Adam and I left Avery with Yaya last night to go to a friend's birthday celebration at a restaurant in Chinatown. It was our first evening away from her and even though we were only gone for a couple of hours, I don't think we'll be doing it again soon. She was fine at home, but when we got back and tried to put her to bed, it just was not happening. I have no idea if it was the fact that we threw off her routine by putting her to bed an hour late, or that we were gone, or a combination or something else entirely. After walking her around for an hour an a half myself, and trying unsuccessfully to lay her down in her crib (she kept falling asleep in my arms but waking up crying every time I would lay her down), I was exhausted. I hadn't eaten dinner yet, and had nothing to drink but a glass of wine in the previous three hours, and my contacts were still in so my eyes were like glue. I brought her downstairs and gave her to my mom to try. She did eventually get her down, several hours after her normal bedtime, but then she woke up an hour later and I just got in bed with her. Oh well. Maybe tonight?
I was surprised that I was the only stay at home mama there last night. I did feel excluded from the conversation a few times since there was quite a bit of "shop talk". And one of the things I like the least is the question, so what do you do? I usually just laugh and say, I keep the baby alive. One girl was asking me what I do with my days. It's really not interesting. I hang out with Avery, she takes naps, sometimes we go for walks. We go shopping. We get groceries. We play. I always feel like I'm put on the spot when I get that question, and kind of embarrassed, which is silly because it's not like I'm sitting around watching tv and eating bon bons all day (how I wish).
The thing is, I do miss work, but I don't wish I was doing it. There is nothing I'd rather be doing than parenting Avery. It was admittedly a rough transition for me at times, but I know I am doing the right thing for me and for her. I would be miserable if I was still working. I told Adam last night that I think that's why God gave us Avery the way she is - not a super laid back baby, but one that needs a little extra. I think if she had been an easy baby - slept and napped well, took a bottle, was content to be out of arms - I might have made a different decision about returning to work. It would have been easier to leave her. God shows us our path, but sometimes it's in unexpected ways.