Where have I been and Confession time

Can someone please tell me why in heck I am still sitting here in my pajamas at 11:30 on Sunday morning, unshowered, after not moving from this same position all day yesterday? I really need to get going and get some groceries and do some housekeeping. The filth is starting to accumulate and the cupboards are bare.

Sorry I have been MIA from the webz! Last week I was in an immersion seminar at the National Defense University for 'emerging leaders' in the weapons of mass destruction field. It was an interesting week. Long days and lots of deep thinking, plus the stress of being out of my routine, waking up an hour earlier than usual and getting home an hour or more later than I'm used to... I have to say I was pretty burned out after the week. I am glad I got the chance to participate, though. For someone who works in national policy on a daily basis, I still don't often get the chance to get away from my inbox and think about U.S. WMD policy on a more strategic level. It revitalized me. It reminded me why what I'm doing is important and why I like it, and why it's still an exciting field to be in, even though I get the doldrums about it sometimes. One of the best parts was getting to do a table-top gaming exercise. I was in the group with the scenario of a nuclear detonation in downtown Detroit. We were supposed to brief for the Presidential level on what to do. It was really engaging and the program mentors said we did just as well as the senior policymakers who gamed the scenario.

On the other hand, after a successful week of navigating all that stress, I'm not really proud of the extreme laziness or dietary indiscretions that occurred on Friday and yesterday. Those are bad habits I have been doing so well at getting rid of and I had one stressful week and reverted right back to them. Ugh. That makes last week a total wash in the dieting sense. I still have four weeks to go until the end of the TT contest, but a whole week of accumulated fat loss was undone in just the last two days! Bah! WHAT was I thinking? I can't help beating myself up over it, even though I don't want to waste any time or mental energy thinking about the why's and wherefore's.

ANYWAY.

Adam is coming in less than two weeks! He'll be here July 11. Yay.

Thanks for all the suggestions on tv shows. I started watching a few episodes of Dexter and Weeds and I'm totally hooked on those already. Nothing else has really grabbed my attention yet, but it must be the off season? Because I've recorded a couple of reruns. Or maybe I just don't know how to work my DVR yet.....

I suppose I have more to say but I really do need to get going! Must conquer the Costco and battle the rest of the capital region in the grocery stores... why do I wait till noon to do this?!

I think the earth has shifted on its axis...

I? Now have a DVR. I got it this weekend. I can already tell this thing is going to CHANGE. MY. LIFE. How in the world have I lived this long without this?! Now I need to figure out what shows to record! I need advice, internets!

I am already addicted to:

UFC. Men in shorts, throwing down. Blood. Drop kicks to the head. TKO. Bring it, motherfuckers.

Martha Stewart. Need I say more? God I love that woman. I don't even care that she's a convicted criminal. I want to BE her. She's crafty, fashionable and bakes a mean pie. She gardens, she's green, she works out. She loves Dr. Andrew Weil. She makes beds with hospital corners, just like my mom taught me my grandma used to do. Love. Her.

Jon & Kate Plus 8. What can I say? I am shamelessly in love with this family. Every time I see those squishy little babies - 8 of them! Shit! - I get all fuzzy and melty inside. It anesthetizes my brain or something because I start thinking wouldn't it be kind of fun to have sextuplets? I mean really, biology is some scary shit to make an otherwise sane girl have these thoughts.

What else is out there? I know there must be excellent shows that I've been missing all this time because I typically sleep through most of prime time. (Hey, I get up at 5. Usually.)

What do you watch? What are your favorite shows and why do you love them? Help me fuel my new addictions!

What Not To Wear

Good greif, I need to go clothes shopping. I'm walking around like somone who should go on What Not To Wear. Seriously. If anyone wants to nominate me for my makeover, go right ahead. I don't know what my problem is? I just don't want to spend time or energy trying on clothes, or spending money on them, or feeling bad about clothes that don't fit. Something feels wrong about buying more stuff when gas and food prices are through the roof - like it's frivolous and unnecessary. Even though I have nothing to wear, especially pants and skirts. And nevermind casual clothes. I spend most of every weekend in gym clothes or pajamas.

Not only is the clothes situation rather dire, but I am running late most mornings and leave the house with my wet hair pulled back in a bun or ponytail. Not exactly unprofessional, but not bespeaking of a well-coiffed young lady. I haven't bought clothes in months and my closet continues to get more bare as I get rid of things I can't stand looking at any longer, or things that I put on and become disgusted with for their tattiness or ill-fittingness. I almost threw in the trash outright the pants I was wearing yesterday as soon as I walked in my door because they were soaked through up to the knees from my trek home in the pouring rain, and aside from being a bit too casual really for work, also now have a small bleach stain near the pocket that appeared mysteriously one day.

Every morning when I slide out of my pajamas, I feel a small pang of sadness that I have to get dressed in presentable professional attire! I like looking nice, but I'm perfectly happy schlepping around in comfies. I would spend every day in lounge wear if it didn't scream LOSER. The first thing I do when I walk in my door from work is change into my pajamas. This is also one of the biggest reasons I have very little social life to speak of.

My boss is in quite the pleasant mood today. He just got back from a vacation to the Amalfi coast in Italy, where he got engaged to his girlfriend. Work is just so much more enjoyable when he's not in a caustic sewer of negativity.

Also, Adam is coming! Sometimes I miss him so much I want to barf. I think he'll be here the week of July 14, so I'll probably take that week off work. I don't have enough airline miles to go out there (sad!) right now, but I'll be going there over Thanksgiving, so that is some consolation. It's probably better that I don't go there now anyway since his little brother Garret is there and already has re-created the messy nest of his college dorm room in Adam's studio. (BTW, little brother Garret I'm told has lost some weight - he's no longer 6'4" and 225 lbs, he now only weighs 210 !!)

From "The Summer Day" by Mary Oliver

I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what i have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

There are some things money can't buy...

I'm sure this is totally unoriginal and has been done before, but I can't help myself!

Turbulence Training Program: $40
Gym Membership: $35 per month
New running shoes: $80
Workout gloves, pants, sports bras: $50 whenever

That feeling you get after powering through a killer workout: PRICELESS!

There are some things money can't buy...

Tim Russert R.I.P.

I've been sitting here reading y'all's blogs and checking in on the forums while watching the NBC tribute to Tim Russert all morning. I have to say it is really sad! Especially when they showed his empty chair in the Meet the Press room... I got a little misty eyed... !! Ok, my true colors as a political junkie and true Washington-Nerd Supremo are showing through, but seriously! This election will definitely not be the same without him on in the background while I'm puttering around on Sunday morning. Now it's down to Jim Lehrer on the Newshour.... he better stick around or else who is going to be left to report the news????? I love John Stewart and all, but for real.

How'm I gonna get to the beach?

It is well known that Adam has an addiction to hoarding MetRX shakes. Seriously he's like a squirrel storing away nuts for the winter! He came back from Afganistan last time with a huge box of MRP's. And he balked at me putting most of them in the high cabinet above the fridge even though I left out a good 2 months supply because "he might need them." So it will come as no surprise that he came home with another (yes ANOTHER) huge box of the stuff. Apparently they give the stuff away for free like candy over there. What a nutbar! :)

Adam is back in Hawaii now and we are planning how and when we are going to see each other next. It's looking like he's going to have to come here to DC on some airline miles, although I wouldn't mind going out there for a little R&R. His little (ha! he's the tallest of the three at 6'5" or something equally gigantic) brother is going to spend the summer out there with him and he arrives there today. It would be kind of a squeeze with the three of us crammed into Adam's studio, but not enough to disuade me from going if I get the opportunity. Meh, it's the beach, who cares?!

Also, I hereby extend an open invitation to the internets to come visit us any time you want, especially and particularly if I move there permanently! Beach housewarming, you bring the beer, I'll provide the venue! Man, I'm pining to go just thinking about it...

MORE flooding!!!

You guys are not going to believe this shit, but my apartment flooded AGAIN! WTF? And this time there is some water damage to some of my stuff! They better reimburse me for that... the water came in from the outside! UN. Real. Unbelievable. It might be time to move. Seriously I have had more weird things happen in that apartment - that's the 4th time my apt. has flooded, plus there was the exploding oven door and the man who lived next door who snored so loud it woke me up at night...

Adam is definitely on his way home. He called me from Maine a few hours ago. They had a stop over in Rota, Spain last night and I guess they were out partying and now he's getting sick. Traveling for three days straight would make anyone sick!!

I have to get up extra early tomorrow. I'm going to a training class out in Reston, VA that starts at 8:30... gotta have time to get my workout in before I drive out there! It will be nice to get a break from work. Plus we end at 4:00! Maybe I will go shopping in Tyson's once I'm done... only problem with that is then I'm stuck in rush hour traffic. I'll be in it anyway at 4:00! I used to work out near there before I started working downtown and the rush hour is in full swing by 4:30. Ugh, this city! So many people needing to commute to an area of city the size of a postage stamp, AND cross a river to get there! Talk about a nightmare commute.

Bring Joy

Adam should be on his way home right now as we speak! I don't know if I'm supposed to tell the webz that or not... no one is supposed to know where they are or what they are doing until they get back since it's all super-secret double squirrel stuff. But he told me, so I'm telling you. YAY. We are planning to see each other asap, either I'm going to Hawaii or he is coming here.

I am feeling very lazy but I was productive today. I did laundry, cleaned the bathroom and kitchen, went to Costco, washed my windows, and swept the balcony. It is hotter than The Hell today and a ton of people are down in the pool. I was thinking about joining but the idea of putting on my bathing suit and slathering up with sunscreen just seemed like too much work so I'm enjoying the sunshine through my nice clean windows from the comfort of my couch - hehe.

I have nothing to update with today....

I got sucked into watching Cesar Milan late last night... isn't it funny how people get dogs that resemble them? Granted it's not always the case, but it seems like people like dogs that look like themselves. Last night there was a tall, thin lady with two Great Danes, and another lady with Boxers who was kind of short with a squashy face and buggy eyes.

One thing that stuck in my head was at the end of one of the episodes Cesar had his son with him - probably about 7 or 8 years old - and the kid had made this "leaf stick" where he'd threaded a bunch of leaves together covering a stick. Cesar asked him, "Why did you make that?" and the kid said, "To bring joy." Wow. So simple a reason, but one we don't do things for very often.

Go off my little webz, and do something that brings joy!

Ranting and Musing

OMG, I am so freaking irritated right now I had to log in here and vent since there's nowhere else to turn! LOL. Of course, none of this will probably make any sense, but whatever.

Ok, so one of my coworkers got tasked yesterday at noon with a background paper for a meeting, due today and she let it sit all day yesterday! Didn't do anything on it. So this morning she's like, oh, can you draft this, I have to run off to a meeting. So I scrambled to pull the info together. THEN! She tells me she needs to leave for another meeting so I will have to stay and finish it up (likely meaning I will be here late). THEN!!! I send it around the building to get everyone's input (remember all this is supposed to be done before the day is) and I get an email saying that the meeting was cancelled YESTERDAY, didn't we hear??? NOOO. Good grief.

CAN YOU HEAR THE SOUND OF THE BALL DROPPING??

Ah. I feel much better, thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

On to more important things. Like Jason Segel's penis. Did you see it?! Like 11 gagillion times in the movie Forgetting Sara Marshall? Yeah. Saw that on Saturday right after that stupendous thunderstorm blew through here. It was entertaining enough - might be a renter. There was a LOT of full frontal nudity, which was simultaneously amusing and cringeworthy. I mean, Jason Segel looks fine, but, you know, you're not used to seeing all that... manliness?... flashed up on the big screen in front of you.

In other news, I'm trying to use the Power of Intention and the Law of Attraction to manifest myself a job in Hawaii. Yep. Still trying. I belong there! I totally do! Why has the universe not conspired to make it happen yet? Am I to just throw caution to the wind, say F-it and move out there? As I've said before, part of me reeeeally wants to do that. I mean, I could be laying on the BEACH right now. In HAWAII. Do I really need to say more?! But of course, then, what next? Probably doesn't look too good for future career prospects if I have a two year gap in my resume where I went off to sun myself. Ha.

Then again, who cares? I'd figure it out, right? My ultimate fulfillment is not within the walls of the State Department, no doubt. Maybe I could go back to school.... learn acupuncture (cue image of student loan debt statement).

Sigh. I just wish I had the ANSWER (hello Universe! Little old me down here! Jesus, Buddha, Martha - what do you want me to do, just tell me, I'll do it! I give my life over - use me. I have no more career ambitions, I just want to mean something. And I don't think it's here.)

Anyhoo! Lovely day to you all! I'm off to get some fresh air - hoping it's not too muggy outside.

The Power of Intention

Yesterday I watched the Power of Intention program with Wayne Dyer. It's pretty long - about 3 hours. I thought it was worth it. I'll post it below. Maybe it's just what you need. In case you don't have time for the whole thing, here are the Cliff's Notes.

Twelve "Laws" of Intention

1. Want more for others than you want for yourself.

2. Think from the end. (See yourself where you want to be.)

3. Be an "appreciator." (Become more valuable; seek more value.)

4. Stay in rapport with "source" energy.

5. Understand resistance. (Every negative thought is resistance.)

6. Contemplate yourself surrounded by the things you want to produce.

7. Understand the "art of allowing." (Take the path of least "resistance.")

8. Practice radical humility. (You are not your ego.)

9. Be in a constant state of gratitude.

10. Keep in mind you can never resolve a problem by condemning it.

11. Play the "match game." (Am I matched with my intention?)

12. Meditate.

Odds and ends

I have been sitting here reading all the important blogs and it has gone from partly sunny to OMG, is it suddenly 8:00 pm? No, it is still 1:30. But the clouds have rolled in so thick it is like dusk outside! We are supposed to have major thunderstorms today so I will be hibernating indoors. I may head across the street to the movie theater and see that Cameron Diaz movie about Las Vegas something.... yes, I live across the street from a movie theater. I also live a block away from my gym, my grocery store and the metro. I PAY DEARLY FOR THIS. But I can afford it because I am a well paid federal employee *scoff*. The alternative is paying with my health and sanity in trying to get to and from work each day -- note: commuting across a river will double... nay, TRIPLE your commute time.

Adam finally called me in the middle of the night last night. He woke me from a dead slumber. I can't believe I even heard the phone ringing, but I managed to fly out of bed and run to the counter where I'd left my cell phone to answer it. I can't remember what we talked about. I think I was still half asleep.

Strange occurrence at the gym yesterday:

A regular came up to me and said, "I just realized that you are a twin." Huh? I corrected her and she said there is a girl who works out there who looks just like me. Really? I have been working out there almost daily for 3 years now and apparently I have a doppleganger I never noticed? Must keep eyes peeled...

And it just started pouring rain. With thunder and lightening. Cool.

Hot and Sore

I haven't talked to Adam in a while and I finally got a voicemail from him yesterday while I was in the metro. He's been working double duty covering someone else's job AND his own. He said he was sleeping only a few hours each night. He sounded tired. I feel bad for him!

The summer has arrived and it is hot and humid. I have mentioned here before that Washington DC is actually built on a giant swampland. No kidding. Foggy Bottom, the neighborhood where the State Department and the Kennedy Center are located, was once marshes that were filled in and built up. Technically unfit for human habitation. Add to that the concrete jungles absorbing sunlight and reflecting it and the heat is magnified something awful. I dream of moving north for the lovely summers. Of course I would be suicidal come January, I think I despise the severe cold even more than severe heat/humidity. It's not the heat that gets me - I loved Arizona and it gets up to like 120 degrees there. It's the humidity. And the fact that I have to be out in it to get to/from work walking about a mile each way - ugh.

The trains are packed as of late with the summer interns. Did you know that DC gets about 20,000 interns each year?! You can always tell which ones they are on the trains. Fresh faced, not wearing the weight of responsibility just yet. That and they do sophomoric things on the train that commuting pro's would never do. For example, when the train nears the station, they feel they HAVE TO GET UP RIGHT NOW AND MOVE TOWARDS THE DOOR. You know, just in case they can't get off once the train stops and they have to ride to the next station. NEWSFLASH! It will be much easier/faster/more efficient to get to the door once the train stops and we are not all holding on and sausaged in here! Trust me, you will have PLENTY OF TIME TO GET OFF. I have NEVER, in all my years of riding the metro, seen anyone NOT get off the train because they didn't have enough time to get out. I've seen pregnant women haul their expanding girth of pregnant glory out of an inside seat and make it to the platform in time!

This weekend marks four weeks of the Bikini Project and I am planning to take pictures and some measurements. I don't feel/see as many changes as I would like or expect after four weeks of dieting, but I guess we'll find out tomorrow. I really have been diligent these last weeks so I will be disappointed if there is nothing numerical or visual to show for my efforts.

I had another TT workout planned for this morning but I went to the gym and did my warmup circuits and decided I was just too sore to get anything out of it. So I did some foam rolling and stretching and went home. It's unlike me to skip a workout, even for soreness, so you know how sore I really am! My hips and thighs are just trashed from doing dumbbell swings on Wednesday. I forgot how painful those can be!

I'm looking forward to another relaxing weekend, how bout you?

Memorial Day

Memorial Day is a poignant time for me as the sacrifices our service members make for the freedoms we enjoy every day are near and dear to my heart. My dad's dad, my grandfather Hoppy was killed right before I was born in service to his country. He was a test pilot killed in a plane crash in the Philippines. My mom's dad is a veteran of the Korean War, he too was a career military man - a General before he retired.

My dad is a veteran too. He flew F-16's in the Air Force and fought in both the Kosovo air campaign and Operation Iraqi Freedom back in 2003 when we first invaded Iraq. In fact, when we first started the air campaign in Kosovo, my dad was the first to enter Kosovar airspace the night we started bombing - he was out in front ahead of all the other fighter jets, the heavy tankers, bombers and helicopters. We were living in Germany at the time; he was stationed at Spangdahlem AFB near Bitburg. He and his squadron deployed down to Aviano AFB, Italy, where the campaign was launched from. After the bombing had gone on for a while, the squadron came home and flew every night launching their missions from Germany. He would come home in the morning and sleep all day and leave again at night to fight the war. It was a weird, scary time. I remember when we lost an F-16 over there and my mom and my sister and I just sat riveted to CNN wondering... During OIF, my dad was stationed at Aviano AFB and deployed to the region. He wasn't in Iraq but at an airbase nearby. He was an Operations Group Commander at that time. I was about to start grad school and I flew home to Italy and spent those months with my mom.

Now my own boyfriend is a veteran - off fighting Operation Enduring Freedom. I asked him why he didn't call me yesterday and he said, "I'm fightin' a war, babe." His performance evaluation last year commended him for work "resulting in the death or capture of numerous terrorists." It's real. Even though it seems very far away from most people's lives, it's very personal for me.

My friend Matt, too, who's been in Iraq for four years now because he just can't bring himself to leave. He's also a veteran of the war in the Balkans, from his prior military service. I tell him he's a hero and he says no. Those boys and girls who are going outside the wire every day - they are the heroes. True, but so is he.

I hope on this Memorial Day that your thoughts go out to all of our brave warriors who are sacrificing so much to protect the ideals of freedom and democracy. Especially those who have made the ultimate sacrifice. They should never be far from our hearts and minds because their sacrifice secures our right to enjoy every freedom we have. I hope everyone has fun today barbecuing and playing outside with your friends and families, but I hope you pause for a moment to remember the men and women who died for our freedoms and those who are far away fighting for them now.

Ching Ching Cha Flowering Teas

I've been meaning to post these pictures for over a week now! Last weekend my parents were in town for an unexpected visit and on Saturday I went with my mom and my aunt to Ching Ching Cha in Georgetown. We walked across the Key Bridge from Rosslyn and then down to Wisconsin Ave. where the teahouse is. Regular readers will remember that I went to Ching Ching Cha for tea with my girlfriends on my birthday in March. Georgetown was its usual crush of college students, tourists, fashionistas and wannabes swarming all around, but when we stepped into the teahouse it was like a cool oasis, quiet Oriental music playing in the background and the sun shining calmly through the skylights. We each ordered a flowering tea - they are such a treat! They come in little balls and when you add the hot water they flower into this:

The orange blossom.
I thought we had one of the Floating Lantern, but I think this is another one of the Orange Blossom tea.
And I think this one was called Golden Blossom.

It was a fun, relaxing afternoon! Then we met up with my dad, my uncle and my cousin and his girlfriend and headed to Layalina for some yummy Lebanese/Egyptian fusion cuisine.

On Sunday my mom and my aunt and I had pedicures - divine. I had a manicure too and it seems to be lasting for a long time - the paint only started chipping yesterday. I think that's a record. Paint doesn't last long in the weight room.

I've had another relaxing weekend this weekend. I've been working on my healthy glow. I exercised, I napped, I sunbathed by the pool, I'm doing a face mask right now, I cooked... it's been perfectly peaceful. I think I'm going to wash my face and take another cat nap - the sun is shining in a bright warm patch on the carpet and I'm feeling drowsy after laying by the pool all morning. I was listening to Chapter 3 of Oprah's A New Earth event with Eckhart Tolle.

The Rolling Thunder Memorial Day biker rally was in town yesterday and I spent the afternoon blasting Tori Amos over the low grumble of engines reverberating through the tall buildings yesterday. I remember very clearly Rolling Thunder last year because I was thinking really hard on breaking up with Adam. I had gotten invited to the rally with this guy... I didn't end up going and even if I had, nothing improper would have happened of course, but I never even would have considered going on anything that could be construed as a "date" if I hadn't been in the mental space of leaving my relationship. Anyway, I can't believe that was a year ago. How is it that time can seem to pass in the blink of an eye and also seem like a lifetime ago all at once?

I find myself feeling sad about the passing of time these days. I can't remember ever thinking this way before recently. I feel like life is speeding by so quickly and I just want to grab on and hold it still for a bit. How can one life ever be enough? I fear death, not so much because I fear what is next (I don't think... although maybe that is what it really is at heart), but because I don't want to leave this life behind. How can I ever possibly do enough living in such a short time?

I don't know how I got started on THAT train of thought! My head ran away with my fingers. I need to go wash this goo off my face! Hope everyone is enjoying their holiday, if you get one!

Guide to Safe Plastics

Just a quick post to share this Guide to Safe Plastics!

Of course.

Of course my washing machine would flood today. Of course. That was my treat for the morning! I did manage to do my TT workout and hit the grocery store, although I still have to go to Whole Foods for some stevia. They don't carry it at the Harris Teeter by my house which is weird because I actually think the HT has a better selection of organic produce than the WF.

I don't use stevia a lot, but I need it to make my chocolate tofu pudding, which is a new dessert-like concoction I discovered recently. It's just light silken tofu blended with cocoa powder and stevia and topped with sliced almonds. I've been gravitating away from meat and decided to experiment a bit with tofu and loved this recipe to eat for breakfast when I just want something light and sweet. It's airy, like a flan.

I'm about to go meet up with my parents and I think we may walk into Georgetown... it is beautiful out today in DC so perfect weather for getting outside!

I am so glad last week is over. The insanity level at work was at a fever pitch. Next week should be back to more relaxing times, although one can never be too sure in my line of work; we're pretty reactive and world events are always moving forward.

Happy weekend, y'all! Train hard and hug your loved ones.

Keep Up

So, you know how I said this has been a crazy week at work? And right now I am crashing on some press guidance, trying to get it to the spokesperson's office by the 11:15 deadline. I just heated some water for a cup of tea - Yogi Tea, have you tried them? They are wonderful! I'm having Green Tea Kombucha right now...

Anyway, each tea bag has a little inspirational phrase on it. My teabag? That I just opened?

Says: Keep up.

Thanks, Universe. Thanks a lot. I don't know whether to laugh or shake my fist at the sky!

What's up

This has been a super busy week at work! I was here until nearly 8:00 on Tuesday - holy smokes! I used to work all kinds of crazy hours like that a couple years ago when I first came to this office. We've since hired on several new people so the workload has diminished considerably, but there are always those days.

We finally got a break from the deluge of rain yesterday and today, but it's going to start raining again tonight! I saw on the news that this is already one of the wettest Mays on record! After this weekend we will likely be the 5th wettest May - and we're only halfway through the month!

I took advantage of the reprieve yesterday to get out on the trails for a jog. It is now light at 5:30 in the morning so I don't worry as much about being out there all alone. I did another Turbulence Training workout this morning. Man, those intervals kill me! You know, in a nice positive way! I did intervals on the step mill this morning, I feel like I might actually expire!

I'm waiting on Adam to tell me whether he is going to be able to stop here on his way home from Turkalurkadurk (or wherever), which will be soon! I hope he is going to come here, I miss him so much!

Then I may try to go to Hawaii in July too when my sister and her boyfriend are going to be there. My sister's boyfriend is going to the North Shore of Oahu to test waverunners for the military.... seriously, HOW DO I GET HIS JOB???

The Eye of the Storm

It's been raining in DC and Northern Virginia for days. Yesterday and today it has been downright COLD! It feels much more like early fall than late spring around here. I keep thinking I have washed my old college hoodie FOR THE LAST TIME DAMMIT. I keep having to pull it out of the back of my closet. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing better than gray, chilly, rainy weather and pulling on a sweatshirt to get cozy on the couch with some tea. That is what I did all afternoon yesterday! (And what I wish I was doing today, even more!) But it does make my walking commute suck considerably more than it usually does on a normal day of suckage.

I had to brave the wind and sideways rain this morning without my rain jacket, since, in a stroke of brilliance (ha), I left it at work on Friday. With, mind you, my KEYS IN THE POCKET. Left. In my office. This becomes even more of a pain if you live, as I do, in an apartment complex with gated entry ways and garages that require a key fob to scan into. Yes. So you have to fob into the garage, then once you are in the garage, you have to fob in to the elevator shaft! I spent all weekend harassing the concierge to let me in.

Ahhhh, I'm sad to be at work today. My boss has been in a wretchedly pissy mood for the last week and a half or so. He seems to want to yell at me every time I see him, so I am trying to lay low. Problem is if I don't bother him with questions on some of my tasks, he will get pissy anyway when I don't handle it exactly how he wanted me to. Half the time I think he invents arbitrary "rules" in order to get pissy in my direction. He is an energy vampire, a perpetual negative ion floating around. I am the only person on our team who will stand up to him when he's being unreasonable, so I tend to take more heat than anyone else. I'm trying to stop confronting him since it does me no good to be argumentative. As sad as it is, I'm trying not to assert myself. In this situation, it is for the best. He never backs down. Not ever. If he can't argue his righteousness by merit alone, he will resort to sayinig, "Because I'm the boss." I want to punch him in the face when he says that.

Anyway.

The Bikini Project is going great! I may have been hallucinating but I swear my ass was looking tighter this morning. I know I will accomplish my goals because I am really having fun and just enjoying myself, and it doesn't seem like a struggle at all! Amazing.

I hope no one thought that video I posted the other day was weird or out there. I'm listening to Oprah's Eckhart Tolle webcasts and thinking about all this mental stuff! Tolle talks about how he came up with his ideas for his books (The Power of Now, A New Earth) when he was on the verge of suicide. He says he was laying in bed and he had already made the decision to kill himself. He was thinking, "I just can't live with myself anymore." Then it occurred to him, who is this "self" I cannot live with? He realized that inside him there was an "I" and there was this "self" and that the self was not who he truly was. All the chattering in his head and pain he was feeling were not who he really was -- at his core, he was at peace. Most of our thoughts throughout the day are repetitive and not really helpful. We are not our thoughts. However, thoughts become things. With our thoughts we make the world around us. That's why I thought that right brain/left brain description on the video was so interesting because she totally described the left brain chattering and organizing and thinking that we need to remember is not, in the end, who we are.

Interestingly, Tolle talks about how when people do intense physical activities, they tune into that right brain inner core "self" - exactly why I love to lift weights. When I'm putting up 150# on a bar on my back, it's the surest way to turn off the incessant chattering and get my head to just shut the hell up. I'm totally in the moment, totally in my body, totally centered. I'm in the eye of the storm.

Alrighty, enough expounding for now. Back to the gamut!