Monday, February 12, 2007

I knew it!!!

You Scoundrel! Chris, I knew it was you! You would have been my second guess except that you threw me off thinking you knew Jennifer. It was the vexing part that gave it away… that made me think it was you immediately. I should have gone with the initial gut feeling! I had no idea you were such an eloquent writer – thanks for your nice comments! I’m flattered that you like to check in here. Frankly, I didn’t think you cared one whit about my “thoughts and feelings” – I mean, you barely acknowledged my announcement that I had cancer. You’re such a weirdo!! You’re lurking for months on my blog and you can’t bother to send me an email or give me a ring to see how I’m doing?!! For the record, now that I know you are out there reading, there will be no funny business. No pranks, practical jokes, stealing of scrunchies, staplers in jello molds, etc. I mean it!!

For the benefit of those who don’t know Chris, he’s … well, how shall I describe him? We had a crush on each other in 8th grade, in Germany, although hardly anything ever came of it… probably because I was too shy or inapproachable because I remember he had several girlfriends. But we did used to sit in the back aisle of the library and hold hands for hours (yes, the library – we were/are unabashedly nerdy). Plus we kissed once, in 9th grade on his grandma’s couch in Alabama. That was my first kiss, although I think I lied and told him I’d been kissed before. We’ve remained friends from a distance ever since – keeping in touch sporadically and bumping into each other on occasion. He lives here in DC, but we pretty much never see each other. Maybe because it’s too weird maintaining a close friendship with a former romantic interest – maybe because we just run in different circles – who knows. Anyway, it’s a bit odd that Chris is now surfacing as a reader of my blog!!

In other news, my average heart rate is coming down! This morning I completed 4 miles on the Dread’ in 38:27 with an average HR of 155. That is exciting progress! Plus, I had a really fantastic 5 mile run on the trails on Saturday, in spite of the FRIGID temperatures. I woke up Saturday feeling really good – for the first time in months. I felt motivated and energetic, and I wanted to jump out of bed and get moving (ok, I’m stretching it a little here!). I waffled while staring at weather.com’s forecast for Arlington (27 degrees, feels like 14, winds gusting 15-20 mph) and watching the blue sunny skies out my window about whether I should attempt an outdoor run. I finally decided I needed to feel the wind on my face and bundled up to face the trails. The single digit windchills nearly ruined the experience for me. It was sooooo cold, I could feel the snot freezing on my upper lip and my eyeballs were aching (probably also near freezing). But all in all, it was the best run I’ve had since before the surgery. I really felt good. I was wiped out the rest of the day, though!! That’s the farthest I’ve run in a long time.

So for the most part things are looking up. I definitely feel better. Most of the freaky uncomfortable water retention has even subsided, although I must say that the pants are getting tighter, people. Inflation is gone, but the fatterness cannot be denied. Not sure what to attribute this to, as it’s seemed to come on in the last couple of weeks. Perhaps it is a result of still being a bit hypo… perhaps because I’ve not really been watching how much I’m eating since coming off the low-iodine diet… perhaps a combination. Whatever the cause, the uncoolness of this is beyond. I’m about to have to institute Operation Stop the Fattening, but I really don’t want to have to resort to any drastic measures. The scale is still on the blink, which is probably for the best, but a girl knows when her hips are spreading without stepping on a scale.

I need to go to Target and get a new scale and some new hair products, as I was informed at the salon yesterday that my Pantene that I’ve been using since high school pretty much is making a waxy buildup that will cause my hair to fall out. I’m not sure I believe this entirely, but it did worry me enough to inspire a change in hair care protocol pronto. Oh, and I got my hair cut – chopped off about 8 inches! It looks cute, I think, although Adam had a muted reaction… but I think he just wants my hair to be long forever, all wavy and flowing like a Victoria’s Secret model. It was time for a change! Maybe I’ll take pictures and post them. I have lots of pictures I should get around to posting one of these days soon!!

1 comment:

Chris said...

Hey there!

I never said I knew Jennifer, just that I was flattered. All I had to do was take a look at your friends list on myspace and found her easily enough.

I kept thinking of hints to throw, but each one would have easily given it away. Hmm, how many people could you have held hands with in the library, have stolen your parents cordless phone and called you on it from the street to check the range, or pretended to crash your dad's BMW by driving it off the road and putting on the hazards at night when you were 5 minutes behind me in your car???

In the end, though, I knew you'd eventually figure it was me, and as soon as I read the questions you asked I knew the gig was up. Touche!

I only regret that the last time I called you was when I drunk-dialed you to get you to come out with Paul and Demetri a few months ago. We really did want you to come to Old Town with us, and that was obviously before either of us knew you had cancer.

I still stand by what I said in my first and subsequent postings, though. When I first read your email, I told Erin, and just sat there like "In what kind of F'd up world does Michelle, someone my age, and someone I've known since the 8th grade, have cancer???"

I'm sure people deal with that kind of slug in the gut differently, and you're certainly not the first person I've known to be diagnosed. Still, I just didn't know how to react to the whole thought of it, or what to say. I thought about sending flowers (I do know where you live, or lived), but the whole thing just seems so cliched. I mean, it's like "Umm, hey, sorry this horrible, horrible thing is happening to you, but here are flowers and a funny card to make it better?"

What I should have done, and kept meaning to do, was just send an email with a few words letting you know I got yours, and hoped you recovered from the surgery quickly. Still, I think subconciously I was scared that by reaching out to you I'd be accepting what was going on, and by ignoring it it's like it wasn't really happening. I have a habit of just ignoring things or feelings that I can't or don't want to deal with...

So instead, I did the only thing I knew to do, which was find out exactly what was wrong with you by doing some reading and asking a friend. Honestly, that definitely made me feel better. You may have said this yourself, but it seems that if you're going to have cancer, yours is the kind to have. No chemo, high recovery rates, and a relatively normal lifestyle after you recover.

I'm writing a book here, but as I wrote earlier, I've been lurking on here for months, and enjoy reading what you write, even if it's just about eggbeater farts (Maxine, I too greatly prefer the smell of vanilla perfume. Michelle wrote me letters for a year after that summer, and scented each one with her perfume.)

Finally, I get a kick out of your interest in fitness, especially because I've been there (and I'm trying to get back!). We didn't see each other in college, but I partied way too much, and hit 205lbs and 18% body fat by the end of my junior year (For those that haven't met me, or like Cara or Katie, haven't met me in 10 years or so, I'm 6'1). I went back and from May 12th until July 4th all I did was work a 40 hour week interning at a tech company, and work out. I dropped 40 pounds and 10 percentage points of body fat in less than two months. The key for me was sleep. I was sleeping 10 hours a night to fuel 2 hour workouts every day.

I'll write more about what I'm up to these days later (I'm applying to B-Schools, just finished my Georgetown application last night). I don't know how much socializing you're up for these days, but after reading about how supportive he's been through all of this, I'd love to meet Adam.

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