Friday, July 27, 2007

everything happens for a reason...

i have to grumble about my foot... i have metatarsalgia, kinda like plantar fascitis except in the ball of your foot, where the middle toe rubs around on the fat pad, mine is inflamed somehow and it makes walking/running painful. it is going away slowly though, feeling better every day. now i just have to not be an a$$ about it and go out and run 5 miles like i want to. i have no idea really how this happened to me - in April i ran a 10 mile race with no problem and suddenly i get foot injury with no real cause evident.

i am feeling super emotional today it is my last day at my real job before passport duty and i must leave my work (that i am passionate about) behind for the next 8 weeks... AND work saturdays for the rest of the summer
AND the last article in Oprah mag that I read this morning was all about one of her golden retrievers dying i was almost bawling but it was about how she realized that her dog's death was a gift just like her life and she learned from it...

i need to think on that one as i have to ask god what i am meant to learn from having cancer so young and the other experiences in my life, they seem to be piling up things not really going how i would like them to and i need to ask god, what are you trying to show me right now?

- cancer and all that nonsense
- craziness with having to change bc pills, then stopping them
- my foot injury which seems to take away many things i love (running, walking)
- my work is getting taken away, even though temporarily, and i have to sacrifice my saturdays to do repetitive boring monotonous work (this is not what i studied my ass off in grad school to do!)
- my bf is moving to hawaii in early october, that is coming up fast

it really seems too much for one person in just 8 months to handle, but i know there is a reason these things are coming into my life and i just don't know what yet - am i supposed to do something? do something different? just wait it out, ride the storm and then suddenly i will break through the curtain?? i do not ask god why why me. not even for a minute. because why not me? i feel so lucky that these are my vanilla sufferings and i am not living in a war zone or starving or or or... but this is not the life i imagined at the moment. i nkow it will pass, as all things, this too shall pass (my mom always says), but can't help wondering if it's some karmic thing that needs me to do something that i wish i knew what it was.......

tgif, y'all, that's all i got to say!

1 comment:

Sara said...

Hey! You linked to me! That's rad. :) I'll do the same! See ya in the PN forums!