Wednesday, October 21, 2009

My Cancerversary

Three years ago this week I was diagnosed with cancer. It's kind of funny because I didn't even remember this year. Adam reminded me on Tuesday it was my three year cancerversary. At that time, when I was first diagnosed, I couldn't imagine a time when I wouldn't think about having cancer every minute of every day. I knew it would come eventually, the time when my life didn't revolve around having cancer, but I couldn't picture when or how I would get there. Cancer was the first thought in my mind when I woke up in the morning and the last before I went to bed. Cancer colored my whole world for at least six months until I gradually started to feel "normal" again. Now I hardly think about it at all. Sure I still have moments when I resent having this extra thing to worry about whenever I have to go back for more bloodwork or remember to take my thyroid hormone every morning. But mostly it's a non-issue in my life these days. And I still believe - even more so as I get more hindsight - what I said before: having cancer was a blessing in disguise. Not least because it made me more aware of how precious life is and what is really important. I know that sounds cliche, but when you are confronted with your own mortality, it brings everything into sharp focus. I've lost some of that focus now that I know I'm going to go on living for quite some time, so it's nice to remember every year what it felt like then. To be alive.

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of allnothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

e. e. cummings


Jadey 0:-) said...

I somehow missed this about you. I am so glad it's not life consuming for you anymore and I hope it never will be again.



Congratultions, Michelle! Who can believe it's been three years already...

Lindsey Broere said...

WOW...hard to believe its been THREE years! Congratulations! What if someone would have told you three years ago that TODAY you would not only have a strong body--but you'd be growing a little baby inside that strong body!

I hope you have a very blessed day today--give that little tummy an extra rub from me :-)

Sara said...

I have totally fallen out of the blogosphere and holy tits, you're PREGNANT!?!? Congratulations! I am so excited for you and Adam!!!