You know you’re an addict when….

…. All of the sidewalks between you and the gym are covered in sheets of ice and you head out anyway, knowing that although this means that you are, in fact, insane, you will have the weight room practically all to yourself. Never did I think there would be someone crazier than myself out at that hour of the morning when, lo and behold, I see this guy coming toward me jogging in the slushy mess in the gutter. In shorts. I could not make this stuff up.

Do or do not; there is no try.

Exciting things are happening!! I made an appearance in the weight room yesterday! The Force was not with me. I think my muscles have run off with my taste buds and my saliva. They're all partying it up on the beach in Bermuda, drinking Mai Tai's, eating corn chips and looking sexy in a two piece.

So yesterday was leg day!! Wow. The loss of muscle mass in my legs is shocking, really. The whole time I kept thinking, don't overdo it... Still, I could not resist the magnetic pull of the squat rack. Squats are one of my favorite exercises. (I know, I'm insane.) I did some warm-ups sets and then repped 100# six times (all the while thinking, this is probably overdoing it...). I definitely felt like I had more in the tank, but I figured it's better to leave it there than blow it all the first day. You rarely know if you've overdone it until the next day when you can't sit down on the toilet without holding on to something! I'm not too sore today, so I think I found the balance.

I've started thinking about the Cherry Blossom 10 miler I'm running on April 1. That gives me 10 weeks from now to train for it. Should be about right. I'm planning to vaguely follow Hal Higdon's novice training program for the 15K (the weekly mileage goals anyway), although I probably won't do 5 days of cardio - I'll do 3 or 4 depending on how I'm feeling.

Novice runners: Training for Your First 15-K

Monday Tuesday Wed Thursday Friday Sat Sunday

Week	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	Sun
1	Stretch & Strengthen	2 m run	30 min cross	2 m run + strength	Rest	2 m run	30 min cross
2	Stretch & Strengthen	3 m run	30 min cross	2 m run + strength	Rest	3 m run	30 min cross
3	Stretch & Strengthen	3 m run	35 min cross	2 m run + strength	Rest	4 m run	30 min cross
4	Stretch & Strengthen	2 m run	35 min cross	2 m run + strength	Rest	2 m run	40 min cross
5	Stretch & Strengthen	4 m run	40 min cross	3 m run + strength	Rest	5 m run	40 min cross
6	Stretch & Strengthen	4 m run	40 min cross	3 m run + strength	Rest	6 m run	50 min cross
7	Stretch & Strengthen	3 m run	45 min cross	3 m run + strength	Rest	4 m run	50 min cross
8	Stretch & Strengthen	5 m run	45 min cross	3 m run + strength	Rest	7 m run	60 min cross
9	Stretch & Strengthen	5 m run	45 min cross	3 m run + strength	Rest	8 m run	60 min cross
10	Stretch & Strengthen	3 m run	30 min cross	2 m run + strength	2 m run or rest	Rest	The 15-K

I'll also do 3 days of weight training, two with no cardio. I'll alternate between two splits, either: legs, back/chest/tris, shoulders/bi's/abs/cardio; or legs, back/bi's/abs, chest/tri's/shoulders (cardio on one of the days, depending how my legs are feeling). Obviously I won't be regaining any leg strength until after the race - well, maybe a little, but my legs tend to get overtrained really fast when I log a lot of weekly mileage (cause I'm stubborn and don't allow myself enough rest!), so my leg days will be moderate weights, higher reps - lots of supersets (no rest between exercises).

And I'll probably peak at 10 miles in week 8, I won't wait till race day before actually completing that distance. I'm also skipping week 1... All this depends on how I'm feeling, of course!! :)

So the plan for this week is:

Sun - shoulders/bi's/abs, 2 mi run
Mon - 3 mi run
Tues - legs
Wed - chest/back/tri's
Thurs - 30 min xtrain
Fri - rest/stretch
Sat - 3 mile run

I've thought about a time goal, and while I'd love to try for 1:30, I think 1:40 is probably more realistic given my circumstances. In reality, my goal should be just to complete the race! But that's a given. If I have to walk half of it, I'm going to complete it, there's not a doubt in my mind.

The taste/saliva thing is getting better gradually. My neck hurts where the radioactive iodine was taken up by the remaining thyroid tissue, and my scar hurts too, especially in the morning. Other than that, I keep feeling better every day (for now!).

I have to report that the first couple times out in public after the RAI were strange! I felt really disconnected and out of it. That experience was completely outside the spectrum of "Things That Happen To People" - it was NOT a normal human experience at all! I think my coping mechanisms were a wee bit overwhelmed! But it's like overdoing it in the weight room - you rarely know your coping skills are overwhelmed until after the fact! It's not until you get some distance and start to process what happened that you think, huh, I was totally not dealing at that moment!

I moved around a LOT growing up. My dad was a fighter pilot in the Air Force until last year, and we moved every year or two. I went to three different high schools. Sometimes people ask me, "how do you cope with that?" The answer is, you don't. At least not while it's happening. You just go through it, and it sucks and you grieve and you cry and then time goes by and you meet new people and you learn a new place and your life expands to make room for the new experiences and that's it. When bad stuff is happening, we don't cope - we just breathe and get through it. My mom always used to say to me, "This too shall pass." And inevitably, sometimes unbelievably, it always does.

If your everyday life seems poor, don't blame it, blame yourself. Tell yourself you are not enough a poet to call forth is riches. For the creative spirit, there is no poverty and no poor, indifferent place.
-Rainer Maria Rilke

The Final Battle (In which our heroine receives her Superpowers and faces off with her arch-nemesis, the Mighty Cancer, one on one.)

Phew! Where have I been? Let's see... my primary activities over the last few days, in rough order, have been 1) sleeping, 2) watching tv and movies, 3) talking on the phone. Gasp! I've regressed to adolescence!!! Heh. Seriously, though, fighting battles to the death can really tire a girl out, you know.

Under normal circumstances, eating would have gotten its own 1/3, but alas, I cannot taste food (much or the same). It's awful, I know. Go ahead and take a moment to weep uncontrollably on my behalf - I'll wait. That's better, right? Not that it matters too terribly much, though, because my tummy has been upset anyway. It's "almost certainly" temporary - a side effect of the radioactive iodine. Better be! The RAI concentrates in the salivary glands and they get pretty fried, as does the digestive tract, I'd imagine. Although they told me, you won't have any problems! It's great! Like it's some little magic pill. Except that IT'S POISON! ahem. Minor detail.

Truly, in hospital, I felt pretty much nothing. I was bloated beyond belief and my face puffed up, and I was tired, but otherwise... nothing. I did feel a strange sense of having been poisoned though. Not sick, just a sense that my insides were, in fact, cooking. The whole experience was so surreal and strange. But I'm getting ahead of myself.....

I'll start with the scan.

Adam and I showed up at the hospital at 10:00 for the appointment and they took me right back. I brought my iPod shuffle, so I got situated on the machine and they told me I couldn't move for 35 minutes. This large flat panel camera came down about 1/2 inch from my nose and stayed there for 15 minutes or so, then inched sllloooowwwlllyy down the rest of my body. No big deal. When I got up I could see the picture on the computer, with a really bright spot in my throat. That made me a little nervous. Then off to a different machine that took a close up of my head, neck and chest - 20 minutes. My neck was starting to hurt from laying with a pillow under my shoulders, but otherwise the whole thing was nothing. This time, the computer showed three big blotches in my neck. I started to get more anxious about the results at that point. I had two more scans to go. They did a 20 minute pinhole view of my throat, and a 20 minute picture on the first machine with two of the flat-screen cameras literally squashing my arms/shoulders together to get the sides of my neck/head. That was it. At that point it was nearly 2:00 in the afternoon! Poor Adam...

The Results.

The doctor called us back to their little computer command center and put me on the phone with my endocrinologist. He broke the news to me that they wanted to go ahead and admit me for 100 mci dose of RAI. That's a small dose in thyroid cancer terms, but 3x as much as they were originally thinking. I was upset, but I tried to just let it roll off my back. I kind of began to suspect that when I saw the three blotches on the one picture.

Hey, the fun never stops in Cancerland! Always a new surprise waiting around the bend! And honestly, from the moment of my diagnosis up until I saw my endocrinologist two weeks post-surgery and found out he wanted to do an outpatient dose, I was planning for hospitalization anyway, so I guess it didn't come as too much of a shock. I wouldn't have felt like a full-fledged member of the Thyroid Cancer gang if I'd missed out on the isolation in hospital experience! (Behold my positive attitude! See how I talk myself into things!)

There were five areas of uptake in my neck and one, oddly, in my face. The doctor said that the chances of it being an actual metastasis in my bone was very, very unlikely. (Great.) He thought it was probably just - ahem - snot that took up the tracer dose. Back in my neck, there was one big, bright area and four little ones. Probably all left over NORMAL thyroid cells. BUT... with only a small dose of RAI, that big bright spot would probably absorb all of it and leave nothing for the four other spots or the one in my face, and they had to be sure and nuke those in case there was any cancer cells floating around in there. Even one little cancerous cell will eventually turn into a tumor. Fry 'em all, I say!

Ok, so let's get this party started. (What follows is really long!)

Getting ready for hospitalization.

Unlike some people, I had not been planning to go into the hospital, so we had to scramble around getting things together after we left the appointment. We had instructions for what to expect and I wanted to get things to bring in with me. It was all stuff I knew about already mostly, since I'd been preparing for it from the diagnosis. Adam and I were supposed to check in at 10:00 and after all the processing, etc., they would probably dose me at about 1:30. Adam could stay with me until that point, then I would need to be isolated - no visitors, no leaving the room.

Once I got to the room, I would need to change and put away everything I wanted to bring with me when I left. Anything I wore/used while in hospital had to be abandoned there because it would be contaminated. I asked about my glasses and they said those would be ok, we could just wipe them off before leaving. I also asked if I could have my cell phone in a ziploc, expecting him to say no, but he said that was ok too. I was to stay on the LID. I would need to drink plenty of fluids, and suck on candy every 30 minutes or so to make me salivate (since the RAI concentrates in the salivary glands, you want to keep it moving and not let the radioactivity just build up there). I was also supposed to take FOUR showers through the day/night!! I asked if I could bring old clothes to wear and a styrofoam cooler of food/drinks. That was fine too.

Here's what I brought with me:

1) Styrofoam cooler. I froze 6 bottles of water to keep the food cold, and packed chicken, lots of fruit (apples, apricots, blueberries, prunes), hard boiled eggs, a salad in a disposable tupperware, a bag of walnuts, and a bunch of cut up veggies (zucchini, yellow squash, baby carrots, tomatoes).

2) Water. I didn't want to worry about having to wait for someone to bring me water if I got thirsty. I brought 6 additional .5 ltr bottles of water in with me. They had stocked the room with about 8 large cups of ice water already too.

3) Old sweats. I found an old pair of warm pj pants, which were essential because they told me they didn't have any pants for me once I got there. I wore the hospital gowns over them, which was good because they gave me a big stack of them and I could change it every time I showered. I wore two at a time - one tying in back, one in front. I was really cold while hypo, and the temp had dropped too, so I was really glad I had pants! Adam donated an old sweatshirt from college that looked like it was already radioactive - it was BRIGHT Big Bird yellow! I also brought several old pairs of socks and underwear.

4) Sugar free candy. Jolly ranchers. The candy made me sick, probably partly because I'm sensitive to fake sugar, but also because I had to eat two an hour (yuuuuck). I also brought a ziploc baggie of baking soda for warm water rinses for the salivaries, but I didn't end up using it because my salivary glands didn't bother me at all in the hospital. Not till I got home. They got sore and swollen on Friday, and yesterday my mouth dried up and I lost my sense of taste. Today they are feeling much better, although the dry mouth/taste issue is persisting.

5) Travel size toiletries. Cheap toothbrush, toothpaste, Dove super moisturizing body wash, and super hydrating conditioner & shampoo. Also two travel size bottles of lotion. I knew my skin/hair was going to be done after 4 showers. I also had to wash my hands three times every time I used the toilet.

6) Magazines. I can't focus my attention longer than a commercial right now, so books are out of the question. Magazines are perfect and I brought in a pile.

7) Tylenol and Tylenol PM, even though they said they'd give me Tylenol if I needed it. Again, didn't want to wait on a nurse if I needed it!

Getting settled in at the hospital.

We got to the room and I changed and unpacked and we waited. Everything was covered in plastic or plastic backed padding - the floor, the bed, the pillows, the door handles, the light switches - everything. There was a huge stack of towels, washclothes, gowns, some toiletries, and the water waiting for me. I put my cell phone in the ziploc bag. The nurse came to check me in, then the nuclear safety tech came to explain everything to me and go over the precautions for after I left.

While I was in the hospital, the radiation was at its highest, so I had to flush three times, wash my hands three times, and take four showers. Once I left the hospital, I had to stay more than 3 feet away from people if we were going to spend more than an hour at a time together, for a few days. No sharing spit or any other bodily fluids for a week after - especially the saliva has particularly high levels of radiation. Avoid children and pregnant women. (No problem). Flush/wash twice for a few days. All body fluids - tissues, etc, in the loo NOT in the bin!

Getting my Superpowers!

The nuclear medicine doctor and his two techs, plus two nuclear safety techs came back about 1:30 and explained everything again. I signed on the line and everyone left while I gave Adam one last hug & kiss goodbye :( . The two nuclear med techs wheeled in this metal lock box. One of them pulled out a lead pill container and from that a glass vial, with tongs. He dumped the pill in a little paper cup and they literally bolted from the room before I had a chance to even swallow it!

A couple minutes later, the nuclear safety techs came back and walked in the room and right up to me. I asked if they weren't scared cause the other guys ran away! They said, "We know the real deal." Although they were getting some radiation exposure right next to me, as long as it was only for a minute or two, or if they were more than 3 feet away, the level wasn't dangerous. They measured me with a Geiger counter - 102.9 mci. I had to be at 14 to leave the hospital. They would come back at 8:30 the next morning to measure again and hopefully I could go home then.

Isolation

I had to wait 2 hours to eat or drink anything. I hadn't eaten since breakfast so I was pretty hungry and the waiting was hard! At 4, the nurse called and said I could eat and did I want my tray? I said I just wanted some utensils and some hot water for tea. She met me at the door to hand off what turned out to be a cup of spoons and a tiny dixie cup of hot water. Um... ok.

I refueled, popped a candy, and took my first shower. Read, watched tv, drank water. Ate candy. She called back at 5:30 wanting to know if I wanted my dinner tray. I wasn't even hungry anyway, but I planned on eating my own food so I said no.

The night nurse came back at 8:00 to try to give me the dinner tray I didn't really want, but she said "just try it" and there were some fresh strawberries so I took it. Let me tell you, it was a darn good thing I brought my own food because the only thing they brought me that I could have eaten on the LID (including at breakfast) was fruit. The other items were cottage cheese, milk and a little bowl of soup I have no idea how they prepared. The bad part is no food can leave the room after I take it, so I spent some time flushing cottage cheese and soup down the toilet. Then I ate the food I brought with me for dinner, more candy, and took my second shower.

By that point, I was starting to swell up and my face looked puffy. I didn't want to shower again! I got into bed and put a pillow over my head at 10:30 or so, and managed somehow to fall asleep for a couple hours. I had to pee at 12:30, which is a pain because of the whole flush/wash thing. I managed to fall asleep again somehow, but the nurse was back at 2:30 to wake me up to drink water, shower and eat more candy (barf!). Eating candy and showering in the middle of the night SUCKS.

The next morning...

I slept again till about 5:30, when I normally get up, and then just lay there wondering if I should wake up or what. Finally I decided surely they would bring me a coffee from the nurse's station, so I got up. They laughed in my face (well over the phone) - no coffee, breakfast not till 7:30. I got irritated because I found it very hard to believe there wasn't coffee cooking somewhere nearby for people who stay up ALL NIGHT.

At 6:30 I decided to eat my breakfast and as soon as I finished, the nurse came in the room. She just walked right in and grabbed my arm and started taking my blood pressure! I was shocked! I said, "you know I'm radioactive, right?" She just laughed and said, "Yeah, have you seen the outside of your door?! Your levels have dropped off a lot by now." I asked her for tea and she said she'd bring some. She didn't bring it till almost 8:00. I asked for breakfast/coffee at 7:30 and they didn't bring that to me till almost 9:00.

The whole coffee thing really had me fuming - I couldn't believe I didn't get fed and couldn't get a coffee until 9:00!!! In fact, it was the nuclear safety guy who finally brought me my tray after he measured my radioactivity!! If I hadn't had my own food and was just sitting there starving, I think I would have lost it - I was already over-emotional from hyponess and the whole isolation experience!

Free to go!

The nuclear safety tech had called at 7:30 and said to get a shower and they would be there in an hour. I showered AGAIN and ate some more candy (did I mention how barfy this was???) They were right on time - 8:30. Measured me with the Geiger counter - I was at 6.4. From 100 the day before. So it falls really fast out of your system. He told me I could leave and went over all the precautions with me again.

Adam called at 9:00 and I said, "please come get me NOW and bring me some DAMN COFFEE! Please." He was there by 9:30, coffee in hand - bless his heart - and went off to argue with the nurse. Of course there was some mix-up with my discharge paperwork (of course). My endocrinologist called and told me instructions AGAIN and said I could leave! Thank GOD!

I changed back into the clothes I arrived in, gathered my cell phone and we left. It was strange walking out of the hospital - all those unknowing people! I tried to stay as far away from anyone I passed as possible. I sat in the back seat on the opposite side of Adam and he drove me home. I've never been so happy to come home in my LIFE. I had prepared my apt - set aside the pillows and blankets from the couch that couldn't be washed in the machine, pulled up the bath mats and made a little sitting area on the opposite corner of the living room for Adam. He stayed with me about an hour and then went off to get himself ready to work the weekend day shift.

Home but not home free.

I started feeling poorly at that point. I was really tired, and my salivary glands started to hurt. I just took a nap, then lay on the couch until bedtime. Yesterday I felt pretty much the same, but my mouth went dry and I couldn't taste the same as before. I was getting worried and just wanted it all to be over with, but it felt like things were getting worse!!

This morning I started my thyroid hormone again, and I really feel better already. My salivary glands feel better already, and my tummy too.

I go back in on Tuesday for another whole body scan, then I won't have to worry about it again for a year!!

I am SOOO glad that is behind me now and I can concentrate on getting back to NORMAL!!

Scan Day

Well, I have made it to scan day and hopefully the final hours of being off my thyroid meds!! Wheee! Everything's on track to go get my scan and hear the good news! The last few days have been rough. The fog has gotten worse, as has the fatigue. My spirits are still up though - I haven't succumbed to depression or couch surfing as my primary activity - and it's still not as bad as I was imagining before I had to go through it, but it definitely sucks.

Yesterday Adam drove me to the hospital to get my tracer dose of radioactive iodine. The nurse brought it out in a lead pill container and handed me a little vial with a gunmetal colored pill in it. You can't handle it or your hand will be "hot"!! I swallowed it down and we left. There's no danger to others with that small amount, it's just enough to light up things on the scan.

We go back today at 10:15 to start the scan, which takes several hours. They do a whole body image and several images of my neck and chest. Then they will read the results with us and decide how much RAI to give me. I'm really hoping I don't have to be admitted to the hospital for a big dose!!

Hopefully I will get the outpatient dose this afternoon and Adam will drive me home! I'll sit in the backseat on the opposite side and try to contain myself. Hehe. :)

I did go in to work on Monday and I'm glad I did cause they needed me, but I only stayed for a few hours and didn't come back yesterday. I'm just not mentally there enough to be useful!! On the fitness front, I've aimed for 30 minutes of "activity" daily at the gym - light weight lifting, easy cardio, stretching. I wish I'd planned better for the yoga, it would have been a good thing to add to the days, but it just didn't happen.

I'm so glad this day is here!

Think I'm ready to stop being hypo???

Last night I dreamed I was taking my thyroid homone pills!!! I was just gobbling them up one after the next! Then suddenly I realized I was supposed to be off them for the scan on Wednesday, and I'd have to be hypo again for two more weeks!! LOL! Truly, this is disturbing, but oh so funny! :)

Fitness Conditioning

My boyfriend Adam is a Navy officer. Naval officers, like all other military officers, have to undergo periodic fitness tests to see that they are maintaining physical abilities. It's pretty simple, akin to what they made us do in junior high - run 1.5 miles for time, do as many sit ups as you can in 2 minutes, and do as many push ups as you can in 2 minutes. There are also bodyfat/weight measurements and requirements. There are minimum scores to reach or you fail your fitness test. Some people try to "max out" the fitness test by getting the highest possible score. For females age 20-29, max scores are: 105 sit ups, 48 push ups, and run 1.5 mi in 9:47.

Incidentally, that is why I was training to do 50 push ups in a row and 105 sit ups before my surgery!! I just wanted to see if I could theoretically max out the fitness test. I had gotten up to 50+ push ups and hadn't worked too much on the sit ups. I was about to start training for pull ups - I wanted to do at least 10 in a row from a dead hang (and going all the way back down in between). I could do 6. Now I can do one (or last Wednesday I did one... well, I did three, but one at a time!!)

If you fail the Navy fitness test - (for men that means fewer than 46 sit ups, 37 push ups and slower than 13:30 on the run; females it's fewer than 46 sit ups, 16 push ups and slower than 15:30 run) - you have to go to training sessions until you can pass. (Standards are here.)

This week, Adam will be leading one of these training sessions!! He always max-es out the test and his commander "volun-told" him to be a fitness coordinator for the fitness test. He says it's more a burden they stuck a junior officer with than an honor, but they wouldn't have given it to someone not in great shape, I told him!!

I was helping him come up with some functional training ideas to help with sit ups and push ups. Core strength is really important for both, so I recommended bodyweight squat variations like one-legged squats (no equipment will be available), the plank and variations, and burpees. As for any exercise, at the end of the day, you get good at the exercises you train for, so that just means doing a ton of push ups and sit ups!!! By the way, Alwyn Cosgrove has a great article on the Top 10 Tips for Athletic Conditioning.

Wish I could join in the fun, but I'll be radioactive!!

Common Hypothyroid Symptoms

So far this hypothyroid experience has not been as bad as I expected. These are some common hypothyroid symptoms and I highlighted the ones that I've experienced so far, a week off my meds - although the symptoms weren't sudden, or all at once.

Early symptoms:

• Weakness
• Fatigue
• Cold intolerance
• Constipation
• Weight gain (unintentional)
• Depression
• Joint or muscle pain
• Thin, brittle fingernails
• Thin and brittle hair
• Paleness

Late symptoms:

• Slow speech
• Dry flaky skin
• Thickening of the skin
• Puffy face, hands and feet
  
• Decreased taste and smell
• Thinning of eyebrows
• Abnormal menstrual periods
• Swelling
• Bloating
  
• Hoarseness

What's this Hypo/LID all about??

I thought I'd attempt a little explanation about what this hypo/LID stuff is all about, since I realize I never really said anything about it. You might remember that the pathology report from my surgery showed that the tumor had not spread to any surrounding tissues or lymph nodes and I was diagnosed with Stage 1 disease, which, especially because I'm young, is the best case scenario. I expect to have a full recovery this year, and thyroid cancer will be nothing more than just a blip on my radar screen, and a minor nuisance for the rest of my life!! I am very lucky!! It's not an aggressive cancer and we caught it early.

I'm in the next phase of treatment right now - radioactive iodine (RAI). The thyroid is the only tissue that absorbs the RAI, which makes it a convenient way to kill off any remaining cancer cells that might be floating around inside me. In preparation for the RAI, I'm off my thyroid replacement hormone right now, which means any thyroid cells I have left are frantically active, trying (in vain, I might add) to produce enough thyroid hormone for my body to use.

Since the thyroid regulates the body's metabolism and use of energy, without a thyroid everything slows waaaay down. Basically my body just can't use the food energy I take in to function and all my organs are struggling mightily to carry on! Including the brain - I've turned into a total space cadet!! :) I don't feel as bad as I expected to though. Some people can't peel themselves off the couch. I've managed to stay active, and even though I'm fatigued constantly, the activity actually helps.

But it's necessary to do this because we need the thyroid cells to be active so they will show up on my whole body scan (WBS). Another thing that helps the process is a special low iodine diet that I have to follow (mainly I can't eat dairy, seafood or sea based products, any processed foods, or iodized salt - yes, that means LOTS of fruit and veggies!). But it's important because the thyroid cells will be depleted of any iodine (where the body stores it) and when I ingest the radioactive stuff, they'll suck it up like a dry sponge. Then they'll eventually die off because... well, they binged on radioactive iodine (and good riddance!).

So next week on Wednesday I will go in for my WBS, which takes all day pretty much, and depending on where they see remaining cancer cells, they will decide how large a dose to give me of the RAI. The expectation is that they will not see much and I'll get a small outpatient dose on Wednesday and be sent home to be in semi-isolation for a few days since I'll be radioactive and don't want to expose others. If they see more than expected, I will get a larger dose and need to be admitted to the hospital for total isolation. I'm really praying and keeping my fingers crossed that it's the former, although even if it is the latter, it doesn't change my prognosis, just the treatment.

As soon as that's over, I can start taking my thyroid hormone, stop the special diet, and start feeling "normal" again!! I can't wait. Plus I will know that I am cancer free. Please think good thoughts for me next week!

More Hilarity in Hypo-land, (In which the Universe plays a series of cruel jokes ...)

This is what I saw when I got to my office yesterday morning! Haha! The jokers...


I stayed at work till 5-5:30 Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Wednesday and Thursday were fine, but Friday was haaarrrd. I was really frayed yesterday for some reason. But I had to be there, there was just too much to tie up before possibly not being at work at all next week. Three people of our 4 person team (including myself) will be gone next week! Eek! I told the loner I would try to come in for at least half days Monday and Tuesday but I couldn't make any promises. It can be really super stressful when people aren't there and I don't know if I could handle the demands!! I think part of the reason Friday was so hard was because I had to talk to a lot of people around the building as opposed to staying in my office handling phone calls/emails, etc. People would be talking to me and I'd find myself just watching their face and thinking, what did you just say to me? Nod & smile.... !! That and the rain... always lovely when you walk to work in the rain!!

Oh, and in possibly the most hilarious thing that's happened to me at work... ever... yesterday I got locked in the bathroom. I kid you not. The lock would not retract and I was stuck in the stall. I was like, I'm hypo and on my last thread here and I'M LOCKED IN THE STALL??? You've got to be kidding me, Universe, this has got to be some kind of cruel joke! I tried to budge the screw with the pendant on my bracelet, and contemplated getting on the ground to crawl under... yuck. I stood there for several minutes wondering how long I'd have to wait before someone came along (I admit it was kind of nice to just stand there and do nothing - :) ). Finally, in a moment of inspiration, I started jiggling the door frame and was able to muster the strength to give way for the door to open without the lock retracting. It never ends.

That was not nearly as bad as what happened to me on Thursday as I was on my way home. It was the Abominable Trip From Hell. Despite the squillions spent on DC's metro system, it occasionally does not work. (Shocking, I know.) And my normal 30 minute commute (which includes 20 minutes of walking) can take more than an hour. Like on Thursday - an hour and 20 minutes from door to door. There was some mechanical problem and they were operating the trains manually and it took FOR.EV.ER to get out of the district and into VA. Like what normally takes 2 -3 minutes from the last stop in DC to the first stop in VA took 40. (And might I remind you there is A RIVER between DC and VA - and we're talking about metro here... underground...) And when the trains are backed up like that, they are PACKED because more and more people leave work to go home and there's just no way to move them off the platform. Luckily I got on the first train, but we were like sardines. I was wedged in so tight I didn't even have to hold on, it was that close. And hot. I was just sweating in my winter coat. I? Was Deeply Distressed.

Here I am, wedged claustrophobically in between three sweating men, stuck UNDER THE POTOMAC RIVER in a dark tunnel for an interminable and indefinite period of time, and by the way, I'm hypo. I was freaking out. Really. I thought I was going to pass out or throw up - or worse, both. If I had passed out, no one would have even noticed because I wouldn't have fallen over, I would have just been slumped there wedged in until the train finally got to the station. I felt pretty ill. I kept thinking, if I start to feel worse, I'm going to tell that guy there I'm going to be ill and I need to sit and hopefully he will ask someone to give me a seat! I wanted to cry. It was awful. Even the sane and normal people were looking strung out.

One more thing... all the people who go to the gym in the morning for cardio without brushing your teeth? (You know who you are!) ... How can I say this nicely? What is wrong with you?!!! Ew, don't you know I'm only a couple feet away on the next machine over and I can smell your stinky morning breath since you're huffing and puffing all over the place?! Honestly!! One of the reasons I dislike gym cardio... you're completely held captive there on the machine to the smells. If someone comes along with bad b.o. or - God forbid - farts, (once is bad enough, but if you have to keep doing it, GET OFF THE MACHINE!!) - you're stuck! It's not like you can hold your breath! I'm just sayin'!!

Thank goodness the weekend is here!

Too hypo to dream up a clever title!

I’m not quite sure what I did all day at work yesterday, but I was at work, and I was busy all day! It was a lot better than I thought it was going to be. I don’t have one of those jobs where I can sit at my desk and work quietly; there’s constantly people and emails and new things that demand my attention, often on short deadlines, so I was really worried that I would be totally overwhelmed, but it turned out ok.

I’m back at work today, and I actually feel better today than I have been feeling. I think my body found a reserve of thyroid hormone or something! Or maybe I’m just getting used to feeling like this? I don’t feel quite as spaced out. I was getting a little worried that my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) levels wouldn’t be high enough to do the RAI next week, but I just talked to the nuclear med nurse and she said it would be fine. They like the TSH to be 25-30, but she said as long as it’s in the 20’s they will proceed. (Normal range for TSH is 0.1 – 3!!)

So, I have the attention span of a goldfish and the metabolism of a napping snail, but other than that, I really don’t feel too bad. I’m a little lightheaded sometimes, and exercising is not there, plus I’m overly emotional at times and my digestion is, um, slow. But no headaches or extreme fatigue so far. I’ve noticed the brain fog is more pronounced when I’m doing anything new. As long as I’m in familiar environments (my apartment, my neighborhood, even the gym and my office) and doing familiar things, I’m ok. But when my brain has to process new things – or things I don’t encounter every day – it just goes into overload!

I did some light weight lifting (legs) this morning at the gym. It felt really good to work out. I can tell there’s no juice, but I’m able to lift just fine. It’s better than the cardio, really, because I’m using light weights and it’s less physically demanding. Yoga is an excellent idea – unfortunately the classes at my gym are pretty late in the evening. I can probably try on Sat/Sun. Maybe I can dig up a yoga video I vaguely remember buying a few years back thinking I would use it in the evenings as a supplement to my work out routine (I think I used it once). Flexibility is definitely an area I should put more energy into! It’s strange that I feel motivated to exercise, I don’t feel too tired to do it, and it’s enjoyable while it’s going on, but there’s just a disconnect between my brain and my muscles. Weird to experience.

Yesterday I did 20 minutes of easy cardio on the EFX machine, then decided to pedal on the bike for 10 minutes. Frankly, it was hilarious – I was on the bike, going at level 4 at about 40 RPMs and suddenly I’m like, Huh? What’s going on? Oh yeah, pedaling on the bike… LOL! J I’m such a space cadet. Yeah, I forget what I’m up to half the time these days! On the plus side, my heart rate is not pegged anymore. Pedaling felt like I was going up a really big hill, even though I wasn’t out of breath and my heart rate was only 128. (Last week at one point I was walking uphill and it was over 170! The little HRM was beeping like crazy.) Partly I think it’s cause I’m really not workin’ that hard, but I think being off the cytomel has a lot to do with it too.

At any rate, I think it’s been really beneficial to my whole hypo experience to try to keep a normal routine, and at least show up for some exercise every day. It boosts mood and energy levels, improves my spirits and outlook, reminds me that I have something to look forward to (LOTS of fitness to regain!), and keeps things moving in the metabolism/digestion area.

The LID is fine. That million dollar chicken from Wegman’s really does taste better. Even Adam said that it looks different than regular chicken – it’s this pristine white color! And I’m actually really enjoying all the fruits and vegetables, as egg white omlettes for breakfast is making me eat more of those!

Getting close now! Almost a week down…

Keep On Keepin' On

I know the five of you who care have been sitting at your computers all day, clicking the refresh button, waiting to find out whether I've collapsed in a hypo-induced stupor yet. Fear not! I am well. I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, although it probably won't be sudden - I will just gradually feel more and more like a dishrag as time goes on. :)

I even went out and bought a vacuum since mine's on the blink. It is tempting to use the excuse that I'm just to hypo to do any housework though! :) So I opened up the box this morning thinking I was going to run it real quick before I headed to the gym. Ha. On top there was a little baggie of screws and a card that said, "Let us help you assemble your vacuum cleaner!" with a phone number. A more clever person might have seen these clues as ominous foreshadowing and closed it up right then and there. Not I!! Can't be too hard...!

I pulled it out of the box and it looked nothing like a vacuum. It looked like a disassembled rubics cube. It looked like this:


Where's the vacuum part, you might ask. Can I just say to all the people in China who work at appliance packing plants: Just how do you get stuff in the boxes like that?! Honestly. Upon seeing what lay between me and clean floors, I wanted to say hell with this and return it for one that comes already resembling a vacuum for the most part, but I didn't think I'd be able to get it all back in the box. I actually had to read the instructions to assemble the thing (course that could be blamed on the brain fog...). It took 20 minutes to put it together!!

Speaking of the brain fog, it is alarmingly difficult to concentrate. And it gives me a headache. My energy levels are even lower than they were before, but I just keep on keepin' on... it's better to try to stay active, I think. It sucks because it's not like I'm just worn out and I'm going to wake up feeling better tomorrow. I will probably feel worse tomorrow! Let's not speak of it... I lifted shoulders and abs this morning, plus 20 minutes of cardio. That didn't feel too bad. I also did some work with the foam roller and lots of stretching. For some reason my hamstrings are wound up so tight they feel like they are going to snap!

I spent the afternoon walking around the Fair Oaks mall. Being in there made me feel really dazed & confused - there's just sooo much stimulation! Egads. I bought a new pair of Asics running shoes since I suspect my tendinitis problem is due to the heel box on my Nike's being too big. I love new work out gear!!

Back to work tomorrow... we'll see how that goes! Metro is going to be an absolute nightmare.

A Grand Adventure

Yesterday evening I met my cousin Cara and her husband Matt for a drink to celebrate (it was their wedding I went to back in October). They just moved here, which is pretty cool because we're the same age and Cara and I have always been really close friends. I was the very first grand-baby on both sides of my family, and she was born only 6 months after me. Our dads are identical twins, so we've pretty much grown up together, and we used to say we were technically half-sisters since we share the same DNA from our dads - that was before we learned about biology :) . But we DO look freakishly similar (as do my sister and I - we are mistaken for twins all the time). At the wedding, several people mistook me for the bride!! I guess we don't look that similar in this picture, but here's the three of us at the wedding. I just noticed that I totally have visible sports-bra tan lines and it looks like my dress is about to fall off in this picture!! Oh well, Katie and Cara look great.

I called it an early night and came home about 8:00. Adam is working the night shift this week, so he wasn't around... I rang in the New Year solo! But I was in bed by 10 and it was really no big deal to me. I got completely absorbed in this Discovery channel program about climbers ascending Mt. Everest, including the first man with no legs to make it to the summit, Mark Inglis. He lost his legs in a climbing accident and has two prosthetic limbs from the knees down. It was so amazing. I love stuff like that - adventures and physical challenges. It made me want to have an adventure of my own. I haven't done anything really adventurous in a long time - I've been so focused on my education and work the last few years (which I suppose is a big adventure in its own way!). I think it's time for a grand adventure! I've been feeling restless in that way since my cancer diagnosis. Not sure what yet, but I know there is a lot to look forward to in 2007! It's going to be a *great* year! I'm sure of it.

As for how I'm feeling on Day 3 off my meds... I am hesitant to even talk about it cause I don't want to jinx it, but I feel pretty darn good. Not great, but not bad either. I had a difficult time falling asleep last night - who knows why - but my mind kept churning and mulling and wouldn't quiet down. I kept thinking, I'm still not falling asleep... is this hypo-insomnia?? what if I can't sleep for two weeks?? what if I wake up feeling awful tomorrow?? etc... I did eventually fall asleep. So far my only symptom is mild lightheadedness, especially when I stand up, the world goes black momentarily. I had a couple of really spacey moments yesterday, but for the most part, I feel the same as I did on Friday. Oh, I hope it stays like this!!

I lifted chest, back and tris yesterday. It was a short, easy workout, but it was the same routine I did for those muscles last week. I felt a little shaky and lightheaded - almost like I was hypoglycemic - but the weights seemed to go up just fine. Today I went in for 30 minutes on the step machine and that went off just fine too. I didn't feel hugely energetic or like I wanted to do much more, but it wasn't much trouble to complete. Obviously I am not going to push myself at all, but I think it helps to stay active. Here's me pulling a dorky flex a few days ago (yeah, you like the sweat stain on my sports bra, right?! My biceps are definitely smaller... :) You can't even see the bandage over my scar - it is the same color as my skin. It's a Neosporin Scar Strip, recommended by my surgeon.


As for the diet, that's going fine too. I cooked some of that million-dollar chicken yesterday with some fresh basil, garlic, fresh tomatoes, non-iodized salt, and olive oil. I also had some fresh pork with herbs de provence, balsamic vinegar, olive oil and non-iodized salt. So basically I had to go out of my way a little, but I would have eaten similar things anyway. I also had a bunch of egg whites - I've eaten over a dozen in 3 days - fresh fruit (apple, peaches and blueberries), baby carrots, a huge salad with balsamic vinegar and oil, and several servings of unsalted walnuts. I generally try to eat like this most of the time anyway... I should note that treats are allowed and there are LOTS of dessert recipes in the Thyca LID cookbook - even for chocolate chip cookies and homemade breads. If I had a family I would probably try some of them out, but it's just me so it's easier to keep it simple. I stopped taking the astragalus herbs and acidophilus since I can't tell what's in them, but I'm still taking vitamin C and flax oil.

I went and picked up my real thyroid meds yesterday, even though I can't take them until after the RAI. It makes me feel better somehow knowing they are there and I could (theoretically) take them any time I wanted to.

Happy New Years everyone!!