Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Thoughts and prayers

It seems unreal that this day is upon me now - it had seemed so far away. In spite of the emotional rollercoaster of dealing with a cancer diagnosis, in some way it has all felt unreal - like some bad dream. I am having surgery on Wednesday morning at 9:30 am EST. I am scared and nervous.

But I'm also hopeful and I'm already anxious to get back to my "normal" routine, and to feel like myself again. I know I will never feel like the person I was two months ago, but I trust that this difficult time is a bridge to something else, even something better.

I have been praying most of all for the grace and peace to endure this calmly, and with strength and trust in Light and Goodness. I also pray that after the surgery, the worst will be behind me. It is possible that the cancer has not spread beyond the tumor -- or not much anyway -- and I will have one radiation treatment and be done with the mess. Please hold this thought in your hearts on Wednesday, that it may be so.

Everyone's emails and phone calls have meant so much to me, and I hope you can understand if I have not responded. On the good days I have not wanted to talk about it, as if that might make it less true. On the bad days, it has sometimes been a struggle to remember to breathe, much less speak, even to friends and family. I have felt everyone's prayers and love, truly, and I appreciate everything.

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