Why I will be glad to move: Reason # 3,768,932

You guys. The other night, when I was home ALONE because A was at work, I had to confront a GIANT COCKROACH. I was in the bathroom doing my bidness, and the toilet paper roll ran out. Luckily I didn't need any more at the moment because I would have blindly reached over into the cabinet from my perch on the commode to retrieve a new roll, and grabbed a handful of cockroach instead. Because it was perched directly on top of the spare rolls. As it was, I bent over and stuck my face in the cabinet, the better to get the full effect. And he was clearly enjoying the toilet paper for it's intended purpose... he had already managed to poop all over two rolls! I'm reluctant to use the Raid anymore, but how the hell else are you supposed to kill these things? I would have needed a shovel to knock this thing out!

Behold. The poop. What is with the critters and their pooping on my toilet paper?! If it's not the damn geckos, it's the roaches.

There he is. I guess you can't really tell just exactly how enormous this roach is... trust me, it was about the size of my PALM. It took several squirts of the Raid to knock it out. The first squirt didn't phase him at all. He was clearly ready to shake it off and trundle back to his hidey-hole to spawn more of his disgusting ilk to torment me. And look. He pooped again on the floor as he was dying.

I called A and was like, "You need to come home and take care of this shit, I cannot be expected to handle all this smiting and cleaning of roach poop on my own in my current state." Of course his job doesn't work like that so he told me to just leave it there and he'd take care of it when he got home.

Well how could I go to bed, knowing I get up to pee about 5 times a night, and knowing the filthy corpse of that thing was going to be just laying there by the toilet - possibly undead and able to scurry up my leg, or perhaps his friends would come for him... no. I had to clean it up. But y'all know I won't touch that thing through 15 layers of paper towel and a rubber glove, so I used a cardboard box to scoop it up and dispose of it. Then I had to clean up the toilet paper and disinfect the whole area.

It was traumatizing.

A thinks I'm a little crazy but I have myself convinced that our new house will not be plagued with the insects and geckos our current house is full of. It's new construction! Do not attempt to shatter my fantasy.

Look! I'm pregnant and out in public! At the Polynesian Cultural Center over the weekend, where we went to walk around and go to the luau and the show with the firedancers! And I began to worry that I might actually go into labor early because I was having so many contractions - probably from the heat and all the walking around everywhere. SEE! I should not be expected to exert myself in so many ways in my delicate condition!