Where have I been and Confession time

Can someone please tell me why in heck I am still sitting here in my pajamas at 11:30 on Sunday morning, unshowered, after not moving from this same position all day yesterday? I really need to get going and get some groceries and do some housekeeping. The filth is starting to accumulate and the cupboards are bare.

Sorry I have been MIA from the webz! Last week I was in an immersion seminar at the National Defense University for 'emerging leaders' in the weapons of mass destruction field. It was an interesting week. Long days and lots of deep thinking, plus the stress of being out of my routine, waking up an hour earlier than usual and getting home an hour or more later than I'm used to... I have to say I was pretty burned out after the week. I am glad I got the chance to participate, though. For someone who works in national policy on a daily basis, I still don't often get the chance to get away from my inbox and think about U.S. WMD policy on a more strategic level. It revitalized me. It reminded me why what I'm doing is important and why I like it, and why it's still an exciting field to be in, even though I get the doldrums about it sometimes. One of the best parts was getting to do a table-top gaming exercise. I was in the group with the scenario of a nuclear detonation in downtown Detroit. We were supposed to brief for the Presidential level on what to do. It was really engaging and the program mentors said we did just as well as the senior policymakers who gamed the scenario.

On the other hand, after a successful week of navigating all that stress, I'm not really proud of the extreme laziness or dietary indiscretions that occurred on Friday and yesterday. Those are bad habits I have been doing so well at getting rid of and I had one stressful week and reverted right back to them. Ugh. That makes last week a total wash in the dieting sense. I still have four weeks to go until the end of the TT contest, but a whole week of accumulated fat loss was undone in just the last two days! Bah! WHAT was I thinking? I can't help beating myself up over it, even though I don't want to waste any time or mental energy thinking about the why's and wherefore's.

ANYWAY.

Adam is coming in less than two weeks! He'll be here July 11. Yay.

Thanks for all the suggestions on tv shows. I started watching a few episodes of Dexter and Weeds and I'm totally hooked on those already. Nothing else has really grabbed my attention yet, but it must be the off season? Because I've recorded a couple of reruns. Or maybe I just don't know how to work my DVR yet.....

I suppose I have more to say but I really do need to get going! Must conquer the Costco and battle the rest of the capital region in the grocery stores... why do I wait till noon to do this?!

I think the earth has shifted on its axis...

I? Now have a DVR. I got it this weekend. I can already tell this thing is going to CHANGE. MY. LIFE. How in the world have I lived this long without this?! Now I need to figure out what shows to record! I need advice, internets!

I am already addicted to:

UFC. Men in shorts, throwing down. Blood. Drop kicks to the head. TKO. Bring it, motherfuckers.

Martha Stewart. Need I say more? God I love that woman. I don't even care that she's a convicted criminal. I want to BE her. She's crafty, fashionable and bakes a mean pie. She gardens, she's green, she works out. She loves Dr. Andrew Weil. She makes beds with hospital corners, just like my mom taught me my grandma used to do. Love. Her.

Jon & Kate Plus 8. What can I say? I am shamelessly in love with this family. Every time I see those squishy little babies - 8 of them! Shit! - I get all fuzzy and melty inside. It anesthetizes my brain or something because I start thinking wouldn't it be kind of fun to have sextuplets? I mean really, biology is some scary shit to make an otherwise sane girl have these thoughts.

What else is out there? I know there must be excellent shows that I've been missing all this time because I typically sleep through most of prime time. (Hey, I get up at 5. Usually.)

What do you watch? What are your favorite shows and why do you love them? Help me fuel my new addictions!

What Not To Wear

Good greif, I need to go clothes shopping. I'm walking around like somone who should go on What Not To Wear. Seriously. If anyone wants to nominate me for my makeover, go right ahead. I don't know what my problem is? I just don't want to spend time or energy trying on clothes, or spending money on them, or feeling bad about clothes that don't fit. Something feels wrong about buying more stuff when gas and food prices are through the roof - like it's frivolous and unnecessary. Even though I have nothing to wear, especially pants and skirts. And nevermind casual clothes. I spend most of every weekend in gym clothes or pajamas.

Not only is the clothes situation rather dire, but I am running late most mornings and leave the house with my wet hair pulled back in a bun or ponytail. Not exactly unprofessional, but not bespeaking of a well-coiffed young lady. I haven't bought clothes in months and my closet continues to get more bare as I get rid of things I can't stand looking at any longer, or things that I put on and become disgusted with for their tattiness or ill-fittingness. I almost threw in the trash outright the pants I was wearing yesterday as soon as I walked in my door because they were soaked through up to the knees from my trek home in the pouring rain, and aside from being a bit too casual really for work, also now have a small bleach stain near the pocket that appeared mysteriously one day.

Every morning when I slide out of my pajamas, I feel a small pang of sadness that I have to get dressed in presentable professional attire! I like looking nice, but I'm perfectly happy schlepping around in comfies. I would spend every day in lounge wear if it didn't scream LOSER. The first thing I do when I walk in my door from work is change into my pajamas. This is also one of the biggest reasons I have very little social life to speak of.

My boss is in quite the pleasant mood today. He just got back from a vacation to the Amalfi coast in Italy, where he got engaged to his girlfriend. Work is just so much more enjoyable when he's not in a caustic sewer of negativity.

Also, Adam is coming! Sometimes I miss him so much I want to barf. I think he'll be here the week of July 14, so I'll probably take that week off work. I don't have enough airline miles to go out there (sad!) right now, but I'll be going there over Thanksgiving, so that is some consolation. It's probably better that I don't go there now anyway since his little brother Garret is there and already has re-created the messy nest of his college dorm room in Adam's studio. (BTW, little brother Garret I'm told has lost some weight - he's no longer 6'4" and 225 lbs, he now only weighs 210 !!)

From "The Summer Day" by Mary Oliver

I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what i have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

There are some things money can't buy...

I'm sure this is totally unoriginal and has been done before, but I can't help myself!

Turbulence Training Program: $40
Gym Membership: $35 per month
New running shoes: $80
Workout gloves, pants, sports bras: $50 whenever

That feeling you get after powering through a killer workout: PRICELESS!

There are some things money can't buy...

Tim Russert R.I.P.

I've been sitting here reading y'all's blogs and checking in on the forums while watching the NBC tribute to Tim Russert all morning. I have to say it is really sad! Especially when they showed his empty chair in the Meet the Press room... I got a little misty eyed... !! Ok, my true colors as a political junkie and true Washington-Nerd Supremo are showing through, but seriously! This election will definitely not be the same without him on in the background while I'm puttering around on Sunday morning. Now it's down to Jim Lehrer on the Newshour.... he better stick around or else who is going to be left to report the news????? I love John Stewart and all, but for real.

How'm I gonna get to the beach?

It is well known that Adam has an addiction to hoarding MetRX shakes. Seriously he's like a squirrel storing away nuts for the winter! He came back from Afganistan last time with a huge box of MRP's. And he balked at me putting most of them in the high cabinet above the fridge even though I left out a good 2 months supply because "he might need them." So it will come as no surprise that he came home with another (yes ANOTHER) huge box of the stuff. Apparently they give the stuff away for free like candy over there. What a nutbar! :)

Adam is back in Hawaii now and we are planning how and when we are going to see each other next. It's looking like he's going to have to come here to DC on some airline miles, although I wouldn't mind going out there for a little R&R. His little (ha! he's the tallest of the three at 6'5" or something equally gigantic) brother is going to spend the summer out there with him and he arrives there today. It would be kind of a squeeze with the three of us crammed into Adam's studio, but not enough to disuade me from going if I get the opportunity. Meh, it's the beach, who cares?!

Also, I hereby extend an open invitation to the internets to come visit us any time you want, especially and particularly if I move there permanently! Beach housewarming, you bring the beer, I'll provide the venue! Man, I'm pining to go just thinking about it...

MORE flooding!!!

You guys are not going to believe this shit, but my apartment flooded AGAIN! WTF? And this time there is some water damage to some of my stuff! They better reimburse me for that... the water came in from the outside! UN. Real. Unbelievable. It might be time to move. Seriously I have had more weird things happen in that apartment - that's the 4th time my apt. has flooded, plus there was the exploding oven door and the man who lived next door who snored so loud it woke me up at night...

Adam is definitely on his way home. He called me from Maine a few hours ago. They had a stop over in Rota, Spain last night and I guess they were out partying and now he's getting sick. Traveling for three days straight would make anyone sick!!

I have to get up extra early tomorrow. I'm going to a training class out in Reston, VA that starts at 8:30... gotta have time to get my workout in before I drive out there! It will be nice to get a break from work. Plus we end at 4:00! Maybe I will go shopping in Tyson's once I'm done... only problem with that is then I'm stuck in rush hour traffic. I'll be in it anyway at 4:00! I used to work out near there before I started working downtown and the rush hour is in full swing by 4:30. Ugh, this city! So many people needing to commute to an area of city the size of a postage stamp, AND cross a river to get there! Talk about a nightmare commute.

Bring Joy

Adam should be on his way home right now as we speak! I don't know if I'm supposed to tell the webz that or not... no one is supposed to know where they are or what they are doing until they get back since it's all super-secret double squirrel stuff. But he told me, so I'm telling you. YAY. We are planning to see each other asap, either I'm going to Hawaii or he is coming here.

I am feeling very lazy but I was productive today. I did laundry, cleaned the bathroom and kitchen, went to Costco, washed my windows, and swept the balcony. It is hotter than The Hell today and a ton of people are down in the pool. I was thinking about joining but the idea of putting on my bathing suit and slathering up with sunscreen just seemed like too much work so I'm enjoying the sunshine through my nice clean windows from the comfort of my couch - hehe.

I have nothing to update with today....

I got sucked into watching Cesar Milan late last night... isn't it funny how people get dogs that resemble them? Granted it's not always the case, but it seems like people like dogs that look like themselves. Last night there was a tall, thin lady with two Great Danes, and another lady with Boxers who was kind of short with a squashy face and buggy eyes.

One thing that stuck in my head was at the end of one of the episodes Cesar had his son with him - probably about 7 or 8 years old - and the kid had made this "leaf stick" where he'd threaded a bunch of leaves together covering a stick. Cesar asked him, "Why did you make that?" and the kid said, "To bring joy." Wow. So simple a reason, but one we don't do things for very often.

Go off my little webz, and do something that brings joy!

Ranting and Musing

OMG, I am so freaking irritated right now I had to log in here and vent since there's nowhere else to turn! LOL. Of course, none of this will probably make any sense, but whatever.

Ok, so one of my coworkers got tasked yesterday at noon with a background paper for a meeting, due today and she let it sit all day yesterday! Didn't do anything on it. So this morning she's like, oh, can you draft this, I have to run off to a meeting. So I scrambled to pull the info together. THEN! She tells me she needs to leave for another meeting so I will have to stay and finish it up (likely meaning I will be here late). THEN!!! I send it around the building to get everyone's input (remember all this is supposed to be done before the day is) and I get an email saying that the meeting was cancelled YESTERDAY, didn't we hear??? NOOO. Good grief.

CAN YOU HEAR THE SOUND OF THE BALL DROPPING??

Ah. I feel much better, thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

On to more important things. Like Jason Segel's penis. Did you see it?! Like 11 gagillion times in the movie Forgetting Sara Marshall? Yeah. Saw that on Saturday right after that stupendous thunderstorm blew through here. It was entertaining enough - might be a renter. There was a LOT of full frontal nudity, which was simultaneously amusing and cringeworthy. I mean, Jason Segel looks fine, but, you know, you're not used to seeing all that... manliness?... flashed up on the big screen in front of you.

In other news, I'm trying to use the Power of Intention and the Law of Attraction to manifest myself a job in Hawaii. Yep. Still trying. I belong there! I totally do! Why has the universe not conspired to make it happen yet? Am I to just throw caution to the wind, say F-it and move out there? As I've said before, part of me reeeeally wants to do that. I mean, I could be laying on the BEACH right now. In HAWAII. Do I really need to say more?! But of course, then, what next? Probably doesn't look too good for future career prospects if I have a two year gap in my resume where I went off to sun myself. Ha.

Then again, who cares? I'd figure it out, right? My ultimate fulfillment is not within the walls of the State Department, no doubt. Maybe I could go back to school.... learn acupuncture (cue image of student loan debt statement).

Sigh. I just wish I had the ANSWER (hello Universe! Little old me down here! Jesus, Buddha, Martha - what do you want me to do, just tell me, I'll do it! I give my life over - use me. I have no more career ambitions, I just want to mean something. And I don't think it's here.)

Anyhoo! Lovely day to you all! I'm off to get some fresh air - hoping it's not too muggy outside.

The Power of Intention

Yesterday I watched the Power of Intention program with Wayne Dyer. It's pretty long - about 3 hours. I thought it was worth it. I'll post it below. Maybe it's just what you need. In case you don't have time for the whole thing, here are the Cliff's Notes.

Twelve "Laws" of Intention

1. Want more for others than you want for yourself.

2. Think from the end. (See yourself where you want to be.)

3. Be an "appreciator." (Become more valuable; seek more value.)

4. Stay in rapport with "source" energy.

5. Understand resistance. (Every negative thought is resistance.)

6. Contemplate yourself surrounded by the things you want to produce.

7. Understand the "art of allowing." (Take the path of least "resistance.")

8. Practice radical humility. (You are not your ego.)

9. Be in a constant state of gratitude.

10. Keep in mind you can never resolve a problem by condemning it.

11. Play the "match game." (Am I matched with my intention?)

12. Meditate.