Stop the Madness!

This week has been crazy! My boss came to me on Wednesday and said, "are you available to go on a trip next week?" Um... "It's to Vienna and Paris." Hell yeah! So I leave on Monday for Vienna! This is my first time traveling internationally for work and I'm a little nervous, but I'm traveling with someone important so we will be staying in the NICEST hotels in the cities and get chauffeured around everywhere! The schedule is also pretty greuling - all day meetings - but I'm going to just hope my energy holds and go for it. Needless to say, I spent the rest of the week scrambling to get everything ready to go on a trip - let me just say that the bureaucracy of the federal government rears its ugly head in no uncertain terms when you are traveling on Uncle Sam's dime! I think there were forms I had to sign just to get to sign other forms!

Speaking of my energy, I had my first appointment with my endocrinologist since my RAI yesterday. Waiting all week for it was so hard, I just wanted the time to come so I could find out what my hormone levels are and get some more medicine!! He is upping my meds, as I suspected. I think that is going to be good and I hope I will feel 100% after a few weeks on a higher dose. My hormone levels are well within the "normal" range, but I still don't feel fantastic, I still get hypo symptoms. Some days I feel really great, but some days are just ick. I know from the Yahoo Thyroid Cancer Support Group that little changes can make a big difference in how someone feels. It's so hard sometimes because I just want to put this all behind me, but I'm constantly reminded in small or larger ways that this is my life now.

That happens a lot when I'm training - it's just not the same as it used to be right now. But I had a revelation that, you know, it's been just two months since I finished up treatment for CANCER. I've been so determined that I wasn't going to let that slow me down, but I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I need to stop dwelling on how things used to be and be realistic about where I am right now. I'm working under different parameters now and my challenges are going to be different than they were before. I can still do the best that I can do, it might just be a different best than before, at least temporarily. I must be moving through the stages of grief! Maybe I'm getting closer to the acceptance stage. But seriously, I need to give myself some time to fully recover. I just had surgery a few months ago for pete's sake, and they removed a VITAL organ, and then I ate poison, and now I have to learn to live with chemicals making up for what my body can no longer do on its own (metabolize... how freaky is that).

And probably, looking back, signing up for a 10 mile race at this time was not the brightest idea. I don't want to be a quitter, so I'm going to run the race anyway, and I don't think I'm doing any major harm (least I hope not) - but I really should probably have given myself at least 3-4 months to recover all the way before I started endurance training. Luckily I've been able to sneak by on only about 10-12 miles a week somehow. There's no way I could be running 30 miles a week like I was doing before the surgery. If I hadn't had that base built up before, I could never be doing this now. No way. I felt like crap when my mileage started to go up a few weeks ago.

Anyway. I ran 9 miles this morning. I really really did not want to, but I made myself. I felt like shit because I woke up with the WORST food hang-over I think I've ever had. I think that's part of this new chemical metabolism I have going on - I feel like utter poo-poo if I eat a lot at once, especially if it's sweets or carb-heavy. My body just doesn't seem to handle the excess anymore. I totally regretted eating so much at dinner last night, but do I feel bad about it? Heck no!! It was my BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION!!! And I had a great time while I was involved with P.F. Chang's and one ginormous piece of cheesecake, plus a chocolate bar afterward. I only regretted it because I woke up with such a terrible headache that persists still as I sit here typing. :(

Obviously I did not want to run, but with the extra carbs, my legs actually felt GREAT and I did not bonk like I did last week. I even ran the hard course!! My time was 1:35:43 - about a 10:30 min mile. Not bad, eh? My HR average was 160 - higher than it's normally been at 155, but to be expected since I ran the more difficult route. It was a strategic choice on which route to run, and I went with the way that is much hillier but has several pit stops with running water, and I availed myself of every one! I've been so parched on the easier route!

So, this week will be a rest week, since I don't think I will get to work out at all while I'm traveling. It will probably do me good!

Oh, and get this madness - y'all are not going to believe this... I work out at a Gold's where the weight room is in the basement. Normally the two sets of doors on either end of the room are left wide open, but lately they started closing them up tight, and they posted a sign that says "By order of the fire marshal, these doors must remain closed at all times when not in use." Finding this confusing, I asked the guy at the desk about it.

Me: Why do the doors have to be shut now?

Guy: In case there's a fire, so they can contain it.

Me: (blink. blink.) Wait. If there's a fire downstairs, won't we want the doors to be wide open so all the people can escape??

Guy: Uh, I don't know, that's just what the fire marshal says...

WTH?? Am I alone in my confusion here or does someone else out there think this is craziness? The only explanation I can come up with is that maybe someone mis-interpreted the meaning of "when not in use" - like maybe it really means when no people are downstairs in the basement, working out.

Every time the doors swing shut behind me now all I can think of is that if there's a fire in there, we will all die in a blazing inferno!!! But the fire? Will be contained.