The weekend flew by

Mostly I slept! And no exercise happened yesterday. My lymph nodes in the left side of my neck are feeling tender and swollen. I suspect it's due to the biopsy a week and a half ago, but I'm a teeny bit worried it's something to do with the cancer. So I decided to give myself a good rest day. Why is it that I have MORE of an appetite on a rest day? I might add that Z0ne bars are evil!! They are "healthy" enough that I can convince myself it's ok to eat two - or four! Eek! Sigh. Whatever. I did an easy 10 miles this morning in honor of the Marine Corps Marathon, which was today. The race that is the pinnacle of the running season in this area. The weather was gorgeous, just a little windy. The weekend was too short. I wish there were three days in the weekend!

Evil blogger!

I don't know how to delete a post, and Blogger put this picture up THREE TIMES!!!

Wedding picture

My sister, my mom and I at the wedding.

Runner's Proverb

"The hand that holds the pepper spray will freeze."

For real! Not least because that dang little pleather container and the metal vial conduct heat AWAY from the hand! But what is the point of carrying it if you don't have it ready to use if some predator jumps out of the bushes?! The plight of a runner...

I have not felt like exercising the last 3 days. I am feeling a little run down or emotionally strung out or something. Now that I know the cancer is there, it's like I can FEEL it in my neck, like I'm constantly reaching to see if it's growing into some huge protrusion. I cannot be skipping workouts, they are what keeps me sane. It's the glue that holds my life together, the time when I am most in control, most centered, most focused.

So, Wednesday I went and lifted chest and tris, yesterday I put in 7 miles, and this morning 8. Yesterday's run was great - I wanted to go longer but I had to get to work early. Today, I felt like running ZERO miles! It took me a long time to get warmed up, I felt like I was running through molasses. And I was going to stop at 5, but I started feeling better after the first few miles, so I rode it out. I'm glad I did. No matter how shitty I feel or how badly I want to skip a workout, I unfailingly feel better afterwards.

My digestion has not felt normal since I got back from the wedding... what the heck is up?? I quit the protein powder, and that helped matters, but it's still off. Am I developing food allergies? I eat the same foods all the time, so I guess it's a possibility... I just wish it would stop already!!

Well, I wanted to post a picture of my sister, my mom and I at the wedding, but Blogger is being evil, so I guess it will have to wait!

Finally, going through all this has made me more aware of other people, and just the humanity of it all. So I leave you with this:

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

The good news...

Well, the doctors tell me that this is the best kind of cancer to have, if you're gonna have one. Most people don't die of papillary thyroid cancer. Even the 20 year survival rate is about 95%. Most people with this type of cancer end up dying of something other than the thyroid cancer. They call it a "curable" cancer. Thyroid cancer is very rare in someone as young as me (I'm 26). Even when I went for the biopsy, the radiologist said he didn't expect it to come back positive for carcinoma.

So I will have surgery to remove the tumor, my thyroid, and lymph nodes in my neck. Then I'll undergo radiation (during which I'll have to be isolated in the hospital, since I'll be radioactive! :( ok, that really freaks me out...). I'll have to take thyroid medication for the rest of my life and have yearly scans to watch for recurrence. So this will be a lifelong nuisance, but it most likely won't kill me. After I make it through the next few months, I should be able to live a relatively "normal" life.

I'm still in shock, but I'm feeling ok about it most of the time. I've accepted it, I guess. I mean, I'm terrified, and it's always on my mind, and sometimes I feel like I want to flip out again, or throw up, but .... my prognosis is very good.

I'm really worried about how it's going to affect my lifestyle. How long will I be unable to lift weights, or run? What will it be like being hypothyroid after the surgery? Will I gain 50 lbs? Will I lose my hair? There's no telling until I start the recovery process.

Right now I am trying to find a surgeon. I've been recommended a very good one, but my insurance HMO doesn't cover anyone outside the network. It's open season right now, so I am going to switch to Blue Cross Blue Shield, (I was going to switch anyway, before I was diagnosed) but the change won't take effect until January 1. I'm going to get an appointment with this surgeon and find out if I can delay the surgery until then. It's going to be at least 6 weeks before she can get me in anyways, so it's only a few more weeks. This is evidently a very slow growing carcinoma and I've read that people can wait on surgery in most cases. Of course, waiting till after the holidays, my sanity will certainly be in question!

My friends and family have been a real source of strength for me in this. I'm lucky, and so thankful for that. I don't feel hopeless. Just scared, and shocked. This is one of those things that's like, it'll never happen to me.

Meantime, I'm trying to go about my business. Adam and I went with some friends of ours, a couple who lives in our apt. building, to go hike Sugarloaf Mountain up in Maryland yesterday, and I lifted legs this morning. :) Life goes on, I suppose, even with cancer.

As for Adam...... that's a post for another time.... !!

I have cancer.

The biopsy came back positive for papillary thyroid cancer. I kind of feel like I'm going to throw up whenever I think about it. I was really flipping out when I found out on Thursday, but I've been better the last couple days. I can't say anything more at this point. I'm just overwhelmed.

Easy like Sunday morning

My 10 miler was not bad yesterday. The weather was glorious - the sky was SO blue and everything was so bright and shiny, like a glossy magazine photo. It took my legs forever to warm up, but then it wasn't so bad. Although I was super dehydrated. I stopped at four water fountains! This morning, my legs don't even really feel creaky. I'm debating what to do today... legs plus some cardio?? Probably what I should do... haven't done legs in over a week now. But it would be really nice to go hike Sugarloaf Mountain (5 miles). Hmmmmm.... Now legs and a 5 mile hike would be insane, right?

Get it together!

I really need to get it together. Being out of town at the wedding last weekend really threw me off! I haven't had good things to eat in my apartment because I didn't have time to get to the grocery store. My stomach has been upset all week! At first I was suspecting it was the protein powder, which would be weird since I've been using this brand for about a month now with absolutely no incident. The upset tummy came on really suddenly on Monday and just kind of stuck around. Who knows? It's still not quite normal. And my mom is in town which is nice but also equals more stress. Like she has my car and is staying with my aunt, and I can't get to the grocery if I don't have my car!!! I only use my car on the weekend to drive to errands or the mall. I take metro to work. But I need my car!!!

No exercise happened yesterday. I think my body needed a break, but not exercising seems to make me feel not good. I actually notice my appetite is greater when I don't exercise, and then the next day (like today) I kinda feel like, eh, maybe I won't exercise today either. I think I want to run today. I may do a long run - 10 miles. Just work out all the toxins. But the weather has turned cold now! It's 35 outside, but the sun is shining. I haven't run in the cold yet this year, so it will be interesting to see how I feel. I will need to gauge how much clothing I will have to wear, considering it will be much colder in the morning before sunrise. I need to get some reflective gear, at a minimum. My co-worker says he is going to give me a small knife to carry. I still can't see carrying a knife on my runs!! It seems crazy, and I can't imagine actually using it. Does anyone else do this?

As for losing the last 3-5 lbs (it keeps fluctuating), aaak. I have been struggling to get these last few lbs off ALL YEAR. What is frustrating is that it doesn't seem like my calorie defecit = weight lost. What is up with that? My biggest issue is snacking after dinner, which I think I do because I work out in the a.m. and my mind subconsciously thinks it needs more calories pre-work out. But most of the time, even when I do eat before bed, I still stay under the calories I burn during the day. I guess it could be the thing that is preventing fat loss.

It's like my body just really wants to keep this amount of bodyfat. Because when I regularly eat more, like closer to what I burn daily, I don't gain, I stay the same. But when I eat less, I stay the same too! My goal is to be between 125-130, where I was before I moved up here, and where I felt more comfortable in my skin. Grr. I WILL get there before the holidays.

Now off to enjoy that sunny, brisk morning!

Sigh

Changes

The wedding ended up being so much fun, and it was so great to see old friends and all my family.

As for training, I can't believe how great running is going. Although I am somewhat dreading the cold weather coming. I'm really enjoying running outside. Except for the part about being freaked out that I'm going to get assaulted or abducted. I run in the dark in the very early morning when there are few people on the trails, and my co-worker (whose brother is a cop) tells me I'm insane. He says I should carry a knife and mace and a whistle. About a week ago, I was thinking about it as I ran farther from my apartment and got so freaked out I had to turn around early. I've heard of girls getting abducted in Rock Creek Park, but not on the trail where I run. Eek.

Oh, and I finally reached my goal of 50 full push-ups in a row on Sunday!! Now what???!