I'm still here...

i'm not having the thyroid biopsy procedure done till the 18th - that's the earliest they could get me in unfortunately. despite the fact that i have a 1/3 chance of having cancer, i guess it's not that urgent. whatever. i just wanted to get it over with, but i guess that wasn't in the cards. probably better this way, so i won't have a bruise to try to cover at the wedding.

Letting Go

Yet another chill and solitary (sort of) weekend.

Yesterday was an 8 mile run. I felt pretty good despite having run 7 miles on Friday. This week I will be scheduling my workouts AROUND my long run instead of cramming them in where they seem to fit. I am stubborn and refuse not to train legs in the gym and therefore I must suffer the verge of overtraining. Race is in 3 weeks. I know I am ready to run it now, but I want to feel good on race day and have fun and not worry I will be struggling to finish it. I haven't figured out yet how to post video on the blog here, but check out Julie Moss Competing in the 1982 Hawaii Ironman Triathlon - sheesh. Anyway, today will be a rest day, but I think I will go in to the gym and do some ab work just to get the blood flowing.

Adam and I watched his brother play in K-State football yesterday afternoon... well, I napped on the couch and read Shape magazine (which annoys me to no end because of its fluffy training tips for women). Then we went to see Little Miss Sunshine. It was cute and funny but I can't say fantastic. He is sad. What do I do?

right now I'm trying to focus on being the best, most interesting person I can be and living a full life right now. I can't change the past and I can't affect others' behavior. I can only do ill or well for myself. I am trying for well.

The Existential Crisis

I was not kidding when I said it is perpetual.

I am having a really blah day today. I am filled with a bitter, angry poison. It's like a vise around my heart and a white hot pit in the back of my throat.

Mostly I am angry with myself. Angry with myself for not living the life I want to be living and not knowing really how to change that.

Miles and miles

I had a great run this morning. Seven miles on the Custis and W&OD Trails. It was sprinkling when I started, but it let up and was dry for most of the way. It's pretty dark on the trails in the mornings now. It kind of scares me and I should probably get some reflective gear. There's hardly another soul out there. Just me and the bunnies and Orange Cat, who's always sitting in the middle of the bike trail. I'm pretty sure I'll be ready to run the Army 10-miler in October. The long runs wear me out, but they are addictive.

Waiting....

I guess this weekend was pretty chill since I woke up at about 4:20 this morning ready to go. I made myself lay in bed until the alarm went off, trying to fall asleep again. I should be more tired right now, I have no idea why I am not.

Adam is trying to call me right now. What am I going to do about him........

Amazing the Internet

I'm not sure why I want to keep a blog. It's passe ... stale ... why would anyone want to reveal their secrets to the Internet? What could you possibly say that the Internet hasn't already heard? But here I am typing away on my first post. I used to love to write. I keep a journal (sort of). Well, at least I did until grad school when I basically quit writing anything that wasn't required of me. Now work takes up so much of my time that I don't pursue any creative outlet. This year has been all about my job - getting settled into it (first job), being good at it, commuting to and from it. It's pretty much been a wash in terms of developing interests outside of work. Maybe blogging will inspire me to do something interesting so I can write about it. If nothing else, at least I'll get some insight into the seemingly perpetual existential crisis that is my life!