and suckle with competence. It observes also those babies whose abilities are either impaired or negated because of exposure to intrapartum meds, separation from their mothers after birth, or both."
Great information about how mom and baby should be together for at least the first hour after birth, and how important skin to skin contact is for the newborn baby. Check it out and let me know what you think!
Keeping Mother and Baby Together – It’s Best for Mother, Baby, and Breastfeeding
The video "shows babies who, when left undisturbed on their mothers' bodies immediately after birth, find themselves, crawl to it and suckle with competence. It observes also those babies whose abilities are either impaired or negated because of exposure to intrapartum meds, separation from their mothers after birth, or both."
Great information about how mom and baby should be together for at least the first hour after birth, and how important skin to skin contact is for the newborn baby. Check it out and let me know what you think!
Friday, June 24, 2011
Fourteen months of Avery
Today is Avery's fourteen month birthday, and it also happens to be Adam's birthday! Happy birthday honey!
Avery at fourteen months is my exuberant little cherub. She is developing quite an attitude lately! The terrible.... ones? It must be frustrating to be only fourteen months and be thwarted from doing what you want at nearly every turn and not be able to even complain about it with words. The other day she threw an absolute FIT in the middle of Costco. I put a container of dates (one of her favorite things) in the cart and she decided she wanted one RIGHT. NOW. So after trying to futilely distract her while enduring withering looks from other shoppers passing by the scene, I finally cracked open the container and gave her one. Good grief! I can't wait till she turns two. Or twelve! Haaaaaa.
She's making more attempts at saying words here and there. If you ask her what a cow says, she goes, "Buahh" (moo, duh). Kitty says "myuhm", doggy says "uhn! uhn!", milk is "mahm", and she even said bah-bah (bye bye) yesterday.
She's such a love. She loves giving kisses and hugs, and getting them is the best thing EVER. No, seriously, ever ever. Just look how cute:
Untitled from Michelle Seiler on Vimeo.
This is such a fun age! The best age so far.
Avery at fourteen months is my exuberant little cherub. She is developing quite an attitude lately! The terrible.... ones? It must be frustrating to be only fourteen months and be thwarted from doing what you want at nearly every turn and not be able to even complain about it with words. The other day she threw an absolute FIT in the middle of Costco. I put a container of dates (one of her favorite things) in the cart and she decided she wanted one RIGHT. NOW. So after trying to futilely distract her while enduring withering looks from other shoppers passing by the scene, I finally cracked open the container and gave her one. Good grief! I can't wait till she turns two. Or twelve! Haaaaaa.
She's making more attempts at saying words here and there. If you ask her what a cow says, she goes, "Buahh" (moo, duh). Kitty says "myuhm", doggy says "uhn! uhn!", milk is "mahm", and she even said bah-bah (bye bye) yesterday.
She's such a love. She loves giving kisses and hugs, and getting them is the best thing EVER. No, seriously, ever ever. Just look how cute:
Untitled from Michelle Seiler on Vimeo.
This is such a fun age! The best age so far.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Just when I was all set to give her to the gypsies
Ahhhhh this child. Yesterday she only took one nap, so I knew it would mean an early bedtime. Last night went like this:
7:00 - lights out, nurse to sleep
7:30 - in bed! Yay, that was quick, now I can go downstairs and make my tea and talk to Adam.
7:50 - awake. Dammit, that was only twenty minutes. Haven't finished my tea. She's going back in her crib for a while longer.
8:40 - finally asleep and in bed again after nearly an hour of nursing and walking. At least I can go back downstairs and finish my tea.
8:50 - awake. Again. AHHHHH. To hell with it, I'll just get in bed with her.
9:30 - finally. Asleep. Aaaaannnnd here comes Adam making enough noise to wake her up.
11:45 - yes, ELEVEN FORTY FIVE. She finally went to sleep again after hours of walking, nursing and frustration.
6:45 - awake for the day!
And of course she was fussy and grumpy all morning. I was seriously about ready to give her to the next gypsy I saw. We had breakfast... well, actually, I had breakfast and she ate a few bites and kept signing "more" but then wouldn't eat anything I offered her more of. And after breakfast I carted her upstairs to take a nap.
Nursing a toddler is like trying to nurse an octopus. There are legs and arms flailing everywhere. Well, I was already feeling a bit put upon by the previous 14 hours' ordeal, so nursing an octopus was kind of like the icing on the cake.
Then all of a sudden, Avery stopped nursing, pulled my face down and went "mmmmm-mmah!" (her kisses) and started giving me kisses over and over and laughing. Oh my god, she can melt my heart. I decided I would keep her after all.
I'm pretty sure she is popping another tooth out. Two and a half down, twenty five to go. Hold me. Or better yet, send cookies! (For me, not the baby. For the baby, perhaps you have some kind of heavy duty tranquilizer??)
7:00 - lights out, nurse to sleep
7:30 - in bed! Yay, that was quick, now I can go downstairs and make my tea and talk to Adam.
7:50 - awake. Dammit, that was only twenty minutes. Haven't finished my tea. She's going back in her crib for a while longer.
8:40 - finally asleep and in bed again after nearly an hour of nursing and walking. At least I can go back downstairs and finish my tea.
8:50 - awake. Again. AHHHHH. To hell with it, I'll just get in bed with her.
9:30 - finally. Asleep. Aaaaannnnd here comes Adam making enough noise to wake her up.
11:45 - yes, ELEVEN FORTY FIVE. She finally went to sleep again after hours of walking, nursing and frustration.
6:45 - awake for the day!
And of course she was fussy and grumpy all morning. I was seriously about ready to give her to the next gypsy I saw. We had breakfast... well, actually, I had breakfast and she ate a few bites and kept signing "more" but then wouldn't eat anything I offered her more of. And after breakfast I carted her upstairs to take a nap.
Nursing a toddler is like trying to nurse an octopus. There are legs and arms flailing everywhere. Well, I was already feeling a bit put upon by the previous 14 hours' ordeal, so nursing an octopus was kind of like the icing on the cake.
Then all of a sudden, Avery stopped nursing, pulled my face down and went "mmmmm-mmah!" (her kisses) and started giving me kisses over and over and laughing. Oh my god, she can melt my heart. I decided I would keep her after all.
I'm pretty sure she is popping another tooth out. Two and a half down, twenty five to go. Hold me. Or better yet, send cookies! (For me, not the baby. For the baby, perhaps you have some kind of heavy duty tranquilizer??)
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
Lately
Hard to believe our time in Vegas is drawing to a close already. Has it really been three weeks?! We leave tomorrow. It's bittersweet - bitter because we will really miss Yaya; sweet because we get to see Dada again.
Avery has changed so much even just since we got here. She decided the day before we came that she was done with crawling. She is now walking everywhere, as you could see in the last video I posted. We even went to Nordstrom's to get Avery her first pair of shoes! After which she went toddling through the mall carrying her Eeyore around by the ear and grinning at anyone who made eye contact with her.
She loves shoes and will go get her shoes and bring them to me to put on her. A couple days ago in Kohl's we were trying a pair of shoes on her, but then decided not to get them. She was very upset when I tried to put them back on the shelf! She carried them around for a while and would not even be distracted by toys when it was time to leave the shoes behind! She also loves adult shoes and tries to put them on her feet.
People are drawn to her when we take her out. So many people stop to say hello to her and Avery always obliges them with an adorable grin, or she waves or wrinkles up her nose. Are all babies like this? I have zero experience with babies other than Avery so I don't know if she gets an abnormal amount of stranger-baby-attention or more.
We took her to our favorite Mexican restaurant in town and she had the best time. Besides eating copious amounts of guacamole and chicken, she made friends with all the waiters and bussers in our area. Every time someone passed by the table, she leaned back in her high chair and grinned and waved until they acknowledged her.
We had a fun visit with Aunt Barbara too, who enamored herself to Avery by teaching her all kinds of cool things like how to sign "more" and how to eat ice chips. You can see her doing both at the end of the Thirteen Month video I posted: Barbara was feeding her ice chips and she kept signing "more"! She also showered Avery with toys including her now beloved Eeyore, a dolly and her very own purse!
We can never do more than one or two things when we leave the house because we have to be home in time for Avery's afternoon nap. This child does not nap in the carseat or the stroller like every OTHER baby in the entire known universe. So we mostly hung out at home and enjoyed the company and exploring the back yard. We did have a few adventures, including a trip to the MGM hotel to see the lions. Avery really liked seeing the baby lions and practically turned herself inside out to get to them (she couldn't because they were behind glass, but right at her eye level).
Avery is eating a lot lately, and one of her very favorite things is chili. She consumes entire bowls of the stuff! She also eats eggs, avocado and bacon for breakfast, fruit - especially strawberries and blueberries, and she even got to eat some peaches from Poppy's peach tree!, steak, shrimp, asparagus, cucumbers, zucchini and even a little bit of dark chocolate.
She doesn't say any words besides hi, Mama, Dada and Yaya yet, but she often tries to imitate what you say. I had a sore on my foot and she was trying to get it off of me by scratching at it with her fingernail (thanks!) and I said, "owie", and she tried to imitate me. She was also trying to imitate me saying "poop" (booo) and a few other words. If you tell her to call me and I'm in the other room, she'll start toddling to find me and say "MUM! Ah-ma! Mom-mom!" Oh, and she blows kisses. Yes it's as cute as it sounds.
Luckily Dada has a three day weekend, so we will get lots of time with him when we get back. Then it will only be a couple weeks before Uncle Blake and Inge come out to visit us in Hawaii! That is sure to be a fun time of beachgoing, hiking, restauranting and who knows what else.
Avery has changed so much even just since we got here. She decided the day before we came that she was done with crawling. She is now walking everywhere, as you could see in the last video I posted. We even went to Nordstrom's to get Avery her first pair of shoes! After which she went toddling through the mall carrying her Eeyore around by the ear and grinning at anyone who made eye contact with her.
She loves shoes and will go get her shoes and bring them to me to put on her. A couple days ago in Kohl's we were trying a pair of shoes on her, but then decided not to get them. She was very upset when I tried to put them back on the shelf! She carried them around for a while and would not even be distracted by toys when it was time to leave the shoes behind! She also loves adult shoes and tries to put them on her feet.
People are drawn to her when we take her out. So many people stop to say hello to her and Avery always obliges them with an adorable grin, or she waves or wrinkles up her nose. Are all babies like this? I have zero experience with babies other than Avery so I don't know if she gets an abnormal amount of stranger-baby-attention or more.
We took her to our favorite Mexican restaurant in town and she had the best time. Besides eating copious amounts of guacamole and chicken, she made friends with all the waiters and bussers in our area. Every time someone passed by the table, she leaned back in her high chair and grinned and waved until they acknowledged her.
We had a fun visit with Aunt Barbara too, who enamored herself to Avery by teaching her all kinds of cool things like how to sign "more" and how to eat ice chips. You can see her doing both at the end of the Thirteen Month video I posted: Barbara was feeding her ice chips and she kept signing "more"! She also showered Avery with toys including her now beloved Eeyore, a dolly and her very own purse!
We can never do more than one or two things when we leave the house because we have to be home in time for Avery's afternoon nap. This child does not nap in the carseat or the stroller like every OTHER baby in the entire known universe. So we mostly hung out at home and enjoyed the company and exploring the back yard. We did have a few adventures, including a trip to the MGM hotel to see the lions. Avery really liked seeing the baby lions and practically turned herself inside out to get to them (she couldn't because they were behind glass, but right at her eye level).
Avery is eating a lot lately, and one of her very favorite things is chili. She consumes entire bowls of the stuff! She also eats eggs, avocado and bacon for breakfast, fruit - especially strawberries and blueberries, and she even got to eat some peaches from Poppy's peach tree!, steak, shrimp, asparagus, cucumbers, zucchini and even a little bit of dark chocolate.
She doesn't say any words besides hi, Mama, Dada and Yaya yet, but she often tries to imitate what you say. I had a sore on my foot and she was trying to get it off of me by scratching at it with her fingernail (thanks!) and I said, "owie", and she tried to imitate me. She was also trying to imitate me saying "poop" (booo) and a few other words. If you tell her to call me and I'm in the other room, she'll start toddling to find me and say "MUM! Ah-ma! Mom-mom!" Oh, and she blows kisses. Yes it's as cute as it sounds.
Luckily Dada has a three day weekend, so we will get lots of time with him when we get back. Then it will only be a couple weeks before Uncle Blake and Inge come out to visit us in Hawaii! That is sure to be a fun time of beachgoing, hiking, restauranting and who knows what else.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Photo Shoot!
These are some of my favorites! If you want to see them all, I posted them on Facebook or on Avery's Shutterfly.
If you need the password, send me an email at new dot michelle at gmail dot com and I'll send it to you!
Friday, May 20, 2011
That was strange
The goshdarn WEIRDEST THING just happened. I was upstairs nursing Avery before her nap and suddenly she stopped nursing and rolled her head back and forth. I thought, oh great, here we go, I'm going to have to walk her down to sleep. But then she nestled her head in to my arm and ... I can hardly even type it ... she just ... went to sleep. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. That has NEVER happened before in her entire life! I feel like the clouds parted and a small beam of hope came through. These have been some rough weeks, sleepwise. But it may be that we are nearing a comparatively easier phase. And I can see a tiny glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't harbor any illusions that this is going to be happening on the regular now or anything, but at least I know it CAN happen.
I know I talk about the child's sleep (or lack thereof) every other time I post here. It's probably my greatest parenting challenge, if not the greatest challenge of my ENTIRE LIFE, and I don't think I'm exaggerating here. I was talking to my aunt the other day and she could not believe Avery was only napping 20-30 minutes. She said she has a friend whose one year old naps for FOUR HOURS each day. FOUR! I can't even imagine what that would be like. I spend hours every day getting Avery to sleep, and that's not even mentioning the nights! And then she naps for an hour. A DAY! If I'm lucky.
And yet, I think about how far we have come. I remember the early days when I could hardly lay her down to sleep. I would just get in bed with her each night because she wouldn't stay asleep without me there. Or then when she was napping four times a day and I would spend 30 minutes walking/bouncing/patting/humming her down and she would wake up as soon as I got back downstairs and need to be resettled again. Things have gotten better, in a sort of spiraling two steps forward one step back kind of way.
It's not just sleep; there's been other evidence that she is pulling out of this regression. Like today she spent a long time playing while I was sitting on the floor with her, and I was alternating between reading blogs on my phone and interacting with her, instead of having to focus my attention 100% on her. Or if I announce that Mommy is going to the potty! she will stand up and start toddling after me instead of exploding into hysterical wails.
Oh, and last week I took her shopping a the outlet mall and she spent the whole afternoon riding around in her stroller or crawling around in the dressing room while I was trying stuff on. It was fun! I can remember when I thought I would NEVER be able to do that. When Avery was about a month old I went with my mom to the base exchange and commissary and spent the whole time sitting in the food court nursing Avery while my mom went in and shopped. And then Avery cried in her carseat on the way home. I remember thinking, what was the point, I could have just stayed home and been more comfortable. And, I am never going to be able to go ANYWHERE! Ah, times have changed!
I don't want to give the impression that the sleep issue is the biggest or most important. It does kind of give me writer's block, though. I mean, if I spend 30 minutes putting her down and I know I probably only have 30 minutes before she wakes up, I don't exactly feel like sitting down to blog about all the adorable things she does. Know what I mean? Even though the majority of the time we are having fun and she is being adorable.
Anyway, here's what we've been up to:
* I'm siiiiiiiiiick. Agaaaaaaiiiin. Seriously, I have been sick more times since I started nursing than in the entire previous decade! I can't help but think it has something to do with nursing depleting my nutrient stores or being run down in general. UGH! Oh, and the toddler? Still here, even when I'm sick and feel like schlepping between the couch and my bed all day.
* We had a professional photographer out to the house to take our family pictures. The same guy who photographed our wedding. I think they will turn out really cute, I can't wait to see them (we should get to see them sometime this week).
* I'm going home to Vegas for a few weeks on Sunday. With Avery, of course! We are super excited.
* Avery is getting good at walking. She is still a bit unsteady on her feet, but she toddles around quite a bit now and it's so WEIRD to see! Watching her grow up is such a trip.
Aaaand she's up! Forty minutes!
I know I talk about the child's sleep (or lack thereof) every other time I post here. It's probably my greatest parenting challenge, if not the greatest challenge of my ENTIRE LIFE, and I don't think I'm exaggerating here. I was talking to my aunt the other day and she could not believe Avery was only napping 20-30 minutes. She said she has a friend whose one year old naps for FOUR HOURS each day. FOUR! I can't even imagine what that would be like. I spend hours every day getting Avery to sleep, and that's not even mentioning the nights! And then she naps for an hour. A DAY! If I'm lucky.
And yet, I think about how far we have come. I remember the early days when I could hardly lay her down to sleep. I would just get in bed with her each night because she wouldn't stay asleep without me there. Or then when she was napping four times a day and I would spend 30 minutes walking/bouncing/patting/humming her down and she would wake up as soon as I got back downstairs and need to be resettled again. Things have gotten better, in a sort of spiraling two steps forward one step back kind of way.
It's not just sleep; there's been other evidence that she is pulling out of this regression. Like today she spent a long time playing while I was sitting on the floor with her, and I was alternating between reading blogs on my phone and interacting with her, instead of having to focus my attention 100% on her. Or if I announce that Mommy is going to the potty! she will stand up and start toddling after me instead of exploding into hysterical wails.
Oh, and last week I took her shopping a the outlet mall and she spent the whole afternoon riding around in her stroller or crawling around in the dressing room while I was trying stuff on. It was fun! I can remember when I thought I would NEVER be able to do that. When Avery was about a month old I went with my mom to the base exchange and commissary and spent the whole time sitting in the food court nursing Avery while my mom went in and shopped. And then Avery cried in her carseat on the way home. I remember thinking, what was the point, I could have just stayed home and been more comfortable. And, I am never going to be able to go ANYWHERE! Ah, times have changed!
I don't want to give the impression that the sleep issue is the biggest or most important. It does kind of give me writer's block, though. I mean, if I spend 30 minutes putting her down and I know I probably only have 30 minutes before she wakes up, I don't exactly feel like sitting down to blog about all the adorable things she does. Know what I mean? Even though the majority of the time we are having fun and she is being adorable.
Anyway, here's what we've been up to:
* I'm siiiiiiiiiick. Agaaaaaaiiiin. Seriously, I have been sick more times since I started nursing than in the entire previous decade! I can't help but think it has something to do with nursing depleting my nutrient stores or being run down in general. UGH! Oh, and the toddler? Still here, even when I'm sick and feel like schlepping between the couch and my bed all day.
* We had a professional photographer out to the house to take our family pictures. The same guy who photographed our wedding. I think they will turn out really cute, I can't wait to see them (we should get to see them sometime this week).
* I'm going home to Vegas for a few weeks on Sunday. With Avery, of course! We are super excited.
* Avery is getting good at walking. She is still a bit unsteady on her feet, but she toddles around quite a bit now and it's so WEIRD to see! Watching her grow up is such a trip.
Aaaand she's up! Forty minutes!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Another developmental spurt
A few days ago I got an email from the Wonder Weeks saying that Avery was starting another developmental leap.* Which explains a LOT that's been going on around here! The sleep being even more wacky than usual (one night she was up for FOUR HOURS in the middle of the night), the whining, the clinging, crying whenever I'm not paying full attention to her... of course it's because she's discovering "the world of programs". Sure enough, I've seen her doing a couple of things that indicate she is catching on to "programs" (mopping the floor is a program, for example). If you hand her a rag, she will wipe the table; with a bowl and spoon, she will stir and offer you a taste. Apparently when they hit these developmental leaps, their brains change so they actually see the world differently and it seems scary and overwhelming to them so they fuss, cling, and regress for a while.
Yesterday we were playing a game while she was nursing. She was swatting/patting/grabbing for my mouth, so I pretended like I was going to chomp her hand and she cracked up. She kept putting her hand up for me to pretend-chomp over and over again. I'm not sure what was so hilarious about it, but she was laughing so hard.
* If you go to the Wonder Weeks website you can enter your email address and they will send you an email right before your baby is supposed to hit a developmental leap.
Yesterday we were playing a game while she was nursing. She was swatting/patting/grabbing for my mouth, so I pretended like I was going to chomp her hand and she cracked up. She kept putting her hand up for me to pretend-chomp over and over again. I'm not sure what was so hilarious about it, but she was laughing so hard.
* If you go to the Wonder Weeks website you can enter your email address and they will send you an email right before your baby is supposed to hit a developmental leap.
Monday, May 09, 2011
Thursday, May 05, 2011
I guess there's a first for everything
My poor baby has her first fever. Boo! It started Tuesday night and got up to 103 last night. I just took her to the pediatrician and looks like there's no infection, so just a virus that has to run its course. No other symptoms, though, thank goodness. She's napping right now. Somehow being sick is actually making her sleep LESS, if that's even possible... she only napped for 20 minutes all day yesterday! I hope she gets some sleep today, fingers crossed.
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
Historic Moment
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Breastfeeding Part V
Finally I am wrapping up the breastfeeding series! This post is a collection of things to do and buy that can help you have a smoother experience. I hope these posts have been helpful! Let me know if you have any questions or comments!
1. Read "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" (8th ed.)
This is the "bible" of breastfeeding. It's published by La Leche League and covers pretty much everything you need to know about breastfeeding. Read it while you're pregnant and have it on your bookshelf for when questions come up after the baby is born.
2. Take a breastfeeding class
Most hospitals offer a breastfeeding class to expectant mothers. Our Bradley class covered breastfeeding, and I also took the hospital's class. The latter was the most helpful. It was taught by a lactation consultant for the hospital so she was able to go over information specific to the hospital.
3. Have a plan
Think about what you want to happen in the moments after the birth and make sure you convey it to the nurses. If you want the baby placed on your chest immediately and you want to nurse before they take him away to weigh/measure, make sure they know that. Think about what you want to happen if you have to have a c-section. I reached down and pulled Avery up on my chest as soon as I saw her, and I held her there skin-to-skin while they stitched me up. I also got her latched on before the pediatrician examined her. (We also didn't give her a bath until like 2 weeks after she was born, and I wouldn't do that again either! Sponge bath is enough; poor baby was traumatized.) I keep telling Adam that IF I decide to have another baby, I'm planning to do it either at home or in a birthing center, and that I don't want my newborn baby taken from me and crying hysterically while some stranger pokes and prods under a bright light.
4. See a lactation consultant
Most hospitals have lactation consultants on staff. After you and baby get to your room and get comfortable, ask to see the LC! She can answer any questions you have, help you get baby latched, and show you some different positions to nurse in. While you are at it, go ahead and make sure the pediatrician you choose for your baby has a LC on staff too, so if you run into any problems or have any questions after you leave the hospital, you have someone to call. Don't hesitate to talk to a LC and nip any nursing problems in the bud.
5. Lansinoh
Buy a tube of this stuff. You will want it a few days after the baby is born when your nipples start getting dry & cracked from being sucked on. It won't hurt the baby, so go ahead and slather a bunch of it on. You probably won't need it in the hospital, but go ahead and put it in your hospital bag. Have your husband put it on the baby's bum before diapering her: it will prevent the meconium from sticking to her skin and make it easier to clean her up! That stuff is like sticky tar.
6. Nursing pillow
First I had a Boppy, but after I saw the hospital's LC, who showed me the Brest Friend, I was sold. Get the Brest Friend. The name is ridiculous, but the concept is golden. With the Boppy, the baby kept sliding down into the space between my belly and the pillow. Since the Brest Friend fastens around you, it prevents that from happening. It makes it much, much easier to get the baby positioned and latched, and lets you relax without the baby sliding away when she's so tiny. I used my Brest Friend pillow until Avery was seven months old, and even brought it back to the mainland with me in my suitcase when we traveled to my sister's wedding!
7. Nursing station
Find the chair you like to nurse in best, and set up roost there! Have your ipod, computer, books, whatever you like to entertain yourself, plus plenty of water, burp cloths, baby blankets, Lansinoh, and snacks nearby. Now sit down and nurse the baby. Have other people bring you drinks and food! I stayed in my room and the nursery in my rocking chair for at least two weeks - did not even come downstairs.
8. Nipple shells
Ah, yes. I would have loved to have some of these, but I couldn't find them locally and didn't want to wait for them to come from Amazon because I figured I wouldn't really need them anymore by the time they arrived. I suggest you have some on hand in case you want to use them. Basically they keep your bra or shirt (or anything) from touching your nipples. When you're sore and the skin is chapped, the last thing you want is your bra getting stuck to the nipple skin or rubbing on them! It was only a few days... ok, two weeks, maybe? Less? ... that I really needed these. I actually used saran wrap over some lansinoh inside my bra instead and it worked, though probably not advised because there's no air circulation. I would express some milk and dab that on the nipple area, let it air dry, then slather on Lansinoh and cover with saran.
9. Bookmark Kellymom
Kellymom.com is a lifesaver! I was on that website CONSTANTLY in the first few weeks, reading pretty much everything she had posted. It's a wealth of awesome information. Definitely bookmark the page and poke around on there before you start nursing. Then when questions come up, you'll know, oh I saw something about that on Kellymom, and you can go find the answer. I still go on there regularly whenever I am wondering about something breastfeeding related.
10. Check out Dr. Jack Newman
This is another FANTASTIC breastfeeding website. Go watch all his videos so you know what a really good latch looks like! Then check out his articles too, in case you have any questions.
11. ... and Dr. Sears
Another website. I love Dr. Sears, and his website has some great info on it. If you're like me, you like to research everything and get several opinions, so add his site to your bookmarks too. The link goes right to his breastfeeding articles, but he addresses other parenting topics as well.
12. Get a nursing bra
Preferably one with no underwire. Oh, sure, they will tell you at Nordstrom's that underwire is just fine for nursing moms. Maybe. But understand that the milk ducts go under the breast and around the sides near the armpits and you're more likely to get plugged ducts and mastitis with hard wire compressing those areas. My favorite nursing bra is at the link above (Bravado Bliss), and it's great for those with larger breasts. Or check out Birth and Baby where they have a bra fitting guide, as well as recommendations for the best bra for your shape/size.
13. And a nursing sleep bra
I started wearing one of these to sleep while preggo because my chest got so large that it was more comfortable to have some support. Even if you aren't on the larger side, you will probably still want a couple of these sleep bras, both to sleep in and to lounge around in. At night, in the early days, you will want something to hold nursing pads in place because you will probably experience some leaking. The Medela sleep bras in the link are the ones I like.
14. And some bra pads
I leaked for months, so these were a necessity. Nothing like being in public and having your boobs leak! And at night, on the rare nights I got 4-5 hours of sleep, there would inevitably be some leaking too. After a while your supply evens out and you just produce whatever baby is eating, so the leaking stops.
15. Have a nursing cover
You won't need it right away if you follow my advice to hunker down in your nest for a few weeks and don't go out in public, but eventually you will want to nurse away from home and these make it easy because they hook around your neck. I actually more often use an Aiden and Anais muslin swaddling blanket knotted around my neck because it's so hot here and they are really breathable.
16. Find La Leche League in your area
To me, it's really helpful to go to the meetings just to be around other breastfeeding moms! But there have been a few times when I've had questions answered at the meetings. Or felt like I've been able to give support to other moms. It's a good resource to have available.
17. Consider a breast pump
Before Avery was born I got a Pump in Style (PIS) and planned to use it. I wasn't sure whether I would go back to work, but I figured I would need one either way because if I didn't go back, I would still want to pump a bottle every once in a while. As you know from reading my previous posts, Avery never took a bottle, so although I did pump milk occasionally, it wasn't often, and I haven't pumped in months. I probably still would have gotten the pump even knowing how little I use it. I'm not even sure I would have gotten a cheaper pump because I wanted something easy to use that would last through multiple children. So, should you get a pump or what? Here's my $0.02. If you know for sure you are going to stay home with baby, and that bottles won't be more than a few times a week if that, you can probably get away with a less expensive model or even just a hand pump. You might find yourself pumping even LESS than you expect (like me) and you don't need to spend the money on something you won't use. You can always go get a better pump if you find you are pumping more than you expected or you just want a better pump. If you know you are going to be away from the baby for any length of time, and you're going to be pumping frequently, definitely spring for a PIS or similar.
1. Read "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" (8th ed.)
This is the "bible" of breastfeeding. It's published by La Leche League and covers pretty much everything you need to know about breastfeeding. Read it while you're pregnant and have it on your bookshelf for when questions come up after the baby is born.
2. Take a breastfeeding class
Most hospitals offer a breastfeeding class to expectant mothers. Our Bradley class covered breastfeeding, and I also took the hospital's class. The latter was the most helpful. It was taught by a lactation consultant for the hospital so she was able to go over information specific to the hospital.
3. Have a plan
Think about what you want to happen in the moments after the birth and make sure you convey it to the nurses. If you want the baby placed on your chest immediately and you want to nurse before they take him away to weigh/measure, make sure they know that. Think about what you want to happen if you have to have a c-section. I reached down and pulled Avery up on my chest as soon as I saw her, and I held her there skin-to-skin while they stitched me up. I also got her latched on before the pediatrician examined her. (We also didn't give her a bath until like 2 weeks after she was born, and I wouldn't do that again either! Sponge bath is enough; poor baby was traumatized.) I keep telling Adam that IF I decide to have another baby, I'm planning to do it either at home or in a birthing center, and that I don't want my newborn baby taken from me and crying hysterically while some stranger pokes and prods under a bright light.
4. See a lactation consultant
Most hospitals have lactation consultants on staff. After you and baby get to your room and get comfortable, ask to see the LC! She can answer any questions you have, help you get baby latched, and show you some different positions to nurse in. While you are at it, go ahead and make sure the pediatrician you choose for your baby has a LC on staff too, so if you run into any problems or have any questions after you leave the hospital, you have someone to call. Don't hesitate to talk to a LC and nip any nursing problems in the bud.
5. Lansinoh
Buy a tube of this stuff. You will want it a few days after the baby is born when your nipples start getting dry & cracked from being sucked on. It won't hurt the baby, so go ahead and slather a bunch of it on. You probably won't need it in the hospital, but go ahead and put it in your hospital bag. Have your husband put it on the baby's bum before diapering her: it will prevent the meconium from sticking to her skin and make it easier to clean her up! That stuff is like sticky tar.
6. Nursing pillow
First I had a Boppy, but after I saw the hospital's LC, who showed me the Brest Friend, I was sold. Get the Brest Friend. The name is ridiculous, but the concept is golden. With the Boppy, the baby kept sliding down into the space between my belly and the pillow. Since the Brest Friend fastens around you, it prevents that from happening. It makes it much, much easier to get the baby positioned and latched, and lets you relax without the baby sliding away when she's so tiny. I used my Brest Friend pillow until Avery was seven months old, and even brought it back to the mainland with me in my suitcase when we traveled to my sister's wedding!
7. Nursing station
Find the chair you like to nurse in best, and set up roost there! Have your ipod, computer, books, whatever you like to entertain yourself, plus plenty of water, burp cloths, baby blankets, Lansinoh, and snacks nearby. Now sit down and nurse the baby. Have other people bring you drinks and food! I stayed in my room and the nursery in my rocking chair for at least two weeks - did not even come downstairs.
8. Nipple shells
Ah, yes. I would have loved to have some of these, but I couldn't find them locally and didn't want to wait for them to come from Amazon because I figured I wouldn't really need them anymore by the time they arrived. I suggest you have some on hand in case you want to use them. Basically they keep your bra or shirt (or anything) from touching your nipples. When you're sore and the skin is chapped, the last thing you want is your bra getting stuck to the nipple skin or rubbing on them! It was only a few days... ok, two weeks, maybe? Less? ... that I really needed these. I actually used saran wrap over some lansinoh inside my bra instead and it worked, though probably not advised because there's no air circulation. I would express some milk and dab that on the nipple area, let it air dry, then slather on Lansinoh and cover with saran.
9. Bookmark Kellymom
Kellymom.com is a lifesaver! I was on that website CONSTANTLY in the first few weeks, reading pretty much everything she had posted. It's a wealth of awesome information. Definitely bookmark the page and poke around on there before you start nursing. Then when questions come up, you'll know, oh I saw something about that on Kellymom, and you can go find the answer. I still go on there regularly whenever I am wondering about something breastfeeding related.
10. Check out Dr. Jack Newman
This is another FANTASTIC breastfeeding website. Go watch all his videos so you know what a really good latch looks like! Then check out his articles too, in case you have any questions.
11. ... and Dr. Sears
Another website. I love Dr. Sears, and his website has some great info on it. If you're like me, you like to research everything and get several opinions, so add his site to your bookmarks too. The link goes right to his breastfeeding articles, but he addresses other parenting topics as well.
12. Get a nursing bra
Preferably one with no underwire. Oh, sure, they will tell you at Nordstrom's that underwire is just fine for nursing moms. Maybe. But understand that the milk ducts go under the breast and around the sides near the armpits and you're more likely to get plugged ducts and mastitis with hard wire compressing those areas. My favorite nursing bra is at the link above (Bravado Bliss), and it's great for those with larger breasts. Or check out Birth and Baby where they have a bra fitting guide, as well as recommendations for the best bra for your shape/size.
13. And a nursing sleep bra
I started wearing one of these to sleep while preggo because my chest got so large that it was more comfortable to have some support. Even if you aren't on the larger side, you will probably still want a couple of these sleep bras, both to sleep in and to lounge around in. At night, in the early days, you will want something to hold nursing pads in place because you will probably experience some leaking. The Medela sleep bras in the link are the ones I like.
14. And some bra pads
I leaked for months, so these were a necessity. Nothing like being in public and having your boobs leak! And at night, on the rare nights I got 4-5 hours of sleep, there would inevitably be some leaking too. After a while your supply evens out and you just produce whatever baby is eating, so the leaking stops.
15. Have a nursing cover
You won't need it right away if you follow my advice to hunker down in your nest for a few weeks and don't go out in public, but eventually you will want to nurse away from home and these make it easy because they hook around your neck. I actually more often use an Aiden and Anais muslin swaddling blanket knotted around my neck because it's so hot here and they are really breathable.
16. Find La Leche League in your area
To me, it's really helpful to go to the meetings just to be around other breastfeeding moms! But there have been a few times when I've had questions answered at the meetings. Or felt like I've been able to give support to other moms. It's a good resource to have available.
17. Consider a breast pump
Before Avery was born I got a Pump in Style (PIS) and planned to use it. I wasn't sure whether I would go back to work, but I figured I would need one either way because if I didn't go back, I would still want to pump a bottle every once in a while. As you know from reading my previous posts, Avery never took a bottle, so although I did pump milk occasionally, it wasn't often, and I haven't pumped in months. I probably still would have gotten the pump even knowing how little I use it. I'm not even sure I would have gotten a cheaper pump because I wanted something easy to use that would last through multiple children. So, should you get a pump or what? Here's my $0.02. If you know for sure you are going to stay home with baby, and that bottles won't be more than a few times a week if that, you can probably get away with a less expensive model or even just a hand pump. You might find yourself pumping even LESS than you expect (like me) and you don't need to spend the money on something you won't use. You can always go get a better pump if you find you are pumping more than you expected or you just want a better pump. If you know you are going to be away from the baby for any length of time, and you're going to be pumping frequently, definitely spring for a PIS or similar.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Avery's Birthday Party!
It was such a fun day! I can't believe it's come and gone already!
Music is "Lo Boob Oscillator" by Stereolab
Untitled from Michelle Seiler on Vimeo.
Music is "Lo Boob Oscillator" by Stereolab
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Happy Birthday Avery!
Oh my. Can you believe this day is here already? I sure can't. Hard to believe it was already a year ago that we were in the hospital meeting you for the first time. Happy Birthday to the little love of my life. And Happy Easter too!
We celebrated her birthday yesterday with a small party (fairy theme!). Pics and video to follow soon.
For her birthday, Avery is learning to walk. Here's a video!
We celebrated her birthday yesterday with a small party (fairy theme!). Pics and video to follow soon.
For her birthday, Avery is learning to walk. Here's a video!
Untitled from Michelle Seiler on Vimeo.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Avery's First Year
I love reliving all these memories! I've watched this at least fifty times and I get misty every time. I love this little girl! Hope you enjoy.
Music: "So Damn Lucky" by Dave Matthews
Music: "So Damn Lucky" by Dave Matthews
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Breastfeeding, Part IV
Before I wrap up this series with my final post about the stuff you can get and do to have a smoother breastfeeding experience, I want to address Megan's question about the role of the father. It's an interesting question!
First I want to point out something about natural selection. You've probably all heard Darwin's theory reduced to the maxim "survival of the fittest." Well, that is true, to some extent, but it's only part of the story. If natural selection was all about survival of the fittest, then how on earth do you explain a peacock's tail feathers?
That extravagant display of beautiful feathers certainly doesn't help him run faster. To the contrary, it probably slows him down! It definitely doesn't help him be less conspicuous to predators. How could you hide that costume?! It doesn't help him find food. In fact, at first glance, it would seem the peacock's tail feathers make him LESS fit to survive! So why would evolution select for such a seemingly maladaptive trait? Well, the answer is obvious if you look at the picture above: to attract a lovely peahen mate!
Female peacocks over the millennia selected to mate with the males that had the biggest, um... tails. They liked the guys with the prettiest display. Who knows for sure why peahen tastes lean the way they do, but we can infer they like the guy with the grandest, prettiest display because it signals his fitness. Any guy who has to carry around that huge decoration has to be strong, fast and cunning enough to evade predators, as well as healthy enough to grow the tail in the first place and keep it looking nice. Females mate with the pretty-tailed guy and his genes get into the next generation. Meanwhile, those whose tails don't measure up don't get as many chances at reproduction and their genes dwindle.
[This is less to the point, but as you can see, the female is less spectacularly adorned. That's because she doesn't need to look nice to attract a male. The males take it wherever they can get it (so to speak). Because in many species sperm is infinite and males don't have to spend time gestating, they maximize their reproduction by sowing their seed far and wide. Females on the other hand have to be choosy. They can only get pregnant by one guy at a time and then they have to invest in their unborn and even young offspring. So obviously they want only the best. The males use their tails to prove they are the best and get the females to choose them as a mate.]
So it's not really "survival of the fittest." It's more like "survival of those best able to reproduce viable offspring (who themselves are also successful breeders)." You see, natural selection is the propagation of genes into the next generation, and the next, and the next. All species have different nuances to their mating strategies; this is only one example. And of course, not all traits are selected ONLY because they make for an attractive mate... although at the end of the day, that's what much of it boils down to because you can't reproduce or have your offspring be successful at reproducing if you are starving, ill or dead!
Ok, so what about humans? If sperm is infinite and males maximize their reproductive strategy by sowing their seed as often as possible, why do humans form pair-bonds that endure for many years of reproducing, or lifetimes? First, because human females selected guys who stuck around. And secondly because human males probably figured out it was a better way to have viable offspring. Remember you not only need to reproduce, but ideally see your offspring reproduce in order to see your genes succeed. You'll also recall that due to bipedalism and our huge brains, human infants are essentially born premature - completely helpless - and require a significant investment from a caregiver in order to survive. (If only we were like cows and our babies came out and started toddling after us as we went about our business!) So mom's wrapped up in gestating and nursing for at least a few years: both very energy intensive and not at all conducive to running down dinner. She needs a mate who will bring home the bacon, as they say. So the choosy female picks a male she knows has resources to care for her and her offspring. Over many generations of selectively mating with the guys who want to share and take care, we get human male-female pair-bonds. Basically what I'm saying is that the males of our species ARE biologically inclined to be very involved with their mate and their offspring.
[Notice I didn't say we are monogamous, though. I mean, we are, to a large extent, but that is mostly a cultural construct for our species. Biologically speaking, humans are a mildly polygamous species, which actually benefits females more. Are you surprised? Well, think about it: in polygamy, two or three women can share a very fit and "wealthy" (possessing of resources like food, shelter, or able to acquire them easily) male with plenty of resources to go around; under monogamy, each person gets one mate, which insures that all the males can get a mate (good for them and also explaining why adulterous wives are historically severely punished), but that some females will get stuck with less desirable mates. In this discussion, I'm leaving aside our modern cultural persuasions like romance and commitment. This is thinking only in terms of reproductive success, i.e., getting the best sperm/resources! Remember we are talking about the 99% of human history spent as hunter-gatherers. I'm also leaving out many nuances; this is a bird's eye view.]
Human males are one of the more involved with their offspring, and they form bonds and attachments to their young, which makes sense because human infants require such a huge investment. Another species that behaves similarly to humans in this respect is canines. In the wild, male wolves will range far from the pack to find food and bring it back to their mate and offspring. They will also spend time playing with their pups. There are also a couple of primate species where the males will carry, groom and play with their young.
How does this relate to breastfeeding? As you can probably surmise, males don't have a role in that, biologically speaking. They provide food, shelter and protection to the female so she can breastfeed. No, bottle feeding is not "natural." But that doesn't mean it should never be done. I'm not going to say it's just as good to bottle feed, even if it's breastmilk. It's not. Breastmilk comes out at the right temperature (mom's body can even run hotter or colder depending on what the infant needs) and is full of a mix of enzymes and antibodies perfectly suited to the infant's immediate environment. Once breastmilk is frozen, many of the enzymes are destroyed. And month's old milk doesn't provide antibodies to the germs your baby picked up at the grocery store this morning. But that certainly doesn't mean it should never be done.
Bottle feeding is not a historically new concept. Since the advent of pastoralism (and the domestication of animals), humans have been giving their babies other species' milk. Archaeologists have discovered ancient bottles, so we know babies have been fed by artificial boobs long before our modern times.
We are genetically ancient beings living in a modern world. There are no (or very few) selective pressures operating on our genes today. It's quite easy in nearly every corner of the modern world to make it to reproductive age and have a baby. Our biology is at sometimes at odds with our environment. We expect our babies to fit into our modern lives; we don't want to change our lives to accommodate our babies. We certainly don't want to be manipulated by our babies (I say this tongue in cheek; I don't think our babies are capable of manipulating us, but it is laughable and sad that my own pediatrician told me this when Avery was only about 4 months old - that if I nurse her at night any more, she is just manipulating me into being a human pacifier).
Our modern baby gadgets - formula, bottles, swings, bouncy seats, pacifiers - are convenient for us as parents, but to the baby, they are second fiddle to nursing at the breast, being worn in a sling next to your heart, gentle motion, and sleeping with mom.
I'm not suggesting you need to be a martyr for your children. I only want to point out some aspects of human biology that might explain why your infant behaves the way she does and help guide your responses. At the end of the day, you will follow your own instincts about parenting your own baby. You still live in the modern world and there are likely going to be times when you make compromises between what is best for your baby and what is best for you. There are going to be times when you want to give your baby a bottle, whether it's because you've decided to return to work, or just because you want to go out for a while without your baby. And either way, it's ok to do that.
For me, after Avery was about six weeks old, I started pumping milk to give her bottles. I was pretty sure I wasn't going to go back to work, but I thought Adam might be able to give her a bottle occasionally at night or in the early morning so I could sleep, or maybe on a weekend so I could go shopping by myself. She drank milk from a bottle ONE TIME. That was it. We tried for months - not every day, but maybe a few times a week or every other week - and she just never wanted to drink from the bottle. Admittedly, we didn't push the issue since we hated seeing her upset or crying when I could so easily just feed her from the breast and she would be happy. Would she eventually have taken a bottle if forced? Probably. But in the end we weren't willing to put her through that. (And her reticence to drink from a bottle, plus my reticence to see her upset, WAS a factor in my decision to stay home. It wasn't the only thing, or even the most important...) After I decided not to return to work, our efforts petered out and I haven't pumped milk in probably six months. The same went with the pacifier. She never wanted it, and we never forced the issue because we were heartbroken to see her cry so pitifully when I could just nurse her (as nature intended) and pacify her. If Avery would have taken a bottle, I would have happily let Adam feed her sometimes. If she had taken a pacifier, I would have probably used it at times - like at night or in the car. (Now I don't mind that she doesn't take a pacifier because I don't have to wean her off it.)
Now I need to wrap this up because my little cave-ling is upset that I'm typing instead of paying attention to her!
Thoughts? Comments? Let me hear them!!
First I want to point out something about natural selection. You've probably all heard Darwin's theory reduced to the maxim "survival of the fittest." Well, that is true, to some extent, but it's only part of the story. If natural selection was all about survival of the fittest, then how on earth do you explain a peacock's tail feathers?
Female peacocks over the millennia selected to mate with the males that had the biggest, um... tails. They liked the guys with the prettiest display. Who knows for sure why peahen tastes lean the way they do, but we can infer they like the guy with the grandest, prettiest display because it signals his fitness. Any guy who has to carry around that huge decoration has to be strong, fast and cunning enough to evade predators, as well as healthy enough to grow the tail in the first place and keep it looking nice. Females mate with the pretty-tailed guy and his genes get into the next generation. Meanwhile, those whose tails don't measure up don't get as many chances at reproduction and their genes dwindle.
[This is less to the point, but as you can see, the female is less spectacularly adorned. That's because she doesn't need to look nice to attract a male. The males take it wherever they can get it (so to speak). Because in many species sperm is infinite and males don't have to spend time gestating, they maximize their reproduction by sowing their seed far and wide. Females on the other hand have to be choosy. They can only get pregnant by one guy at a time and then they have to invest in their unborn and even young offspring. So obviously they want only the best. The males use their tails to prove they are the best and get the females to choose them as a mate.]
So it's not really "survival of the fittest." It's more like "survival of those best able to reproduce viable offspring (who themselves are also successful breeders)." You see, natural selection is the propagation of genes into the next generation, and the next, and the next. All species have different nuances to their mating strategies; this is only one example. And of course, not all traits are selected ONLY because they make for an attractive mate... although at the end of the day, that's what much of it boils down to because you can't reproduce or have your offspring be successful at reproducing if you are starving, ill or dead!
Ok, so what about humans? If sperm is infinite and males maximize their reproductive strategy by sowing their seed as often as possible, why do humans form pair-bonds that endure for many years of reproducing, or lifetimes? First, because human females selected guys who stuck around. And secondly because human males probably figured out it was a better way to have viable offspring. Remember you not only need to reproduce, but ideally see your offspring reproduce in order to see your genes succeed. You'll also recall that due to bipedalism and our huge brains, human infants are essentially born premature - completely helpless - and require a significant investment from a caregiver in order to survive. (If only we were like cows and our babies came out and started toddling after us as we went about our business!) So mom's wrapped up in gestating and nursing for at least a few years: both very energy intensive and not at all conducive to running down dinner. She needs a mate who will bring home the bacon, as they say. So the choosy female picks a male she knows has resources to care for her and her offspring. Over many generations of selectively mating with the guys who want to share and take care, we get human male-female pair-bonds. Basically what I'm saying is that the males of our species ARE biologically inclined to be very involved with their mate and their offspring.
[Notice I didn't say we are monogamous, though. I mean, we are, to a large extent, but that is mostly a cultural construct for our species. Biologically speaking, humans are a mildly polygamous species, which actually benefits females more. Are you surprised? Well, think about it: in polygamy, two or three women can share a very fit and "wealthy" (possessing of resources like food, shelter, or able to acquire them easily) male with plenty of resources to go around; under monogamy, each person gets one mate, which insures that all the males can get a mate (good for them and also explaining why adulterous wives are historically severely punished), but that some females will get stuck with less desirable mates. In this discussion, I'm leaving aside our modern cultural persuasions like romance and commitment. This is thinking only in terms of reproductive success, i.e., getting the best sperm/resources! Remember we are talking about the 99% of human history spent as hunter-gatherers. I'm also leaving out many nuances; this is a bird's eye view.]
Human males are one of the more involved with their offspring, and they form bonds and attachments to their young, which makes sense because human infants require such a huge investment. Another species that behaves similarly to humans in this respect is canines. In the wild, male wolves will range far from the pack to find food and bring it back to their mate and offspring. They will also spend time playing with their pups. There are also a couple of primate species where the males will carry, groom and play with their young.
How does this relate to breastfeeding? As you can probably surmise, males don't have a role in that, biologically speaking. They provide food, shelter and protection to the female so she can breastfeed. No, bottle feeding is not "natural." But that doesn't mean it should never be done. I'm not going to say it's just as good to bottle feed, even if it's breastmilk. It's not. Breastmilk comes out at the right temperature (mom's body can even run hotter or colder depending on what the infant needs) and is full of a mix of enzymes and antibodies perfectly suited to the infant's immediate environment. Once breastmilk is frozen, many of the enzymes are destroyed. And month's old milk doesn't provide antibodies to the germs your baby picked up at the grocery store this morning. But that certainly doesn't mean it should never be done.
Bottle feeding is not a historically new concept. Since the advent of pastoralism (and the domestication of animals), humans have been giving their babies other species' milk. Archaeologists have discovered ancient bottles, so we know babies have been fed by artificial boobs long before our modern times.
We are genetically ancient beings living in a modern world. There are no (or very few) selective pressures operating on our genes today. It's quite easy in nearly every corner of the modern world to make it to reproductive age and have a baby. Our biology is at sometimes at odds with our environment. We expect our babies to fit into our modern lives; we don't want to change our lives to accommodate our babies. We certainly don't want to be manipulated by our babies (I say this tongue in cheek; I don't think our babies are capable of manipulating us, but it is laughable and sad that my own pediatrician told me this when Avery was only about 4 months old - that if I nurse her at night any more, she is just manipulating me into being a human pacifier).
Our modern baby gadgets - formula, bottles, swings, bouncy seats, pacifiers - are convenient for us as parents, but to the baby, they are second fiddle to nursing at the breast, being worn in a sling next to your heart, gentle motion, and sleeping with mom.
I'm not suggesting you need to be a martyr for your children. I only want to point out some aspects of human biology that might explain why your infant behaves the way she does and help guide your responses. At the end of the day, you will follow your own instincts about parenting your own baby. You still live in the modern world and there are likely going to be times when you make compromises between what is best for your baby and what is best for you. There are going to be times when you want to give your baby a bottle, whether it's because you've decided to return to work, or just because you want to go out for a while without your baby. And either way, it's ok to do that.
For me, after Avery was about six weeks old, I started pumping milk to give her bottles. I was pretty sure I wasn't going to go back to work, but I thought Adam might be able to give her a bottle occasionally at night or in the early morning so I could sleep, or maybe on a weekend so I could go shopping by myself. She drank milk from a bottle ONE TIME. That was it. We tried for months - not every day, but maybe a few times a week or every other week - and she just never wanted to drink from the bottle. Admittedly, we didn't push the issue since we hated seeing her upset or crying when I could so easily just feed her from the breast and she would be happy. Would she eventually have taken a bottle if forced? Probably. But in the end we weren't willing to put her through that. (And her reticence to drink from a bottle, plus my reticence to see her upset, WAS a factor in my decision to stay home. It wasn't the only thing, or even the most important...) After I decided not to return to work, our efforts petered out and I haven't pumped milk in probably six months. The same went with the pacifier. She never wanted it, and we never forced the issue because we were heartbroken to see her cry so pitifully when I could just nurse her (as nature intended) and pacify her. If Avery would have taken a bottle, I would have happily let Adam feed her sometimes. If she had taken a pacifier, I would have probably used it at times - like at night or in the car. (Now I don't mind that she doesn't take a pacifier because I don't have to wean her off it.)
Now I need to wrap this up because my little cave-ling is upset that I'm typing instead of paying attention to her!
Thoughts? Comments? Let me hear them!!
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